David Everett Fisher

Absurd.

June 5, 2013 Art, Short Story

Brae: Bounty Hunter

My friend Brae wanted me to write a story about her being a bounty hunter. Here is that story. No names were changed to protect anyone.

The sun was shining and sailboats were skirting around Ross Island like fast moving clouds. Riding across the Ross Island Bridge was Brae and her partner in crime, Teddy, in their motorcycle and sidecar. They were heading up to Felony Flats to catch a criminal who jumped bail.

Brae was confident that they would catch their man, the notorious Andy “the Ice Heart” Miller. The Ice Heart had posted bail for his last string of candy shop robberies for his Mob Boss, Zoe “Queen Bee” Gambino. He was supposed to report for trial on Tuesday, but he never showed up, so Brae knew she needed to jump into action quick before he boarded a plane for Venezuela.

First thing Brae did was go to Slabtown and have a chat with the bar’s owner, Doug “Always-a-good-idea” Rogers-Grimes. He was at first mum, but after Brae grabbed Doug’s shirt with no sleeves and pulled him over the bar, he became very cooperative and said he was last seen with David “Mediocre Poet” Fisher, a low level thug in the Zoe syndicate.

She knew where Fisher was living those days. He was known to haunt Felony Flats South of Powell and East of 50th, so Teddy and Brae jumped on the motorcycle and got going.

They pulled up to a non descript ranch house with a refrigerator in the front lawn that hadn’t been mowed in a season or two and Fisher’s very recognizable green and yellow Subaru brat.

She needed to find out if Miller was in there, but she was recognizable from her reality TV show, so she whispered into Teddy’s ear and his head tilted and one eyebrow went up. After she was done whispering, Teddy looked at her with a look of doubt, but after Brae looked at Teddy with a look of stern discipline, Teddy put on a lab jacket and grabbed a clipboard and walked on two legs up to the door.

After knocking on the paint peeled door, Teddy waited for someone to answer. A short bearded gnome answered the door by peeking through the crack in the door. He squinted at the scientist standing at the door in the lab coat and clipboard and had a likeness to a dog, but knew that he must be a scientist.

“Um, can I help you?” the gnome asked.

Teddy showed the gnome a picture of Miller with a note that read, ANDY MILLER DO SURVEY AND WIN TRIP TO VENSUALA.

“Oh, cool! That’d be super helpful! Andy! There is someone at the door that wants you to fill out a survey and win a trip to Venezuela! It’s okay, he’s a scientist!”

The gnome opened the door wide and another gnome with less of a beard and spectacles started walking up to the door. Teddy barked twice, a code that Brae and Teddy came up with years ago when they first worked together, and Brae came running up the walkway towards the front door. The spectacled gnome, who was obviously Miller turned and ran while the bearded gnome, who was obviously Fisher, tried to slam the door, but Brae was too fast and did a flying kick, slamming the door wide open knocking Fisher out.

Brae sprinted to the back of the house and caught up with Miller as he dove out of a window. She pointed out the front door and Teddy knew what to do and galloped out the front door, losing the lab coat and clipboard. Brae dove out the window and did a roll and sprung up on to her feet with cat like reflexes and saw Miller go over the backyard fence.

Brae sprang into action and leapt the fence with ease. Miller ran through the back door of the next house and slammed the door behind him. Brae ran and did another flying kick and shattered the door open and ran through the house. She almost went out the front door when her senses told her that Miller had gone up stairs. She turned and flew up the stairs three stairs at a time.

Miller was crouching behind a dresser drawer and his eyes went wide at the site of Brae sprinting towards him. He leapt up and turned towards a window and crashed through the glass and rolled down the roof and dropping with a thud in some azaleas.

Brae rolled out the window and did a twisting flip off the roof so she would be facing towards the house to find Miller trying to get up out of the shrubs. He saw Brae standing over him and fear gripped him. He kicked out to sweep Brae’s leg, but she jumped up.

Miller rolled to his feet and sprung up and got into a fighter stance. Brae put up her dukes and spread her legs ready to use her deadly kick if needed. Miller threw a punch at Brae’s throat, but Brae blocked it with a lightning fast sweep of her left arm, causing Miller to stumble pass her.

Miller ran back at Brae and jumped into the air and twisted his body for a roundhouse kick. Brae knew what he was doing before he leapt into the air, so she did the splits and threw an uppercut right into Miller’s breadbasket.

Miller crumbled to the ground and closed up into a fetal position with both hands over his moneymakers. Brae stood triumphantly over the damaged criminal.

At that moment, Teddy pulled up with the motorcycle and he came up and helped Brae hog tie Miller and carried him over to the motorcycle and tied him to the back of the sidecar.

Brae got her man again and the city is safe again and she is getting paid.

2 to “Brae: Bounty Hunter”

  1. Brae Raphael says...

    “Brae got her man again and the city is safe again and she is getting paid.” I’m going to use that as my epithet.

  2. NIna says...

    …And then Teddy did that CSI Miami sunglasses move. Nice!

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