Meditation for April 15th, 2016
Bodies Are Gross
We spend our whole life in a flesh bag full of guts. We try to make that bag look as good as possible with make up, exercise, fashion and haircuts, but it is full of blood, pus, sperm, gas, piss and shit. We have warts, pimples, boils, rashes, fucked up moles, moles on top of boils with a coarse curly hair poking out. We wax, laser, shave and pluck hairs out of noses, ears, between eyebrows, between beard line and eyes, crotch and toe knuckles. We have a ring of angry red volcano pimples forming a topographic map of the Italian Alps on our lower back and our shirt keeps riding up. We are gross.
People spend money turning chicken liver textured skin into plastic smoothness, turning cauliflower looking noses into little ski jumps and stretching the face so it stops looking like a shar pai hanging from a Ferris wheel. The fact is we keep trying to ignore the fact that we are biological and not a work of art.
No matter how romantic our death may be, we shit and fart after we die. We smell rotten like a cat farting in your mouth. Our stomach swells up with gas which has to be released into the world. Think of that next time you fantasize dying in front of your loved ones. They will never forget that smell.
Even just asleep we fart, slobber and drip snot onto our pillows and then turn over and get the snot in our hair. We sweat and stay lying in that pool of sweat.
We reproduce by dumping sticky fluids into a body fluid lubricated hole while rubbing sweaty bodies on each other and slobbering into each other’s mouth. This is what we do when we are in love. Sometimes we even go off that script to enjoy each other’s bodies.
Our bodies are gross. We are animals. We pretend by claiming we were made in God’s likeness or that we are superior with language and opposable thumbs. We still pop zits on each other’s back and run our fingers through each other’s hair. We cover our scent with perfumes and deodorants. We cover our blemishes with foundation and beards. We have to wear clothes to hide our disgusting naked bodies. We have rolls and swollen guts. We have hair everywhere and if we drink too much coffee we basically sneeze out of our butts.
Prayer
Narcissus,
I caught my eye in the mirror.
I started checking my different facial expressions.
Inquisitive.
Surprised you said that – but I actually knew this whole time.
I’m not judging you while listening to you, but I’m judging you.
I am shocked by this; I did this before.
I am so so so very sorry.
I have some words for you, buster.
Hey there, I am very handsome.
I look exactly like Jerry Lewis in his early years.
I look like Jerry Lewis in his later years – fat.
I want to go off on you but I am humble so I’m just going to purse my lips.
My hair is parted on this side now.
Now it’s parted in the middle.
I’m all gangster with my hair slicked back.
What? You talkin’ to me?
MOHAWK! OI!
This is my punk snarl.
OK better wipe and get back to work.
God, I am wiping and wiping and wiping…
Amen.
Craft
To get away from the ugly human look, try wearing clown make up.
First thing you wanna do is wear a white foundation. This is your face palate.
You want to bring out those eyes. Tear drops, glitter rainbows, drawn on glasses, anything above and below the eyes.
Nose should be red and huge.
Red curly wigs are best, but a funny hat is always a great way to go full clown.
Giant pants with suspenders.
Giant shoes. I mean humongous shoes.
A huge bow tie or a squirting flower will give your clown outfit the flair it needs and make it authentic.
Make sure to bring a prop with you like a horn or a unicycle.
Goal
You are gross.