On January 11th, 2016, I started a daily practice of writing a joke meditation of the day called Cracked Pot Meditations. I was still recovering from the treatment of cancer, and I was having very challenging cognitive issues, so I chose just to put something simple and easy to write every day. Posting it to the blog allowed me to have some accountability. Some of those meditations were poorly written and unedited. I have gone back and begun editing these and adding an illustration, starting with the April 27th meditation. I hope you enjoy.
Meditation for June 9th
8 Reasons Why Relationships Are Hard
Pursuing someone you have a crush on is fun, getting to know your new partner is exciting, and creating a comfortable relationship is rewarding. When we are single we sometimes spend time wishing we were in a relationship. We want to be with someone with whom we can share our death.
Relationships are challenging, too. It’s not all sex, dining out, and antiquing. We sometimes are caught off guard when the honeymoon period winds down at the four to six month mark and we have to figure some real shit out. No more smooth sailing, suddenly you have to talk about serious stuff.
You either get through it, or if you’re an American, you break up angrily.
1. You will never be the person your partner met
You are constantly changing. Just getting into a relationship changes a person. Getting older, job changes, moving, deaths, having children, and getting sick are some of the things that can slightly alter one’s self.
Nothing is ever the same. Some people like the idea of relationships because they want a certain amount of consistency in their lives. They picture this schedule as never changing, but no one can repeat a week’s schedule. Everything keeps moving. Our idea of the other person needs to continue to evolve.
2. Your “Love” identity is not your “single” identity
Your laid-back, chill personality disappears once you team up with another person. You begin to take on some of your partner’s quirks, which isn’t cute. No one likes mirror couples. Trying to hold on to your identity in a relationship is hard. Learning to be yourself and be a partner can be challenging, especially if the couple doesn’t have a clear picture of the future.
It’s just easier to take in your partner’s personality. Wear their clothes and get a matching haircut.
3. Death before dishonor – except in a relationship
You now have to compromise constantly. It will behoove you to sacrifice yourself for the better of the pair. You don’t get to be true to thyself anymore if you want the relationship to work.
No more awesome action superhero movies, no more greasy cheeseburgers anytime you want, no more having all your time to yourself. No more not going to the dentist, doctors, and therapist. Every day will have to be run by someone in case that person has different expectations than you, and so on and so forth.
If you want the best shot at a good relationship, never be right, never say they’re wrong, and always be willing to compromise.
4. The future is never just about you anymore
Every decision you make will have to consider your partner. You can’t just go on some super long trip if you want, you can’t just quit your job and write a book in a shack in the woods, you can’t buy a weeks worth at a seedy motel and shoot speedballs with two hookers and a guy named Pedro DeLite if you felt so inclined because your partner might feel strongly about that decision.
“The Future” will always include your partner, even if the Vegas odds heavily suggest that your relationship will not work out.
The odds are against you, even with all this killer advice.
5. There’s no other reason to wake up
You no longer have a stronger priority than this person you decided to commit to. Your job, which is truly how you live, is not important than the person you share a bed with. You are now a “we.” You guys are a team, one component, and you go by one name instead of separate names.
You will have to put everything you are passionate about in storage, because now it’s putting puzzles together while watching Spectrum Love Island Real Housewives.
6. You’ll be bummed all the time
Something about love and feelings goes hand in hand. When you love someone, you are opening yourself up to being hurt. It isn’t the heartbreak that makes heartbreak so bad; it’s how big your heart had grown with your partner before your partner pulls your heart out, catches it on fire, takes a large bite out, and then throws it to the ground and stomps the flaming organ to a fine blackened heart paste. As world-famous rock and rollers say, “Love Hurts.”
You are more sensitive when you share your life with someone. You worry about losing this person. You take silly things personally and when you were single, you were a juggernaut of not giving a fuck.
Then all of your future relationships will suffer because you will have built wall after wall to stop from being hurt like that again.
8. You have to work for it
You can’t just wait till the turbulence ends; you have to talk, process, and act. It isn’t about kinky sex and beach trips anymore; it’s about learning how to grow together rather than grow apart.
The number one reason couples don’t work out is that one person gives up.
Most relationships don’t work out, but that doesn’t mean it was a failure. We have to learn, grieve the pain, and move on. There will never be “the One”, but we can put our best effort in, and we might have a nice, healthy relationship, as dull as that might be.
That’s okay, don’t judge others who also struggle with relationships; everyone will be OK.
Dude.