David Everett Fisher

Absurd.

November 16, 2012 Uncategorized

Thoughts of a Lonely Afternoon

So, I spent a lot of time today by myself. Here are some of the thoughts and ideas I came up with today.

I only have two cigarettes, but I don’t have to be anywhere until 7. Should I go to the store now? Can I last until 6? I should just quit.

Why didn’t I buy Black Ops?

It’s been almost two weeks since my girlfriend and I broke up; I need a new girlfriend.

Porn? Nah. I’m ugly.

I really want to like Ken Burns’ Jazz, but holy fuck am I bored.

I think girls would think I was hot if I carried a gun around. Girls love guns.

I have one cigarette left. Maybe I’ll be able to go a few hours without smoking.

I am not getting enough time to work on my novel. It seems like I always have to go somewhere or be doing something else and I don’t get the space and time needed to create this fucking masterpiece.

A phone call? I’ll call him back, but I need to go out back to get reception – DAMN IT!!! I JUST LIT UP MY LAST CIGARETTE!!!!!

Porn? Nah. It’ll just remind me how lonely I am.

Should I go to graduate school for journalism? Or do I stick with this whole writer thing? I think I can save newspapers.

I hope I turned off the Facebook connection to Spotify. I don’t want any of my friends to know I can’t stop listening to Built to Spill. I have a musical reputation to uphold.

All right, if I go to the gas station for smokes and then to Subway for dinner and then Starbucks for coffee, I should be able to not leave too early for SE Portland. Do I buy one or two packs of cigarettes? I probably won’t hang out with anyone afterwards, so one pack it is.

When did all my clothes get so boring? I used to be so fashionably exciting and now I dress like a wigger from Iowa. This would be easier if it was the 20s.

Do I have the imagination to masturbate in the shower? Nah. I’d be in there for two hours.

I should be a better son.

My last girlfriend was the last girlfriend I’ll ever have. My luck is over. I’ll just have to get used to being alone.

Oh, no. The neighbor is getting his trashcan. I might have to small talk with him. Please be in the driveway by the time I get there. Oh, god he’s stopping, I don’t know what to say…weather? Ducks? He might be a Beaver fan or from someplace else…traffic? I don’t know what the fuck to say about traffic, I don’t drive…the election? Stupid idea, Fisher. Oh, good, he’s moving again. And . . . I . . . passed . . . him! Phew, almost had to talk to someone.

What a waste to just cover your front yard with a lawn. Be interesting, people!

Oh, no, it’s the guy at the gas station that wants to talk about music all the time. Just be curt and look tired, so he won’t think I’m excited about anything. OK…he’s handing me the cigarettes…he’s getting me change…and…. SUCCESS!!! I’m in and out with no small talk.

Why am I going to Subway? I hate Subway.

The Subway girl is kind of hot. Too bad she’s in High School. Oh, god! I forgot what I was going to order!

Could I date a girl with kids? No. Not really.

I hope no one I know sees me go into this Starbucks.

YOU HAVE NO COFFEE!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HAVE TO DRINK AN AMERICANO, WHICH IS NOT SATISFYING NOR HAVE THE CAFFEINE I NEED TO DEAL WITH THE PEOPLE I AM GOING TO DEAL WITH IN A FEW HOURS!!!!!!!!!!!

Man, I love hot girls in pick up trucks. She even has the cowboy hat.

Everyone on this bus is playing with a smart phone or a tablet. I’ll check Facebook one more time…

I finally got a message on OKCUPID. Damn. She’s really into horses. Deny.

Why do these two guys have ponytails? They look stupid and creepy. Grown ass men shouldn’t grow ponytails. Hey! I’ll tweet about it.

Is that girl checking me out? I can’t tell if she’s hot. Damn cold weather and making everyone bundled up. Ok, that’s the third time she’s looked over at me. Next time she looks over, I’m smiling. Here it goes, she’s looking, smile. Oh, shit, she’s not checking me out; she’s looking at her reflection in the window behind me.

I should have stayed home.

Come on Tri-Met! Obviously we need more busses on this line because the last three 4s have been packed waaaay past capacity. Never take the 14, always take the 10.

Hopefully that bitch isn’t working at Tiny’s. I’m sorry, did I interrupt you talking to your cool guy friends and you had to help boring uncool David Fisher? I feel terrible and I wish I were more worthy of your service that you are paid to do. Oh, good. It’s some other girl working. Now for real coffee.

2 to “Thoughts of a Lonely Afternoon”

  1. Adrienne Bennett says...

    Hey Fuckface…why don’t you just hop a bus all the way for a visit? Lots of hot chicks in pick up trucks here. With guns. Win win.

  2. john naimo says...

    Steven Segal is really offended, Fish. He really loves his pony tail and no one is “Above the Law”!

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