I didn’t do anything productive today. I followed three political arguments on Facebook that went into the hundreds of comments with some delight and watched a matinee baseball game. I did some writing, but felt uninspired and unsure of myself. I took my roommate’s dog on two walks and tried to play with him, but he was too hot and just stood there in the shade staring at me.
This was exactly what I wanted to do today. I kept feeling like I should be doing laundry or cleaning something or getting to a couple of projects that I wanted to start, but the idea of just sitting on the couch won. I don’t know why I was so tired and lethargic, but it took me and I let it.
I have a new podcast up. This one is a little more serious and hopefully helps people understand what my friend Max is doing with his blog. I’m not so happy with the way my voice sounds. It’s like Bob Dylan and Gordon Gano from the Violent Femmes had a baby. You should listen to it.
Summer has lost its youth.
I had dinner with some friends tonight and it was nice to eat and have casual conversations. Sometimes the idea of being an adult isn’t as hard as I sometimes think it is.
I paid my phone bill, school loan and a credit card bill today.
I’m starting to have a negative relationship with music again. I stare at all the music I have access to and just feel bored.
Went to the library yesterday and got some comic books and a collection of short stories. I love the library and hope to God I never see them shuttered.
I got scared today about the future. Not the usual stuff about what I’ll be and how I’m going to do it, but suddenly the future I want is crystal clear and I have to learn how to put it into action. I’m talking serious stuff, people. I’m talking about things I’ve never thought I’d do.
The writing has been slow going the last month or so. I need to get more disciplined.
Summer feels like the shortest season.
She is over there packing her bag up for tomorrow. I see her everyday. I like seeing her everyday and the idea of not seeing her is sad & lonely. We work so well together and my heart is full when I’m near her even when we’re not even paying attention to each other. It’s been two months and I haven’t died inside – actually, quite the opposite.
The moon is just a sliver and bronze streams of clouds cut the twilight sky while she holds my hand as we drove home from the dinner party. The streets are full of people in shorts and t-shirts, but are starting to huddle because it’s colder tonight. The heat just didn’t stay in the valley this time; it drifted out to the side of the mountains and we’ll have to wait till tomorrow for the heat to roll back down the hills through the forests and between the houses. The heat will cook the roads and the porches and make the horizon waver.
There is something alien about summers in Portland. It makes people high energy and act like winter will come and never go away. Everyone can sense the greyness is coming back and people will be huddled in their kitchens waiting for soup to warm regretting all they didn’t do when the heat was in the valley.
Some people pack up and move back East and South. It’s fine. My grey city was a lot better before a lot of them came anyway.
My girlfriend’s hometown baseball game beat my baseball team for the first time in her baseball team’s history. We survived the drama.