On January 11th, 2016, I started a daily practice of writing a joke meditation of the day called Cracked Pot Meditations. I was still recovering from the treatment of cancer, and I was having very challenging cognitive issues, so I chose just to put something simple and easy to write every day. Posting it to the blog allowed me to have some accountability. Some of those meditations were poorly written and unedited. I have gone back and begun editing these and adding an illustration, starting with the April 27th meditation. I hope you enjoy.
Meditation for August 14th
Cupping
Cupping involves placing cups on the skin, creating suction that brings inflammation to the cupped area. It works because it has been around for over 5000 years, and yes, the Chinese used it. My medical rule is that if something hasn’t been around for at least two millennia and/or isn’t used by the Chinese, it’s unlikely to work.
This has gained popularity due to swimmers swearing by it during the Rio Olympics, and we got to see red to purple spots all over the swimmers. Even stoner Michael Phelps got in the action – weed was also used for multiple millennia and by the Chinese.
Why cup? Here are a few reasons to give this ancient medical practice a whirl.
Pain relief
Cupping works five times better than opiate pain killers and doesn’t have the addiction problem, nor does it have the intense withdrawal symptoms. You are probably wondering why we don’t find addicts covered in cups lying around on gas station bathroom floors, and it’s because you can’t put the cups on yourself.
One “doctor” claimed he could mend a broken bone with less pain by cupping the affected area. The person who had the fractured bone was Usain Bolt, a Jamaican track superstar. The pharmaceutical industry is squashing this.
Some fucking relaxation
Cupping is much more effective in relaxation than any massage alone can be. This is why the ancient Chinese used the cupping method for thousands of years. You are mimicking the feeling of your body being pulled in different directions towards blackholes all over the universe.
The skin is pulled and inflamed, bringing a sense of peace and relaxation as the blood vessels burst and turn your skin bright red. GQ may have said that cupping bruises are sexy right now.
Healing factor X
Just like comic book heroes, Wolverine and Deadpool, cupping can heal wounds faster than any Western medicine can. While the pharmaceutical companies try to jab you with really overpriced drugs to heal what ails you, cupping is nearly free and can cure what ails you much faster.
Our military men and women have cut down on wounds in the battlefield by using cupping instead of first aid when a soldier is shot.
Heroes use it.
Skin boo-boos
Cupping helps eliminate blemishes, including cellulite, acne, eczema, and other skin discolorations, in just a few days. It is done by boosting the blood circulation in your skin. You don’t have to shoot botox or get expensive plastic surgery to remain forever youthful, a regular cupping can keep you looking 23 years old for eternity – or until you die if you are unfortunately mortal. Achieve the beautiful, soft, perfect skin you’ve always wanted.
Tummy stuff
If you’re all stuffed up and can’t seem to get any “relief”, cupping can make things move again like no other. Careful though, you can be getting rid of a lot of toxins and it has to go somewhere, and you might not be fast enough after a successful cupping to get to a bathroom.
See, there are so many great ways to use cupping. There aren’t any studies out there that prove anything that I just wrote, but my personal experience says that everything I wrote is true.