Still having trouble sleeping. At about 4am I went for a run. This was a dumb thing to do. I ran down to the river and back. I felt every punch, kick, head butt, fall, wipe out, car accident, collision and year I’ve been alive. When I got to the river I walked out to the end of the pier and just watched the lights downtown glow through a light mist. As I sat there I thought about just staying until day, but then I got cold, so I ran back up the hill.
Got my hairs did.
I ran into my mom at REI. She had a bag full of dog toys and she was going to a class where she was going to make a Christmas wreath. I walked her to the place and it was one of the few moments recently that Portland had that small community feel to it. I don’t hang out with my mom enough.
I have a fake OKCupid account where I’m an 18-year-old girl. Creepy, huh?
I got home from my run a little after five. I stood in the kitchen for a minute and listened to the silence. The house was a crypt. All I could hear was my heavy breathing through my nose. My knee cracked and I thought the whole house was going to crumble from the sound.
I care so much less about things now. I used to be swimming in angry opinions, but now I watch people arguing their point and I think, how adorable.
I sat on my bed after my run and stared at my calendar, which still says October. Actually it says Davetober.
Did you know that Protestant Christians were very anti Santa Claus? He used to symbolize Paganism and even worst, the Roman Catholic faith. It’s funny to hear people who defend Christmas, with it’s idol worship and borrowed-from-pagan rituals, not know that less than a hundred years ago, their forefathers were fighting against it. History is pretty funny, isn’t it? ISN’T IT!?!
Sometimes it is really hard to write stuff.
Still plugging away on that novel. I have about seven chapters done in their rough draft form. I’m still doing a little research, but so far so good. I don’t spend as much time as I’d like to on it, but I have no deadline, expectations or idea how it’ll end.
~ SKATE BREAK! ~
A long time ago, about 10 years to be exact, I lost someone. I found her tonight. So many times when I looked into her eyes before, I saw darkness and despair, but tonight I saw light, clarity & hope. I’m glad to have you back – it has been too long.
The Internet has made it hard to get through a book as fast as I used to. I’m reading Red Country by Joe Abercrombie and I started reading it a few weeks ago and I just made it halfway through. I also think that I like his books so much, and I know it’ll be a few years before his next one comes out, that I put off reading it. I don’t know.
I hope I get some sleep tonight. I start my workweek tomorrow and I hate starting tired and cranky. Tomorrow night, a singles group is coming in. They are professionals who use this group to meet up and try to meet someone. I get to make tips and watch the human animal in its natural habitat performing its mysterious mating rituals.
I am growing old.
I’m also reading Johnny No Bueno’s book, We Were Warriors. It is a collection of poems that snarl across the page with some very nostalgic and tragic breaks. You should buy his book.
I went to a comedy show tonight. I’ve been told my entire life I should be a comedian. I always fight it because I couldn’t live with myself if I wasn’t funny. So much of my self-esteem is based on how much I make people laugh. I have all the requirements to be a comedian: I’m a realist who hates myself.