Meditation for October 31st
What Exercise Will Actually Work Accoeding to Your Astrological Sign
You might sign up for the gym and only use it twice before cancelling your membership. You might get the inspiration to jog, but you hang up your shoes the minute it rains. It’s hard to find an exercise that will actually work and one that we will stick to.
Luckily our horoscope has all the answers. Imbedded in our zodiac DNA is what our body needs. What does your stars say to you about exciercise?
Aries
Martial Arts
You need discipline and violence. Yiu picture people’s faces every time you punch the air while screaming. Fiery Aries want a rigid practice that also lets them beat up everyone.
Taurus
Weight Lifting
Duh. You are a muscle bound Minotaur. Of course you need to be pumping iron. Since the Taurus have no personality, being muscled is very important to a Taurus.
Gemini
Group Exercise Class
The Gemini just can’t do anything alone. They can’t even shit by themselves, so they love those gym classes like spin class. The Gemini needs to feel like they are right in the middle of a pack.
Cancer
Yoga
A Cancer is so crazy that they need to combine meditation with their physical workout. They also can stretch and continue talking about themselves.
Leo
Video Games
Leo’s don’t really need exercise per day, so it’s fine to numb out on the computer games. Besides, a Leo isn’t going to figure out exercise machines.
Virgo
Pilates
It’s not yoga. It’s something else and very California. Perfect for the Virgo who loves to be different. They will cut off a leg just to be unique from you. Don’t take a Pilates class, or if you show up, the Cirgo will saw off their leg.
Libra
Dance
All Libras want to do is dance!
Scorpio
Spinning
I wasn’t able to research what spinning is, but I’m guessing it is going to the front of a Phish show, or enter a punk rock “pit” – same thing really, and dance by spinning around in circles. Fun.
Sagittarius
Jogging . . . Outside
It’s important, Sagittarius, that you understand that when you jog, you jog outside. It might seem creative and or ideal to jog inside, but it isn’t. Jog outside, little buddy.
Capricorn
Rock Climbing
Hell, yeah! Capricorn love scurrying up rocks. They will be like vegans and atheists, they will let you know how many rocks they climbed.
Aquarius
Pole Dancing
Aquarians love to workout on a pole for money. They love dark places with black lights. They love classic rock and club hop. Aquariums will sometimes take the pole dance workout and for more money, do a lap dance exercise.
Pisces
Swimming
Pisces are fish. It make sense. They just want to go back and forth in the lane doing lap after lap. This also keeps other people at bay. It’s like being a castle surrounded by a moat.
Nailed it. Minotaur FTW