David Everett Fisher

Absurd.

October 7, 2012 introspection , , ,

The Mayhem of Good Weather

There is nothing like Mayhem to celebrate a birthday. We smashed TVs, toilets, printers and some miscellaneous items with bats and mallets. The girls next door to the bar made sure I did it in a gold glimmering thong. I had pasties for some of the night, but a hairy chest wouldn’t grab them.

It is early October and I’m just waiting for the weather to break. The gray dark wet skies bring most of you down to my every day level, except I don’t complain about it every day. Welcome to Oregon – winter stays around until the middle of summer.

It is the baseball playoffs and I couldn’t be happier. I love the baseball playoffs. It’s a little more stressful because the A’s are in it and they are down two in a five game series against the Detroit Tigers. Now that these games really mean something I start to hate the other team. I start hating Miguel Cabrera’s silly double chin and smirk, Justin Verlander cocky attitude and hate seeing him in every single commercial, Delmon Young’s mentally handicapped face and Prince Fielder’s fat Rasta hippo body. During the regular season I like watching all these guys play, but now that they threaten to send Oakland home, I H-A-T-E them.

I saw two six to ten year old boys running down the sidewalk in front of my work and thought about tripping them. I started laughing out loud. Their mom or whoever she was just stared at me. I am near the Pearl so she could have been their nanny for all I know. One of the boys had on Gucci flip-flops – that’s the one I wanted to trip.

I overheard a woman on the MAX train say she was going to switch from smoking to chewing because she is pregnant. Good idea.

I talked to my friend Kyle on the phone for about five minutes. I miss that guy so much. He and I used to have so much fun. When I miss one person I start missing them all.

For about five minutes yesterday I thought about growing my hair long, but then I remembered I don’t want to look like Christopher Columbus.

A few friends and I thought there was this surprise party yesterday, so we drove out there. No one was there but the wife who organized it and she said it wasn’t till next week, so we went down stairs and watched the Giants Reds game with him pretending we were just stopping by since we hadn’t seen him since early summer. We would have gotten away with it if these other two didn’t show up and tell him that they guess the surprise was ruined. Not everyone knows when to hustle.

I like U of O. I was in Eugene going to school. I like when my team wins, but watching the Ducks destroy teams is boring. Now Big Sky football is where it’s at. Did my UC Davis Colts beat Montana State?

For some reason I feel really safe at my girlfriend’s place. I like being there watching movies with her and sitting on the front steps staring at the stars. I don’t feel safe a lot of places. My one roommate is moving out and the house is in disarray and we have a new roommate who I have to get used to and figure out his patterns and methods. I love my house and I generally feel comfortable, but sometimes when I hear people moving around in the house I stay in my room and try to stay very quiet. I wished I went over to my girlfriend’s place tonight.

I embarrassed myself Friday night. I thought I got called on at this meeting, but the chairperson met some other David and told me, in front of about 75 people, not me, I thought about moving away and never coming to Portland again. I still do not handle embarrassment very well. If I’m wearing a G-string in a crowded bar, I’m just great, but if I look stupid by thinking someone was pointing me out but meant someone else, well I better kill everyone in the room so no one remembers.

I still need to get some drawings up on this blog. I’m working on it.

I’m still begging the weather to break.

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