Meditation for December 2nd
Beauty Secrets
Beauty trends come and go, fashion changes with the seasons, but how we keep our facial expressions will be the eternal fountain of youth. Here are some ways we can make sure we aren’t looking like a troll in the public eye. You don’t have to be famous to be caught looking like a moldy jack-o’-lantern.
The Menu:
Nothing makes a person ugly when they read a menu that is high up on the wall. You squint your eyes and leave your mouth agape for an extended period of time. This is enough time for a future love to see your stupid face and not fall in love with you and leave you to spend the rest of your life alone and pitiful.
When you walk into a coffee shop where the menu is up high, know what you want without looking. It’s 2016, for God’s sake. The only thing uglier is looking up from your phone when you realize it’s your turn to order, squinting your eyes and opening your mouth a bit.
The Glass:
When you come up to a pane of glass you want to look into, you might not realize there are people inside, seeing you squish up your face trying to see in. You don’t need to look in; you can either mind your own business or, if it’s business, go in.
Plus, you are just smearing your skin grease on the window for someone else to clean up, and that is not beautiful at all.
The Reflection:
Much like the Glass issue, this is when you are seen from within glass, but instead of being a nosy bitch, you are just a narcissistic bitch who is admiring yourself in the reflection. Narcissism is ugly, will always be unattractive, and it takes confidence to walk down the street not worrying about hair, zipper being up, or if there is anything in your teeth. Beauty is wearing things wrong, purposelessly.
Need glasses, squint:
Sometimes you are trying to see something far away, and you don’t have the young person’s eyes, so you have to squint your eyes and lean forward and stand very still to see if you can understand the shadows and shapes that don’t make sense up near the horizon. You look silly.
Then there is the face you make when someone holds up a phone or something with words on it too close to your face, so you push your head back, creating a double to quadruple chin, a scowl, and your eye cross. If you are on a date and your date wants you to see something on their menu, you will make them not call you for a second date.
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They say beauty is only skin deep, but what they don’t remember is that it is all we can see. So if you have the most fantastic personality in the world, unless you look attractive, it won’t matter. You need all the help you can get, so when you are out in public, don’t look at anything too closely and keep your face neutral at all times. Don’t react with your face, respond with your gut. Feel it, don’t look like it. Keep your eyes soft, your mouth straight, and your chin up, and you won’t have to worry about how sucky your personality is.