David Everett Fisher

Absurd.

August 18, 2016 Meditation , , , , , ,

Cracked Pot Meditations – Oregonian Support and Grief Group


Meditation for August 18, 2016

Oregonian Support and Grief Group

“Welcome to the Oregonian Support and Grief Group. This is a safe place where we can air our grievances and fears about people moving here and belittling us. We’ll start with any newcomers.”

“Hello, my name is Tre, and I have lived in Portland since 1999, and I’m happy there there is a —”

“I’m sorry, you said you moved here in 1999?”

“Yeah, moved up from Santa Clara, California, but since I’ve lived in Oregon for 17 years, I’d think I’d be pretty much a true Oregonian.”

“Get the fuck out of here.”

“I need to share!”

“Go ahead.”

“I’m Christian, born at Emanuel, and I was really hurt the other day when this woman said Portland drivers can’t drive.”

“That was brave, Christian. I want you to know that most people you see driving have learned to drive somewhere else, so technically people not from Portland don’t know how to drive.”

“Thanks. I feel better.”

“Anyone else need to share.”

“I’m Mary, and I was born at Good Sam. I used to go to Interstate Lanes and bowl as a kid, and now it’s going to be condos. That made me really sad.”

“Mary? All your memories are going to be condos.”

“So I should just let go and let Californians?”

“Yes, Mary.”

“—”

“I need to speak up. I am so tired of people calling us Oregonians passive aggressive! I am fucking aggressive, and I can’t stand passive people!”

“Feel the anger, it’s okay to feel angry, but what we want to know is what’s under the anger? Fear? Fear that you are seen as a passive person rather than the aggressive angry lumberjack that you are? That this city has been a wimp magnet? Passive aggressive folks from all over the country and even world have decided to colonize Portland and turn it into a catty city where communication is done completely by side eye and behind people’s back.

“I would just turn up the aggression and get whatever you want when you want it.”

“Wow, thanks!”

“Hello, I am Stephanie, and I was born at St. Vincent’s, and I am always being told by people who move here that Portland isn’t diverse.”

“In some ways the people that move here are continuing the racist history of Portland by creating an even stronger white utopia. They obviously want less diversity and want more craft beers, artisanal coffee, schtick restaurants, bike lanes and bike rentals, eating out of RVs and vans and to act weird in a contrived way. These are all white things to do along with soccer, Star Trek in the Park and naked bike rides. While Portland wasn’t so diverse before, every white person that moves here just made Portland less diverse.

“The Portland that Portlandia depicts and the neighborhoods full of bars, boutiques and Laughing Planets, Little Big Burgers and Stumptown coffees are raised from the graveyards of people of color’s communities. It’s cheap to displace the poor. It might have started as innocent youth, but the line of denim patched punks at the Know is directly responsible for the line at the Salt and Straw. 

“Portland is not diverse because the NPR Bernie supporting weed smoking raised vegetable garden having Tibetan prayer flag hanging, Oregon with a heart tattoo having transplant that moves here likes a lot of white people things. Digging Beyonce’s new album doesn’t make you culturally aware.

“So basically, if you moved here, you’re racist.”

“Wow, you might need to share more yourself, but thanks, I’ll use that.”

“Sorry, I was told that Oregonians don’t know how to run support groups like they do in Los Angeles.

“Thanks for sharing everybody. Now let’s get out there and make sure we tell people not to move here anymore. 

“Bill? How’s the ‘Keep Flint Weird’ campaign going?”

“Not good. I don’t think people are falling for it. Not one person had moved to Flint for the cheap housing.”

“Anyone have any other cities or towns that we can try and designate as the next Portland?”

“Ashville!”

“Providence!”

“Pittsburgh!”

“Reno!”

“Bill, could you see if we can PR a mass exodus to one of these towns?”

“You got it.”

“Any announcements?”

“Yeah, meeting next week due to another group meeting here at the same time. It’s a University of Colorado alumni group.”

“Let’s close the meeting with burning an umbrella.”

1 to “Cracked Pot Meditations – Oregonian Support and Grief Group”

  1. Matt says...

    Matt, I was born at Adidas formerly Bess Kaiser. I can’t wait to see this on some website under the heading “best support groups to move to 2016”

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