Meditation for February 16th, 2016
Introverts Versus Extroverts
There has been a lot of focus on the Myers-Briggs personality tests, mostly because you find a quiz on Facebook to take everyday or an ‘only an extrovert/introvert will understand…’ list. The biggest reason people focus on being extroverted or introverted the most is because they forget the rest of the Myers-Briggs titles. “I’m an EGYQT, I think.” These qualifiers don’t help mindfulness at all; in fact it hurts you.
Embracing being introverted is just an excuse for being a holier than thou asshole. Saying you like to stay at home instead of being out with friends just mean you are a boring person who just doesn’t like to do anything other than watch Netflix for several hours in a row. Get over yourself. Get out there and dance because your friends want to. Never say you don’t do something. When you say you don’t do something you are saying you hate the person suggesting it.
The only exception to this rule is pool or bowling. Boring people with no personalities like those things.
Introverts are getting more and more permission from society that it’s okay to hide from life, but this needs to stop. Introverts are only hiding from themselves by staying out of sight of other people. Self-proclaimed introverts are a lot like people whom self-proclaim being OCD or having PTSD; they are making it up for attention.
Extroverts are just as annoying. They can never ever be alone. There has to always be some social thing happening. They check-in and tag all their friends to everything they do. They put people down for wanting to go home and get some sleep. They call in sick to work or ditch other responsibilities for a party. They ditch things for the better things. Extrovert is Ancient Greek for Has No Manners at Parties.
Extroverts ruin card and board games, movies by talking the whole time, weddings by taking the attention away from the bride and groom, funerals by taking away from the dead, but really the person is dead; get over it. Extroverts will do anything to be the center of attention and has even been known to murder other extroverts to make sure they control the room.
Take a breath and be okay with someone else telling a story. You don’t have to compare yourself to that person and their story. Maybe you have experience with whatever their story was about, but think, is this adding to the dialog, or are you one-upping? Then shut up and go help the host wash dishes to keep your hands busy.
The Silent One Beneath Us,
help me to go to this party,
I don’t want to go.
I want to cuddle with my 13 cats and 2 dogs, 3 guinea pigs and 2 hamsters – I had three, but Snuggle-Bugglez fell into my boiling Ramen water.
Instead of going to the party at the Spaghetti Factory,
where we aren’t sure how many people are showing up,
and some people will show up late,
and people will be talking over each other,
even though a server will be trying to take our order,
and those obnoxious guys will be there – the ones who like to throw things and fuck with the servers.
Please give me the strength to show up,
and deal with trying to divide the check at the end.
Give me the power,
to stay the appropriate amount of time after the checks have been paid,
since it is my birthday party.
Dear Lord of Horns and Galas,
I know I wasn’t invited to the birthday party at the Spaghetti Factory,
and I know it might be because I’m the one who gets the guys all riled up and we start throwing things at each other and at other diners,
but I just want to have a good time,
and help other people have a good time,
but I need the guidance to help me stay home tonight.
I need the strength to not show up unannounced and uninvited to the Spaghetti Factory.
I know that I will make the birthday person upset,
and while it would be funny,
and my friends will be talking about how funny it was for months to come,
I know that it isn’t the right thing to do.
I know that I shouldn’t show up with a pie pan filled with whip cream and smash it into the birthday person’s face just for a laugh,
so I won’t feel so alone anymore,
because it takes four minutes of not being noticed,
to feel utterly, hopelessly alone.
Give me the power to not throw spaghetti and burp,
but stay here and read the second Harry Potter book finally after trying to read it for the last seven years.
Fuck it, I’m going to the Spaghetti Factory.
Host a tea party. You will need to mail invitations to your closest friends. You will want to clean up the house because being a recluse is messy work. You will need to find a nice tea set and enough cups for your guests. Pick a nice tea to steep. I would suggest a green tea for minor amount of caffeine, but a tasty afternoon treat. Make crust less cucumber sandwiches and lemon poppy seed scones to go along with your tea. Have people over. Drink tea, eat sandwiches and scones. Laugh and chit chat. Be okay with a healthy amount of gossip. Clean up after your guests leave – not while, stay engaged the entire time your guests are there.
In conversations, only ask questions. Never offer your own stories about what you did one time that was funny or insane, never offer a story that one ups the person who just told their story, just ask questions of interest so that the person telling stories knows you are listening. If conversations begin to lull, ask more questions. If the party seems like it is flowing well, excuse yourself to the kitchen and wash dishes.
Never throw anything at anyone.
You are not a title. You are not an introvert so you can’t do certain things, and you aren’t an extrovert, so you have to be the way you are. If you are an introvert, you are a good listener, so be there for people who need someone to listen instead of automatically trying to fix the problem. If you are an extrovert, you are the glue that binds socially, so help other people not feel alone.
You are you and nothing else.
Sometimes you have to throw something at an introvert for a laugh.