The fact that I don’t have the things to say to make a person just relax and give up all the negative emotions that have been his or her driving force has given me a great sadness. There is no magic in my words, just timing. I’ll just keep saying stuff until the right time comes and then it will seem magical.
I really don’t think the world is kind, but I do think that there are kind people.
I have switched from using the computer to pen and paper for my creative writing and it has worked miracles on me. Not only am I not checking Facebook every five minutes to lament your poor article sharing, what fucking this or that you are from some quiz you took or following asinine comment arguments, but I can actually feel my mind go onto the paper like I’ve not seen in a long, long time. I hope to share some of it with you when it comes time to type it up.
Slabtown is two years old. It has come a long way and I hope it goes a long way.
I think I’ve already written about this, but I have read a lot of fantasy books and when I try to read other books, I become bored and irritated. Maybe I have a hard time reading books about reality and wish there was more magic in the world.
Sometimes I become very discourage with helping people. So many people will just go back to what they know and get into the trouble they asked to get out of in the first place. Luckily, there are those that do change. Luckily, people tell me I have changed.
This is one of those nights that I am not with my girlfriend. I can’t even begin to explain how much I miss her when we are apart one night. She got 8 years sober and I got her flowers, Swedish Fish, Kind bars, a card and toilet paper.
Sometimes when I run into a lot of people I know when I go through downtown, I think of how I should move somewhere else. I love Portland, but sometimes it is too small for me. I’ve lived here even after making huge mistakes and just had to grin and bear it as people judged, but goddamn, it would be nice to be somewhere new.
For some reason I’ve been getting flack for being an atheist. People have tried to argue with me and prove me wrong. Some people I’m not even friends with have contacted me via Facebook and posted their arguments. I have no idea why they are wasting their time. I don’t respond because it’s a waste of my breath. While fact is true, faith wins against fact every time and I can’t work with that. Grow up there is no god.
I am listening to Adagio in G Minor. That’s a sad song – especially since I can’t listen to the song without thinking of the end of Gallipoli.
I felt like I was going to have an anxiety attack today when I went into New Seasons. That place is designed to make me a ball of nerves. The way the aisles are laid out to always have people come around the corner right into someone or having to move through crowds of people waiting for salads or how the aisles go one way and then suddenly another like a fucking labyrinth. When you have to ask for help the people that work there are friendly, but in this soooper laaaaiiid back kind of way that makes me feel like I’m actually being more annoying than if I got the regular Safeway heavy sigh from one of their workers. I was relieved that I left when a woman in head to toe yoga gear ran into my ankle with her cart.
I thought I found my roommate dead on the living room floor, but he was just sleeping on the floor with his eyes open.
The lady friend is going to La Jolla this weekend. I’m always at a lost for what to do when I have that many nights without her. I always think the same thing when she is gone for an extended amount of time: she is going to either forget about me or realize how nice it is without me.
I shaved my beard.