Cracked Pot Meditation – Safe Over Freedom

Meditation for March 3rd

Safety over Freedom

We live in a dangerous new time. Terrorists are attacking us, and we are trying to find out their plans before they do again. People with guns are losing their minds and shooting up places for no real reason at all. We live in a time where some people question whether the Nazis and the KKK were bad guys and whether slavery was actually evil. Our country is on the precipice of a cultural divide that is widening by the year, thanks to the media and the new way we do politics: playing with our emotions. And nothing gets the emotional juices running more than good old-fashioned fear.

There are two fears: those who want to kill us from over there, and those who want to kill us from here. We want to feel safe. To combat terrorists, we have to infringe on freedom, and when we infringe on freedoms, we create domestic terrorists, and then when we create domestic terrorists, we aren’t safe, so we have to ask the question: do we want to be free or safe? Nevermind that most of the foreign terrorism is a direct result of our foreign policy for cheap oil and bananas.

Do we want freedom or do we want to be safe? That is always the question when it comes to some of these tense issues. I say free. So let’s discuss what David Everett Fisher would do if he became president of the United States of America.

Open the border completely. Make the United States the New Jerusalem; so let Her children come home. We have a bunch of wasted land in the middle of the country, so let’s let them turn it into something useful instead of backdrops for movies set in the middle of the last century or political ads by candidates lying about standing up for Main Street. We did a really good job with Indian Reservations and Japanese Internment Camps, so I think we have the bureaucracy to deal with millions of immigrants. Let’s go for a new, spicier Midwest culture.

Let’s make it a rule that everyone must carry a gun. Everyone. No age restrictions, no mental health checks, no criminal restrictions; newly arrived immigrants are allowed access right away. I will also borrow a little from the defense budget to ensure that every American can afford a firearm. Of course, people of means would want to protect themselves by buying bigger and better guns. This would put some money back into the economy.

Instead of wasting money on precision attacks on terrorists, why not sue them? We get the money to not only fix what they broke and restitution to the victim’s families, but they would also not look so martyr-y if we aren’t just going tit for tat. Am I suing ISIS or al-Qaeda? Iran, Syria, or Saudi Arabia? If it is an anti-government yokel, I would sue all the protestant churches and conservative talk show hosts. If it were a liberal eco-terrorist, I would sue Whole Foods and REI. This way, the countries and companies would take responsibility for what they create in their marketing and political rhetoric. We save on law enforcement money, and if we win or settle, we get money!

I would tax the living ever shit out of gasoline. I would want it to be twenty dollars or more at the gas pumps. That will pay for the roads and other vehicle infrastructure, so we don’t ever have a bridge fall from shitty work.

I would ask for special votes from states if they ever decide on special laws to pass that have to do with women’s health, to have only women vote on those laws. I don’t know what the fuck I’m talking about when it comes to women’s bodies and the weird shit that happens in them (have you ever smelled a pregnant woman’s fart?), so I sure as shit shouldn’t be voting or letting my legislation pass laws about them.

If a country were threatening our country with weapons or militarization, I would walk to the palace or whatever the leader of that country hung out in and challenge that leader to a duel. Yes, I would slap gloves across their face; challenge to musket ball pistols, or swords. I would win. The winners get the country. If they don’t die, they would join my cabinet – without pay, just humble gratitude for their life.

The military would come home and be absorbed into the state’s National Guard.

I would give Texas and California back to Mexico. (One state to make the liberal cry babies happy, and the other the grumpy old white people happy)

I would give land back to First Nations Americans. If they show up at your door with boxes, it’s their house now. I would call it resettlements.

I would change presidential elections to be: no community hall, no debates or town hall meetings, no YouTube channels or Facebook pages. Your name, a 1000-word introduction, and a 1000-word description of why you would be a good president in the voting pamphlet that each state provides is all you would have to advertise yourself. If you are the incumbent, your voting record will be printed. It would allow non-rich citizens to run, take the money situation out of the spotlight, and keep it from ruining TV and social media for two years.

Prayer

You guys all repeat ” Please “:

Mighty Lord,

Please, David Everett Fisher, be president.

Amen

Craft

Make signs about me running for president and put them on your lawn. Do it even if your state has already voted. If someone asks you why you are putting up a sign after the voting is all over, say to make everyone feel regret. If the state hasn’t voted yet, the sign will make sense, and people will automatically vote for me.

I qualify the constitutional requirements for running for prez:

I’m 35 +

I’m a US Citizen

I have never lived in a foreign land or been on a private island, so I can’t be corrupted.

And I have hair (some)

Goal

To be the president of the United States of America. I know this is supposed to be a meditation to help you feel better about yourself, but sometimes it needs to be about me. Why can’t it be about me sometimes!?! Just quit your whining and sniveling and look around you for once? See? People. There are other people around you, and they are just as important as you. Their problems are just as important as yours, and they need a real spiritual person to become president.

DAVID EVERETT FISHER for PRESIDENT!

Together I can!