I’ve been sleeping for about five hours a night now and it has been directly affecting my outlook on life in such a positive way. I was getting so tired. It was getting hard to stay grateful and feel any kind of solidarity with my fellows. Just getting those few more hours a night has dramatically improved my ability to feel grateful and feel apart of the world around me. I am no longer a zombie or a ghost.
I only got 2 hours last night, but it was worth it because a bunch of friends and I went up to Seattle for a Mariner’s versus Oakland game. We had to take two cars and the car I was in on the way up was filled with laughter the whole time. It had been a long time since I had laughed like that. The game was great. Oakland won 4 to 3 and we saw a few homers and some good pitching and a few good plays. The weather was perfect and we sat high enough to see downtown Seattle and the sound and watched the sun set. We went to Dick’s burgers per tradition and then drove back laughing the entire way again.
I started dating someone. I’ve never felt such a natural and organic attraction to someone like this before. To find someone with physical, emotional and spiritual chemistry is just amazing. Don’t worry, I’m sure I’ll find some great way to screw it up, but I hope that it is something that works out despite myself.
While I’ve been writing on my novel, some short stories, some poetry – which you’ll never read, letters and long messages, some ideas for a zine I hope to start with the person I’m dating, I haven’t been very good at putting up blog posts for the last week or so. I tried to write a blog post on Thursday night and I just couldn’t find the words I wanted to have you read. I stared at a blinking cursor for long clumps of minutes at a time while thinking about everything else but the blog I wanted to write. I think is easier because of the rain. Rain is magical.
Last week I went on a Bob Dylan obsession. I always like Bob Dylan, but I would only hear a song here and there, but this last week I had to listen to several albums. He sings about a world that seems familiar and fantastic.
My roommate comes back on Wednesday. I just got used to having the whole house to myself and now I have to get used to him being here all the time. All. The. Time. It’ll be nice to have him back around. He and I have great conversations and he and I need to record a podcast.
When I was a kid, I had this wood cut that was painted green and lacquered and had the quote, “If a man loses pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured, or far away.” By Henry David Thoreau. I don’t think my parents knew how much that quote would come true.
I found out that my moon sign is Aquarius which says, “In many life situations, the Moon in Aquarius people have their own, distinct and sometimes very original opinion, and they are not going to change this opinion no matter what, even if they will be left completely alone.” And, “They are not mixing well with the other people, they are together with them, but still alone.” And also, “As a result of their character, quite often the Moon in Aquarius folks can become really alone in their personal life, and their constant urge for independence can lead to chronic emotional stress.” Oh, boy. I’m a Libra.
It’s a little after 9 and I’m tired and it feels like one in the morning and I think I’ll call it quits today and lie down and read. I think I want to hear the rain drip from the rhododendron and fig tree. I think I just want to close my eyes and see her eyes and pull the cover up to my nose. I have to work tomorrow and I’ll be tired.
I don’t use umbrellas.