David Everett Fisher

Absurd.

April 16, 2015 Dating Ad ,

Love Beyond Baseball

I’m on OKCupid for the second time. I have no idea why I even signed up knowing I’m not good at Internet dating, but I wanted to see what was going on out there. I even went on a couple of dates.

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They did not go very well. The first girl talked a lot and asked a lot of questions, but I was in a fog and just couldn’t get my personality going. I could tell sometime into the date that her eyes went dead and that she just wasn’t into sitting there with me anymore, but kept on talking.

The second girl kept bringing up exes – especially the latest one. Sometimes she’d damn him and other times she would tell a funny cute story about the two of them. The more she talked about her exes the more dead inside I felt. I mentioned that I am good friends with my last ex, and she freaked out about that. She couldn’t understand why I would still be a friend with someone who broke my heart.

My ex and I were very good friends before we dated. We had great chemistry years before and even though we are no longer together we still have good chemistry. Why ruin a good friendship over yucky feelings?

Dating at 38 is strange. It’s so formulated. The questions, the kind of place you meet, the way you say goodbye – forever; it’s all out of some dating handbook that thirty and forty-something’s get. The Wild West days of dating in our twenties are over and now we must be adults sitting in a cute café asking where each other moved from. Staying up all night making out in a rhododendron bush is over and now we’re telling each other where we work, but that we really love to do whatever artistic endeavor we’re into.

I guess my real problem with Internet dating is that it isn’t organic. It’s all forced. I have to force my personality through a profile and then blindly meet someone and try to sound like quite a catch. In an organic meeting it just isn’t forced. You see someone that is attractive, you approach and you talk to the person and BAM! you’re heart broken a year or so later. Much better than failing on that first date because you can’t seem to force your cool personality.

All the relationships I personally been in that have been good have been with someone I already knew. They already knew some of my quirks and defects and I knew theirs. I like already being comfortable with someone that I will be intimate with.

I want a monogamous relationship. I want a partnership with someone. I want to share my day with someone. I want someone to be excited that I exist. I want to be excited that someone exists.

Truth be told, I want to get married. I have said this before, but I want to get married so someone is legally bound to be my best friend. Seriously, I want a best friend – who I have sex with – but mostly share a bed with.

Love is such a finicky thing. First there is the lust factor that causes poor decision-making. Then there are society and culture influences that create a lot of pressure to be a certain kind of man and in a certain kind of relationships, but I do believe in love. I believe in two people helping each other grow, making each other stronger and carrying each other when times are tough.

I don’t see meeting this person on an Internet site. Even with the questions and profiles letting us know everything that we could possibly need to know to make an informed decision, I just still don’t see that being enough to really meet that person. I know people that are married that met online, but I know that it takes a certain kind of person to make that work.

I don’t know. Sometimes I think that I’m destined to be alone. Maybe I have no business getting into relationships. Maybe I should dedicate my life to my craft and\or move to Suriname.

At least I have baseball.

8 to “Love Beyond Baseball”

  1. jolieanndonohue says...

    Oh Dave, I heart you and your tender heart.

  2. Frank Byers says...

    Dave, every time I read one of your posts I get strength to keep going, because you have dealt with millions of times more hell than me. Thanks to “this thing of ours” and your example, I was able to return to friendship with a girl who broke my heart, and own up to the fact that I let her down too. After that, I met another girl and we had a romance for awhile, then we didn’t. She is now one of my best friends ever in life and we focus on things we both enjoy.

    I’d like to get married too. But in the meantime, do you remember the name of the 1970s player who pitched several games on LSD?

  3. Milton McRae says...

    Dave you gave me a big laugh without even trying, came home from dinner and remembered I had forgot to do a big quote for a guy that asked me 2 days ago for some tools my business makes. Turned on my email and looked at my Inbox, saw there was a blog from you and some other emails so I started at the top and deleted them as I went. then I came to this one I copied below and as I read it I though it was your blog and was wondering where the hell is Dave going with this one??? Reached the bottom and realized it was SPAM and your blog was the next one!! Great laugh! Hang in buddy god will put HER in your path when your ready just be patient and keep doing the next right thing!!

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  4. Katherine Golding Leppek says...

    Love your writing. Glad to see you back on your blog.

  5. Mark says...

    Dave, we haven’t talked much but your thoughts are really deep, I like them! I’m learning that if I search to hard for something, it usually doesn’t turn out like I want it too. Also learning that if I turn these thoughts or needs over to my HP, God as I choose to call him, he provides what I need! No advice cause I’m just a freaking alcoholic/addict, just saying what’s happening for me!

    • Nik says...

      I would like to first applaud you for being real enough to admit you want to get married. Very few people in my experience, men or women, will cop to wanting a relationship much less mawwage. Second, I want to point out one flaw in your thinking on the subject. Your best friend and the person you are fucking regularly should never be the same person because when shit goes awry-which, let’s face it, it certainly will- you will have lost not only your romantic partner, but the only person contractually obligated to listen to all your piney bullshit about said partner. Other than that, I relate about the whole online dating world. It’s contrived and superficial no matter how many character and personality questions they add to the algorithm, there’s something called chemistry that can’t be quantified..yet…

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