On January 11th, 2016, I started a daily practice of writing a joke meditation of the day called Cracked Pot Meditations. I was still recovering from the treatment of cancer, and I was having very challenging cognitive issues, so I chose just to put something simple and easy to write every day. Posting it to the blog allowed me to have some accountability. Some of those meditations were poorly written and unedited. I have gone back and begun editing these and adding an illustration, starting with the April 27th meditation. I hope you enjoy.
This meditation was written in 2025. I kept the original meditation below, but I felt it was too gender specific, and I think I didn’t pull the joke off as well as I wanted, so I wrote a new piece. I was originally going to keep the original meditation about men versus boys, so I did an illustration of me talking to a baby. Maybe I’ll use it on a future meditation if it makes sense.
Meditation for May 29th
That Terrible Ex Was Predetermined For You By The Universe
We all have had those seventeen to twenty-three terrible exes that we look back on and think, “What was I thinking?” We might have thought that something back then could have changed the course. We may even wish to build a time machine to go back in time and warn us away from the toxic future ex.
We might even be working on ourselves to hopefully stop getting into relationships with people who aren’t good for us. We try therapy, workshops, yoga, train at the gym, and get into hobbies that we couldn’t with that ex. We want to avoid repeating our mistakes.
The problem with that is that there is no free will, and the universe is already predetermined. This is where spirituality and physics agree, but instead of a god writing stuff down as destiny, the universe has already happened and can’t be changed, no matter how much we want to think we can change our path.
If we get sober and stop watching porn, this isn’t breaking any chains of addiction, this is just us fulfilling what was supposed to happen, and those that don’t stop their addiction and succumb to their disease, they were supposed to die then and nothing could have saved them, for their lifeline is set in unbreakable stone.
So this begs the question, why try? The answer is, you don’t. If you’re supposed to move to Indiana or date the person with a borderline personality, it was predetermined an infinite time ago. Are you worried about what you are supposed to grow up and do? Are you trying to find yourself? Are you trying not to die? You can stop worrying because it’s been decided for you.
You are probably asking, Dave, why do I feel like I have free will? Great question, Becky. This feeling of making choices is a delusion played on you by your brain, but in all actuality, you aren’t deciding at all. Your timeline is just following tracks that were built for you by the universe. In one myth, God told his two humans not to eat the fruit of the tree, and when they did, they were given the delusion of choice.
So, give up pretending you have anything to say about any outcome because all outcomes have been predetermined.
Prayer
God?
Is it you?
Or is it the law of physics?
Whomever is to blame
Can you stop determining sucky shit happening in my life?
Why did you determine Todd to have the hot partner, sweet house, and eternal good looks?
And I alone, ugly, full of anxiety, and living in the only place in Rhode Island that people are scared of?
Can you determine some better outcomes for me?
I’d be eternally grateful.
Dave
Craft
You will have to do things waaaaaaaay out of pocket to feel free of determinism, possibly. You must ignore all rules, laws, traditions, morals, values, and just plain human decency to overcome the predetermined outcome.
I’ll let you decide what that means.
Goal
Stop worrying, you don’t have any power to change anything.
Meditation for May 30th
15 Ways You Know You Are Dating Man Instead of A Little Boy
1. Says something about priorities
A man has things to attend to. Little boys wait for their mommy to do it for them. Do you want to be a mommy?
2. He’s got some goals
A man’s goal is to publish a comic book, but a boy just wants to read comic books. People with no jobs read comic books.
3. A man has responsibilities
A man will show up to court on time and attend his community service as expected by the court. A boy will only cause mischief and never break any real laws. You want to date Al Capone (minus the syphilis) or Dennis the Menace, ladies?
4. How does he refer to you?
Does he call you his main squeeze or his old battle axe? Does he mention you as his old lady or his rusty ball and chain? That’s a man! A boy calls you sweetie and honey. Barf!
5. Can he communicate?
A boy will puke out about his day, while a man just grits his teeth and tenses his jaw. Don’t you want to talk more than pat him in the head and say, good boy?
6. Does he have a strong work ethic?
Does he go to work? Then he’s a man. Does he go to a job? Then he’s a little boy working for the summer.
7. Is he honest?
A man will never be caught lying. A boy gives away his tell and gets caught. What you don’t know won’t hurt you. So don’t ask if you don’t want a certain answer.
8. Does he know who he is?
A man doesn’t give a fuck! Cars, sports and boobs! A boy is into specific musical genres, a very specific fashion style and will be okay without boobs.
9. Does he want to stimulate his mind?
A man will stimulate his mind on his own time, thank you very much. A boy will make it absolutely clear that he is stimulating his mind and that he’s a vegan, gluten-free, atheist, into only second-wave ska, blah, blah, blah…
10. Is he serious about his future?
Is he only wanting you right now and he’ll ‘see about a future?’ Then he is just a boy. A man wants to be locked down in marriage and start a family because marriage still makes sense after all these centuries.
11. Does he pick up the phone?
Men use the phone, boys use text, email, Facebook posts, Facebook Messenger, Twitter, Tumblr, Instagram (both DM and commenting @you), AIM, Yahoo whatchamacallits, Reddit, Ask Jeeves, Yahoo Answers, etc.
There are no exceptions.
12. What is his purpose?
A boy is trying to find his purpose, and a man knows there is no purpose but futile struggling before becoming nothing.
13. Does he have baggage?
Oh, yes, a man will have baggage. A boy is about to make you baggage.
14. How does he handle a first date?
A man pays for dinner and takes you back to his place where he shows you his record collection, fishing trophies and his 8 1/2 inch penis while lying across a bear skin rug that he killed and skinned before a blazing fire to some Chuck Mangione as you orgasm before he even touches you. A boy will go Dutch, go to your place, dry-hump, and then you wake up with his toothbrush in your bathroom, and he will spend the next 218 nights there.
15. Does he consider others?
A man will save a puppy from a burning house, but not care about drama. A boy will be up in everyone’s business.
I saw some posts like this on other sites, and I thought they would drive a lot more traffic to my website. Good luck and good hunting.