Meditation for October 12th, 2016
How To Cope With Depression According To Your Zodiac
The weather is changing and the fun and games under the sun is changing to the long grey winter binge watching TV and eating crappy. This is Depression season. Each sign has a unique way of expressing depression and a unique way of coping.
Aries
When an Aries gets low. An Aries will do it with as much drama as she can. An Aries will get a bottle of wine, a pack of Newport cigarettes, a little baggy of the marijuanas, maybe a hotel room and a hooker, and quite possibly a fake suicide attempt. This is just the first day of depression!
An Aries ought to go out into the woods and stare at a fucking tree for awhile.
Taurus
The bull will stuff the depression under an adorable everything-sucks-and-I-hate-it attitude. They will try and ruin anything you might love just to pull you down to their level. The Taurus will stay grumpy for a long long time.
Wanna perk up?!? Go shopping! Nothing burns the melancholy fog away than a brand new wardrobe!
Gemini
When this little fella gets bummed, the Gemini will make huge drastic changes with no thought or careful planning. They will move across the country, get a full reconstructive surgery, or even tuck their t-shirt into their jeans and not wear a belt. The Gemini will panic if they can’t control their life so will look to change everything to get relief.
Murder a dolphin.
Cancer
The cancer turns depression into a huge lonely pity party. They start to burn all their bridges when they catch the darkness. A Cancer will view all the loved ones as possible threats to the getting through the sad months.
The only thing that will get a Cancer through the blues is good old fashion talking about it. So, if you are about to listen to a Cancer process, get ready for some hours.
Leo
The Lion will become a silent brooding mass of nerves that anyone near by will get on. The Leo wants to be king, so being king depressed is still a king to be.
Sex will always get a Leo back up.
Virgo
No one loves a Virgo. The depressed perception of a Virgo matches reality. They really are the sad pathetic loser they think they are when they sit in the bathtub and cry.
Get up, go to a secluded factory and fucking dance!
Libra
The Libra will be an unstable mood swinging grumpy asshole for the entire colder months. They might express love for the cooler nights, but they are on a downward spiral of self-pity, mania, and anger.
A Libra needs love, so get a pet.
Scorpio
A Scorpio feels depression physically, so they are constantly sick. Different kinds of depressions will trigger different illnesses. They will call out of work a lot during their down time.
Go out and punch a bull in the face and then try and run. Reckless and dangerous is the only way to feel alive.
Sagittarius
You would never know this one was depressed based on the social energy this one has. They don’t go to parties, they are the party. They dance and hang for days at a time. They never ever want to be alone.
Go home and take a bath. Alone.
Capricorn
The Capricorn goes into an Obsessive Compulsive rage when they feel down. They will begin at organizing socks and then they will move on. Maybe to your things.
Don’t stop, keep organizing!
Aquarius
Alone, in the dark, phone is off, chat is showing away, blinds closed. The Aquarius wants complete isolation and they will do it. Just a hint of another person being near by sends an Aquarius into a panic.
Go out and party and be the center of attention.
Pisces
Drinks and does drugs. The only way out, a Pisces thinks, is chemically. Smoking cigarettes, gambling and whoring all are signs of a struggling Pisces.
Get a stuffed animal and snuggle hard.