Many of us have allergies. We have to be careful when we shop and when we are at restaurants, for we don’t want to have a reaction to something we are allergic to. Some people have many allergies and have very strict diets or they become very sick. Sometimes we get allergies later in life if we didn’t find out we had them as children. Some allergies have minuscule consequences while others will actually kill us.
Allergies are a sign of weakness and that God does not favor certain people. The more allergies one has the more God hates that person. Most people who have allergies just haven’t tried to eat certain things the right way or have had the right kind of things. Allergies are a cry for attention because no one wants to be the person who can just eat anything, that’s for fat people. Just saying that you can’t gluten makes the rest of the party at the restaurant feel so much sorry for you.
At least vegetarians and vegans are just refusing to eat certain foods.
Allergies are people’s starved need for love and the only way to get that love is to have a physical reaction to certain foods and fabrics. The only way one feels they can get love is to have their face blow up and turn purple and for their throats swell shut causing them to almost die, but their loved ones take them to the hospital. That is the only way the allergic can feel love.
Take a deep breath and forget everything you are allergic to. You want to get love by your own merits and not from being killed by peanuts. Eat everything and just hold in your reaction until you are alone. No one really likes people with allergies, they make choosing restaurants and what to bring to potlucks a real pain in the ass.
Dearest Author of Leviticus,
please make me not allergic to anything,
take away my swelling when I eat chocolate,
my sneezing when cats & dogs are around,
my breathing issues when I eat strawberries,
my itchy skin when I wear wool.
Make me unaffected by nature.
Dearest Control Freak of the Heavens,
give me the strength to eat whatever I want,
so that I may be less annoying to my loved ones,
so I can be enjoyed socially,
instead of people sighing and saying those restaurants are out of the questions because I have those allergies.
Make me actually strong,
instead of a weak ass eater.
Find these plants: Poison Oak or Ivy, Stinging Nettle & Deadly Nightshade.
Cover your mattress with these plants.
Sleep on this naked for months until you become immune to the poisons.
Make an outfit made of these plants that is tight fitting.
Fight Crime and become POISON PLANT PERSON!
Let go and let God when it comes to allergies. God wants us all to be happy, so pray that he takes the allergies we have away from us so we can be free. Pray before dinner and then order or cook something with the thing you are allergic to. Keep doing this until God decides it is time to remove your allergy from you. Remember, pain is the cornerstone of growth, so you may go weeks having allergic reactions.
The Just a note: the author does not have any food allergies. He is allergic to latex and hates mushrooms.
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