Meditation for March 16th, 2016
When we are young we hang out with our friends all the time, but as we grow older and start careers and families, our way of hanging out changes. We take shorter time segments of our lives and schedule coffee and tea dates, maybe spend an hour at the gym together or just go to the movies. Gone are the days of hanging out everyday with several of your friends all the time. Now with people checking in on Facebook and taking pictures of every social situation they find themselves in, we see what others are doing all the time.
We are always missing out on something. Either it is an organic get together and you just weren’t in the right place at the right time, or you were intentionally forgotten. Either way, your friends now had an experience that you didn’t have, created stronger bonds and inside jokes you aren’t on the inside of and perhaps had the chance to share thoughts on you since you weren’t there. Regardless, you are now a little less noticeable in your circle of friends then you were before.
It’s hard to be around all the time. We have jobs, family responsibilities, partners and doing partner activities, our own hobbies and interests and some of us actually like just being by ourselves or at least do our socializing via social media. I work Saturdays, so if I get invites for fun things on Saturdays, I have to turn them down and go to work begrudgingly making espresso drinks with venomous resentment as I think about my friends all frolicking on some beach without me or bar-b-quing up delicious burgers that I don’t get to eat. When I get home exhausted from my day making a living I get to sift all the pictures and new inside jokes my friends came up with today.
It also takes a lot of money to hang out all the time. Going out to restaurants, bars, shows and movies all the time is just insane. You almost need to be independently wealthy to not only have the time to hang out all the time, but also the finances to pay for communal endeavors.
The thing is, there is always something you are missing. You can’t be everywhere, have money for everything and always be available. In fact, why would you? Maybe if you have this fear of missing out, that they are missing out. Most people who hang out in tight packs don’t use their time for themselves and are afraid of being alone for the fear of what that might mean.
I didn’t get the text till I was out of work,
But they already took off for the coast.
They’re all going.
I’m the only one not in that caravans of cars.
I wonder if they stopped somewhere on the way out.
Maybe a gas station,
And they did something zany,
They’ll tell me all about it.
Maybe they stopped at Dairy Queen,
And they all got too full.
I bet something funny happened from that.
They’ll run around the beach,
Maybe have a bonfire,
Then all sleep in a single motel room.
And they’ll be jokes and jokes.
I’ll be on the outside of my own friendship circle.
Maybe I’ll come up.
Maybe they’ll talk about how sick they are of daily meditation posts on Facebook, or how I don’t hangout as much with more responsibility at work and my relationship, maybe they’re annoyed with still hearing about the cancer thing. Maybe they all realized that I’m not that funny and they all realized that they all been humoring me this whole time and maybe they’ll let me know when they get back from this awesome beach trip. In fact, they notice how much more fun the trip is without me.
Don’t let them learn that.
Please let them focus on that one girl, who also didn’t go,
Who has way more problems than me.
I know you want me to go hang out with friends,
But I love it here in my room.
I love just listening to music,
Reading or perusing the web,
Maybe writing or drawing if I’m feeling super motivated,
Or several episodes of Hawaii 5-0 if I’m not.
My phone has rang or binged because of texts several time.
I just don’t want to talk to anyone right now.
I’m so comfortable.
The only thing missing is a dog snoozing at the foot of my bed.
I feel like I never get enough time to just be by myself.
Oh, god, wait.
I’m getting a little anxious.
I wonder what people are up to?
I’ll just scroll through Facebook and see.
I’ll just text “what’s up” to a few people.
Maybe I’ll bus it to the coffee shop that people hang out sometimes.
A bunch of people is at my friend’s house!
I’ll go there!
It’s good to see you, and you, and you, and you, and you.
Jokes and laughter ensues.
One person is scowling and staring at their phone,
Another person had to leave because another person was there,
This person is too desperate to be liked that they are embarrassing themselves,
I’m getting too hot,
I don’t like this conversation,
I don’t know enough about what they are talking about because I wasn’t there when the conversation began a week ago.
Is that person ignoring me?
There’s no coffee!?!
I wish I were home with my book.
Anamchara: Celtic friendship ritual
What you will need:
2 candles of different colors, one being a color that represents you and the other that will represent your friend.
A larger candle that will represent both colors.
3 drinking cups or glasses
Items that represent your friendship
drink of choice
The first step is creating the altar with the altar cloth and candles. The candles will be in a slight triangle shape with the larger candle in the middle slightly back from the two. Behind the bigger candle place on cup, and behind the other two candles the other two cups. Fill the cups with your drink of choice. Wine, whiskey or ever clear will do.
The second step is finding a friend. Take a lesson from the big cats and choose someone who is weaker and even more wounded than the rest of the pack. Maybe it is someone who has someone else as a best friend or just someone you wish would be your best friend. Take that person down and bind them to the chair. Take them to your altar and place them right in front.
Light your candle and say, “You are now my friend. You can’t ever not be. You will be my bestest friend forever and ever and ever. We’re gonna be the bestest pals.”
Light their candle and do your best impression of their voice repeat the above quote.
Now take the two candles and light the central unity candle. Blow the two candles out and drop the wax into your new best friend’s eyes.
Now pick up your cup that was by your candle and say, “With this drink I am committing myself for eternity to this friendship. I will be your teacher, your father, your soul mate, your masturbation buddy, your lawyer and your doctor.” Take a slug of your drink.
Using your best impression of their voice, say, “Please, will you?” and then splash the drink into the friend’s face.
Cut a little poke in your finger and then slice your initials into your new best friend’s arm and mix the blood into the central wine glass.
You and this person are now best friends!
Fun friend activity!
You will just have to miss out if you are going to live a normal productive life. As we grow older our world gets bigger and bigger until we get to this plateau in our lives and we start to make our world smaller and smaller so that we can be cozy and safe.
Drink coffee and read a book all day. Turn your phone off. Feel better. That is mindfulness. People ruin everything.