Meditation for May 17th
A Peace of War
Did you know that you are overreacting to war because there are rules? That’s right, you can’t fight a war on Earth without following some basic rules to ensure it is fought equally and humanely. You can’t just go charging at each other all willy-nilly and all.
The Geneva Convention governs the rules that the United Nations enforces. The UN runs around the battlefield in blue helmets and vertically striped black and white shirts, calling fouls every time one of the sides breaks one of the Convention’s rules.
One of the first rules is not shooting at the wounded and their caretakers. This means you can only shoot a person once per war if *Mr. ISIS hits you, *Mr. ISIS is not allowed to shoot you again. He must aim at another person. This also means that *Mr. ISIS is not allowed to shoot the medic who is bravely carrying off the battlefield. The first rule is out of dignity, and the second is just good manners. This is why we don’t allow the bombing of hospitals – it’s against the rules.
*In normal circumstances, it would be sexist to assume that a member of ISIS would be a male, but women aren’t allowed to fight for ISIS due to the period blood attracting bears as stated in the Quran.
Then they decided that the previous rules oughta cover shipwreck soldiers. Shooting sailors on a boat: fine. Shooting sailors while they swim is just poor taste, man, against the rules.
Sometimes a soldier is tired of being shot at, bombed, food and supplies cut off, officers living the life of luxury in the rear while they sleep in a muddy, blood-filled foxhole, so they surrender. Treat them well. It is the thought of the Geneva Convention that a Prisoner of War be treated humanely when in your care and not to be tortured. Torture is just a terrible form. Just ask nicely; maybe they will tell you about the Enigma code, and if they don’t, use the completely legal enhanced interrogation techniques.
The Convention also does not allow for killing or bombing civilians. I have a personal issue with this rule because it makes it harder to understand who the bad guys are. A whole country is much easier to bomb and kill than just some of them. It also makes it hard to pass off bombs to our allies when they just use them on kids and hospitals. There have been fewer country versus country wars and conflicts since World War II, and more of a vast imperial military struggling with a small rebellion, so the rules become a little blurred when the large imperial army uses army versus army tactics against guerrilla tactics.
Some other rules are the restriction of chemical warfare, but this is under the Hague Convention, which made World War II less fun. However, you still have your grandpapa; therefore, you exist, and that’s boring. Even if we can’t use chemical weapons, we do find a lot of countries stockpiling them, and what’s the worst thing that could happen if we keep chemical weapons lying around?
So the next time you hear some hippy talking about how terrible war is and doot-dee-doo, let them know that not only has barely anyone died due to war since World War II, but there are rules just like boxing, so enjoy the conflict, and if someone breaks the rules, we are sure there will be consequences for the rulebreaker.
Prayer
Mars,
People say war is chaos,
But it is the very nature of law.
We are our predator.
War thins the population,
So we can have access to more resources.
The machines of war drive our economy.
It wasn’t Social Security and FDR’s Public Works Administration,
But it was World War II.
Watch the soldiers march in a single file line.
See the tanks roll in unison.
See the bombs make a line of scorched earth.
Order.
Chaos is among the civilians who have just read about war.
They’ll die of disease and car accidents.
Not from honor and real purpose.
Let me die of a bullet in the dome,
And not from old age.
Amen.
Craft
If you can’t die from fighting for your country, you should perform Seppuku.
Seppuku is when you lie in a bathtub full of lard, giving yourself a massage eating sushi with a fork. WITH A FORK!
Goal
Accept war. It will never go away. As long as there’s sex, there will be a battle.
Kill or be killed.