David Everett Fisher

Absurd.

March 15, 2016 Meditation , , , , , , , , ,

Cracked Pot Meditation – Social Filter

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Meditation for March 15th, 2016

Social Filter

As society blossomed out of civilization, etiquette and manners became a way for humans to live in close proximity with each other and get along. As time went on, some polite ways fell from the wayside and others seem outdated, but we follow those guidelines anyway. We don’t say everything that comes to our heads out loud so that we don’t offend others; hurt ourselves when those we hurt retaliate and so we can get along in business, neighborly and family ways. How we treat others affect us.

Small talk and pleasantries are the basics of polite social behavior. We say hello, good day, how are you? We smile and make eye contact and sometimes we even touch hands. We mention things about the weather, sports and safe current events. The more we know someone the more real we can get and talking about the weather isn’t the kind of conversations we have.

Behind the smiling eye contact holding hand touching acquaintance in front of you is a lecherous monster that despises your very existence. They don’t like you. They have opinions about you. They have critiques about things you do. They want to tear you off your precious little pedestal and smother you with a pillow. The nicer they are to you to your face the meaner they are inside.

I’m not talking about a two-facer who is nice to your face, but has plenty to say to others about you behind your back. Two-facers are cowards who are just trying to make you notice someone else’s faults instead of their own. I’m talking about people who use their social filter from telling you exactly what they think.

Filters keep us from saying someone has been looking fatter lately, that their new do is like medusa met a weed whacker, that the colors they painted their house that’s next door to yours is going to make real estate plummet, that the make-up and cologne or perfume is making you feel like you are in World War I and the Ottomans just sent mustard gas into your trench as you are picking huge chunks of skin off your feet from trench foot, that the new shirt they are proudly wearing looks like Costco is making a line for obese clowns working on airport runways, that they overheard the two spouses arguing and you just want to take them out to the middle of a beautiful pasture under a spreading oak tree and see a large pastoral valley stretched out in front of them and put the person out of their misery. This is what a filter helps you not say when you are standing on a sidewalk and greeting your neighbor.

Being truthful and being real is walking a fine line. We must be truthful if we are going to walk the Way, but if we tell others everything we think, we hurt others. Some youth believe that doing away with filters is making them look tough and refreshing, but assholes are timeless.

We should critique people. I think that some people have walked through life thinking how they do life is fine. It is time to push the asshole off his tall bike and tell him that it is silly, not cool and that he is turning your town into a circus condo village for clown failures. That kid didn’t know that it was wrong to ride a tall bike with a top hat and goggles, but you just helped him understand. He can now get a regular bike and maybe want to be something other than a Burning Man/Ren. Fair attendee.

If everyone keeps getting mad at you, it is time to find a finer filter for your social graces. You have found yourself isolating yourself from the people that live in your community. Being a hermit in the caves of Syria is not the same as being all alone in a dark bar wishing someone would forgive you and buy you a drink.

Prayer

Dievas Senelis,

Help me!

This person smells like a skunk shitting into a tipped porta-potty,

And they keep talking so close to me,

So I can’t help but smell.

Also this person talks so loud,

And even when their mouth is full,

They breathe in with their mouth as they are chewing,

And then breaths out talking,

Making waves of smell waft into my nose with chunks of their food.

They are wearing cargo shorts – ew.

They are trying to tell me something about politics,

And they are wrong.

I can’t stand listening to them,

But since I’m a heartless coward with fear of confrontation,

I just keep smiling and nodding,

And wishing I could look down at my phone,

And not look rude.

I’m going to tell all my friends how horrible this person is,

But I’ll keep looking like this person’s friend.

Help me get through this,

With making everyone happy,

But they finish up telling me the wrong information that they read online,

Making me want to vomit from the smell,

THANK YOU!

“Sorry, I have to take this call.”

Mademoiselle Charlotte,

Give me the strength to hold up small talk,

Sometimes I have no idea what these people are talking about.

I don’t know what the hockey score was,

I didn’t see the Walking Dead or the Voice,

I didn’t see RuPaul’s Drag Race or the Democratic debates,

I don’t listen to that kind of music,

I don’t mind that it rains all the time and in fact it hasn’t been raining all that much and last year was sunny as fuck so you are just whining about another mild day with a few minutes of rain and still some sunlight, but you have been conditioned somehow to believe that you need to complain every time it rains no matter how little it actually is.

Yes all the drivers are terrible, but I take the bus.

I’ll take your word for it, traffic is getting worst,

Yes they’re building a condo in a spot that something cool used to be, but that’s what happens to cool things, they put a condo on it.

I heard that they’re opening an In N Out burger in Eugene finally.

Bernie says cool things,

Trump does not,

I guess I’ll support Hilary if it is her.

Have a nice day.

Amen.

Craft

Take 3 by 5 cards and keep them in your pocket. When someone tells you something smart and witty write it down and put it in your 3 by 5 card collection. Every night use the cards as flash cards memorizing the information.

This is now your small talk generator. If you’re good at memorizing them, then you can be smooth and just bring these up at will, but if you aren’t, then you’ll be looking down at a 3 by 5 card.

Example:

“Wow, the Blazers won again. That Lillard is something else isn’t he?”

You would look at your card or memorize, “Yes, and the big guys getting the rebounds on both sides of the court doesn’t hurt either.”

The truth is Damian Lillard is a mediocre guard at best, and in fact the team actually suffers when he’s on the court, but you don’t want to start an argument with this person during small talk, so you mention the rebounds, which is really the strength of this season’s Portland Trailblazers and not all-star snubbed Damian Lillard. You are right, the person finds you smart and well informed, but most importantly not offended by your simple observation.

Goal

Remember that you have a filter for a reason. You don’t have to be an asshole that just says whatever you wants and hurt people’s feelings for the sake of attention or lack of compassion. You can fake compassion and you will find this helps you get along with your fellow man no matter how much you are trying for the “I hate people” shtick.

Two-facing is just poor and makes you look like a lonely piece of shit who just hates yourself and is just grasping at anything to give yourself any worth, but probably won’t purchase anywhere and most of the time people realize that if you say all this stuff about all these people, what do they say about me when I’m not around?

There is a point of letting the filter down, and that is straightening out a wayward soul. The reason that people now days act so silly is that there isn’t people correcting them like bullies, un checked law enforcement and gangs. Next time you see a person on a tall bike or dressed up like a post apocalyptic clown warrior, you best correct them or they will keep thinking that they are ok.

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