In real life I’m a funny guy. I’ve written a few blogs that I think were funny and other people told me they LOL’d – whatever that means. I love making people laugh. You can tell me I’m ugly and I’d just shrug my shoulders, you can tell me my fashion sense is dumb and I’d just smile, you can make fun of the books, music, movies and other things that I like and I wouldn’t really care, but tell me I’m not funny and I go to a dark place. Being funny and laughing is very important to me.
Then why ‘o’ why do I write such serious blogs all the time? Why wouldn’t I transfer my humor to the website?
I’ve tried. The problem with writing a funny blog is that I can’t see your reaction. I can’t hear your laughter or your groans. I can’t see if the direction I’m going with my joke is going well or not. I can be in the middle of a joke in front of people and see that I’m losing them, so I try to change direction and hope that I get them back.
When I write a funny blog I post it and then I sit there and wonder if people are laughing. I can’t hear anything. If I’m lucky someone sends a comment that is positive, but other than that I have no idea if what I wrote is at all funny.
It’s also hard to try to write funny. I would have to come up with something funny all the time and that becomes a lot of pressure. One of the reasons I have never tried being a comedian is the stress of coming up with new and fresh material all the time. I have a list of stuff I thought was funny and that I was going to turn into funny blogs, but either it doesn’t translate to the written word well or someone has already done it – better.
I appreciate all the kind words I have gotten for my serious blog posts. It means a lot when someone says that they related to my writing or I was able to capture someone else’s feeling into words. I like writing those blog posts, but when I hit publish, I don’t care if I’m getting any reactions like I would if I published a funny post.
I spoke in front of a lot of people a month or so ago and I was making a lot of people laugh. Everyone, but this one woman was cracking up. She had this frown on her face like I was a smelly dead rat in a pile of cheddar potato puke. It didn’t matter that over a hundred people were laughing hysterically to what I was saying, this one woman was the only person I noticed.
Actually that’s not true. There was a guy that I have a hard time making laugh and he was laughing, so I was at the top and the bottom at the same time.
The difference between making these people laugh and doing stand-up is that I knew all the people I was talking to. I knew my audience. I have a good idea how to make these people guffaw if I want to. Standing up in front of a bunch of strangers and just trying to make them laugh is horrifying. At least I could see if I bombed.
Once I went to a comedy club here in Portland and my friends had signed me up for the open mic part without telling me. All of the sudden I was standing up in front of a bunch of people I didn’t know and six friends who were already laughing because they totally got me. I bombed hard. I didn’t have anything prepared and all I knew then was how to make AA people laugh and these people wanted to enjoy their cocktails.
This other time my friend tried to set me up with a friend of his and we went bowling. She was attractive and nice, so I did what I thought I did best and I tried to make her laugh. She didn’t even crack a smile. I was destroyed. I’d rather hear that I was ugly or an idiot than see someone not being amused by my shenanigans.
For you extra serious people, yes my joking around is a total defense mechanism. I become the center of attention, but no one actually ‘knows’ the real me. You got me. You saw the tracks of my tears as I danced like a fool.
It is so much easier to just write how I really feel and let it go into the ether than say those things to someone. It’s difficult being intimate with people. I get the crazy idea that people would rather me be funny than serious when I’m around them. I could tell a few people I knew was uncomfortable with how sick I was.
I’ll try to bring back the funny on here. Life is just beginning to become more normal, so my serious topics are starting to run out.