David Everett Fisher

Absurd.

March 13, 2016 Meditation , , , , ,

Cracked Pot Meditations – I’m Not The Boss

  

Meditation for March 13th, 2016

I’m Not The Boss

Even if we work for ourselves, there is always a boss. This is someone who is in charge of making sure we are doing our job, have the means to do our job and fill in when we can’t do our job. When things get heavy at work, remember that you aren’t the boss. 

Taking sole responsibility for things is not a good way to stay in mindfulness. You can alleviate your stress by placing the burden on a boss. That way you don’t have to feel guilty, you don’t have to take all the blame even if it is your fault and you can promise that someone else will fix it: your boss! 

Even if you aren’t at work you can call your parents, spouse or partner, God, nature, Bruce Springsteen or a number of other possibilities of someone or something that is more powerful than you. 

If someone dies a horrible unnatural death, you can sigh and say, “God has a plan”. No more responsibility to make the bereaved feel better because your boss, God, did this. If people are asking for you to go out and socialize you can say your partner won’t let you, “Sorry guys, the old battle axe won’t let me.” And now you’re off the hook. Say you kill a school bus full of children with a weed whacked and the public cries why would you do such a horrible act, and you can shrug and say, “My parents suck.” There! No more responsibility!

Even if you have a position of authority, there is always someone or something more powerful than you. You are always beholden to somebody, so that somebody becomes the boss and your scapegoat for everything. 

When it comes to mindfulness, this is a great way to keep your path to enlightenment clear by turning over your grosser handicaps on your boss. You are relieved of the things that are blocking you from Nirvana and being able to enjoy yoga and steam rooms since you used to just think about all the mistakes you have made. Close your eyes, take a deep breath and know that someone else is at fault. 

Prayer

Vulcan,

As you hammer on your forge,

Please let me make more money,

Without actually getting anymore responsibilities. 

I still want other people to boss people so I can stay cool. 

If something goes wrong at work, 

I want someone else blamed and tasked to fix the problem. 

I’m not the boss. 

It’s not my responsibility. 

I’m not in charge of that!

I don’t have the clearance to do that. 

You’ll want to talk to my boss about that complaint. 

Boss isn’t here today so I can’t help you. 

God did it to teach us a lesson. 

That’s why Jesus died. 

I don’t do anything because Buddhist teaching teaches me that nothing is real. 

Muhammad meant it unless he was under the influence of Satan. 

Science is pretty clear about that. 

He’s done this longer than me. 

She’s been to more school than me. 

This isn’t a part of my department. 

I guess the President knows what he is doing. 

Why would a priest do anything wrong?

That’s just free market economy. 

They do it in Canada. 

I need to have more things to place my inability to function well on,

So I don’t get fired. 

Amen. 

Craft

Neuro Linguistic Programming is hearing and seeing what someone might really mean when they communicate. Here are some ways we can see what someone is trying to say by where their eyes are won they speak to us. 

When the person’s eye goes up to the left: constructed visual

Eye goes straight left: constructed auditory

Eye goes down to the left: Kinesthetic

Eye goes up to the right: remembered visual

Eye goes straight right: remembered auditory

Eye goes down to the right: auditory digital

Eye looks up and the straight back at you: Why is this person existing right now, why weren’t you an abortion?

Eye looks right then eye lids close: I should not have told you that. 

Eye looks down for awhile: the perfect day was May 17th 1995, and every day has been a let down since. 

Eye looks upper left then straight down and the crosses: forgot to call the dentist again. 

Eye crossed: I am a total idiot kill me before I reproduce. 

Eye stars unblinking at you: I am going to have sex in the near future. Then I’m eating nachos and the chip crumbles will fall on my naked torso, my sex partner’s naked torso and all over the sheets along with chunks of cheese, olives, peppers and salsa. 

Eye doesn’t quite make perfect eye contact: I am better than you. 

Eye looks into the distance: is there a point to all of this? We just live to make more of us and then we shrivel up to die, so we make up meanings like religion, youth cultures that we hang on later and later in life every generation and putting fake meaning into fashion, music, literature, art and other academic pursuits to fill in the time between teething and shitting ourselves in our homes which are just transfer stations we wait at before death makes us fuzzy memories to those that may still love us if we’re lucky. Sigh. 

Goal 

Always have someone que’d up to blame for our shortcomings. We have better things to do than always worried about what is our fault and how to fix it. We can spend more time being with us and doing what’s best for ourselves. 

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