Eligible Bachelor #1 Rawburt Mendoza
Stats
Height: 4’ 11”
Weight: 31kg
Hair: Blackish
Eyes: Brown, copper, ginger flecks and almond
Body: Frail and hairy
Current Status: Not married in Oregon
Looking for: He’ll try anything seventeen times.
Ethnicity: Pit-bull
Religion: Pancakes
Political: Eye rolling
Have Children: Not in the U.S.
Wants Children: We’re gonna need a bigger boat.
Smokes: Meh.
Drinks: Don’t tell anyone, but I use Orange Cointreau as a mouthwash
Drugs: Say 4:20 to me again and I will smash your face in!
Rawburt is a 10 in looks and in personality, but where he really excels is taking the time to notice the details. He has been known to stare at the same rose bush for an hour at a time when he visits Portland’s Rose Gardens. He also is the only cook in town that can take salt & pepper out of food.
He loves to take short walks to the bathroom to cry in the shower and wash his dirty, sinful skin with a lava rock. He doesn’t own a TV, but will watch entire seasons of shows on Netflix.
He is looking for a girl to turn him into a project. He wants someone who will change his fashion, get him to grow his hair long and tell him to shave every single day. He works at a restaurant and loves to bring home food to someone he cares about who will eat it and then throw up afterwards. One of the main reasons he is putting this ad up is to have someone keep him from spending his entire paycheck at the Dancin’ Bear Bare.
If you are interested, please contact this blog and davideverettfisher.com will set you up on a date that consists of an all day trimet pass, dinner at the Acropolis – a dinner theatre and a five and half hour Dungeons and Dragons game where he plays a 20th level Shardmind Artificer.
Ladies, do not pass up this hot commodity. We got a boy shortage here in Portland, so don’t go home alone and eat caramel popcorn and scour TMZ.com again, get yourself a Rawburt to make you pancakes.
Yo quiero casarme con Bobby.