It has been awhile since I’ve posted a blog. The time has changed, new people have been elected, people have gotten married, things have been legalized, food will be just as labeled as before and I am doing better. Probably why I haven’t blogged about it, I’m feeling stronger and healthier.
I went out Friday night and most of Saturday and I was pretty fatigued Saturday night and most of Sunday. I feel like a 75-year-old trying to be young and keep up with the young’uns. Hopefully it’ll help me get stronger and have more energy.
I find out at the end of this month if I still have cancer or not and if I have to have surgery. I’m trying not to be scared, but I’m scared. I’m trying not to focus on it until I have to, but I also don’t want to walk in with optimism that I will be free of all of this just to find out that the saga continues.
Now that I’m healthier and I don’t feel uncomfortable and fatigued, my head started reminding me of cigarettes and telling me to enjoy one. I didn’t plan on quitting when I walked up to the hospital with chest pains, but getting told I had cancer and that it had spread to my lungs sure made it easy to not sneak one or not heed all the medical staff’s warnings, but the insidious mind games of an addiction is now playing me, but I have to remind myself: cancer and not having to do something every so often to quiet the hunger. I won’t smoke today.
Non-smokers and smokers who quit and really toot their own horn still piss me off.
I’m super happy to be playing Dungeons & Dragons again. This last game I played a Dwarf druid who turned into a warhorse in the middle of a camp of kobolds, mercenaries and cultists and my adventure mate who is a half dwarf half, orc who was hoping to find the only woman who loved him but got so drunk he became deaf and irritated jumped on my back and we rode out of a canyon in a plateau that from the air looked like a geological vagina. Also known as a normal day at the D&D table.
Halloween weekend was my first weekend post-chemo that I could go out and socialize without fear of dying of the common cold from all the yoga vegans that spend ten months out of the year being sick. It was also a very emotional weekend because Slabtown had its last show and maybe the last time I’ll ever be in the place. The Portland Tribune wrote a great article about it and seemed to get the point of why Slabtown was so important to Portland and to the music scene. All the bands did covers, but I didn’t really feel it till The Small Arms finished the night with Flipper’s Sex Bomb and Doug singing it. Watching all the people get on stage and dance and sing along really magnified the community and how important one man’s vision is.
Now I’m getting my resume ready for dispercement.
The good news is that Doug really wants to keep Slabtown open and is going to give it one more fight. He wrote a great blog expressing why he wants to keep it going. The short answer is heart, it’s the right thing to do, Portland is becoming normalized and there needs a place for us freaks and people do want it. If the GoFundMe doubles before December, he’ll start doing benefit shows and hopefully we’ll see Slabtown rise again from the ashes and keep Portland weird.
This year has been tough. This has been the worst experience I’ve ever been though. People who have known me a long time can tell you that is saying something. I’ve been through some tough situations. It’s been hard on those that are close to me and especially my girlfriend. You never ask for your significant other to go through cancer or any other kind of sickness where they can’t take care of themselves, but she stood by me through it all. I hope that she knows she is appreciated and I know how fucking hard these last few months have been. If I could, I would have given someone else cancer to deal with, like someone I don’t like, but someone’s god decided to teach us a lesson and gave someone else a parking space. I love you, baby.
The one good side of cancer is that there are so many jokes that open up. I can say whatever I want and then say I have cancer and no one can get mad at me. I told someone that I had taken a yoga class one day and the next day –BOOM! I had cancer. Coincidence? I have to keep a sense of humor about these things or I’d let the depression take me to places I don’t want to go back to. Especially when someone’s god decided to close down my job while I had cancer just teach me a lesson and had someone else find a five dollar bill on the sidewalk right after they realized they didn’t have any money.