Meditation for March 4th
Giving Back
In all the self-help, spiritual path dogmas, giving back is a common thread. We receive help, we learn to stand on our own two feet, and then we turn around and help others. Some say we have to give it away to keep it. Others say we get tenfold back from what we give away. We join soup kitchens, volunteer at schools, and donate to many great charities that are really helping others. We feel better about ourselves.
The truth is, you may not get anything out of helping others. You can put all your time into trying to help someone get better, only to have them take advantage of you. This actually makes the person unwilling to help themselves and doesn’t ever stand up on their own two feet. They sit there like an NBA player after executing an unsuccessful flop, staring at the referee and waiting for his teammates to help him up. We end up looking like fools, and the person is no better.
People really try to help others because, like heroin, they’ve helped someone successfully once and got a real warm feeling inside. Now they continuously help others, trying to capture that first high, but now only feel disappointment and jealousy of those who get to do whatever they want on their own time. They even try to slow down their volunteer work and take a watercoloring class at the local community college. This person has always dreamed of learning but never had the time to, and one of the classmates suddenly has a crisis. Our landscape painting hero’s hair rises on the back of the neck, pupils dilate, the stomach begins to vibrate, and before you know it, this selfless do-gooder is now over by the classmate, smelling the sweet smell of crisis and offering help. Watercolor supplies now sit in the closet collecting dust and wasted dreams. There will never be a world without helpless people needing help.
Often, people who try to help others spend their time lecturing and giving advice instead of doing anything helpful or just being a sympathetic ear. They want to fix things. You know the stereotypical mother losing her mind trying to create the perfect wedding for her daughter? And the daughter wants this blasé, simple thing, while the mother wants this Shakespearean fantasy ballet, and it just doesn’t seem to be working? Yeah? That’s the fixer person who spends their time trying to fix every problem they encounter, but usually leaves it just as broken or makes things worse because they spend all this time trying to fix other people and have no experience living their own life.
Then there is doing all this helpful tomfoolery only not to be thanked. What a travesty! Being a compassionate human and not being honored for it. You are just doing what people do. Why do you need special recognition? They are still working for their Boy or Girl Scout badges. They do the service in the view of others for the acknowledgement. Just go to a grocery store and listen to white soccer moms discuss what they do in their spare time. They almost compare scars, but instead of scars, it’s volunteering and helping that mother who sucks at life.
The truth is, we get nothing out of helping others because it is just part of being a human. It isn’t this secret feel-good magic from ancient texts; it is just stopping, reaching down, and helping someone up. Not for a thank you, not for a high or a magical mood changer, but just because a dog would do the same thing if it could.
Prayer
Lord, make me an instrument of the thigh piece,
where there is gossip, let me explain the psychology of the gossip.
Where there is injury, let me bring my best codependent self.
When there is a mistake, I shine a bright light on it and, at the same time, comfort the mistake-maker; make sure it is known that I am a mistake corrector.
Where there is doubt, let me bring hard-hitting opinions and let the person know that they would be an idiot not to be sure about something.
Where there is despair, let me bring myself to a pedestal that only hard work will get someone out of that dark place. Stop whining and stand the %#@* up.
Where there is darkness, let my lifestyle and my personality be the light.
Where there is sadness, let me bring the jokes and how sunshine-y my life is and how easy it is.
O Divine Master,
That I may not be so much of an annoyance, need other people’s help for myself when I actually go through stuff, always be the consoling person no matter what someone is going through, always have an answer even if I don’t know it, and disguise it under the false flag of love.
For it is from getting that we get stuff,
It is by forgiving myself that I can still owe you amends,
And it is by you dying that I get to have an excuse to be moody, impotent, and the center of attention for the rest of my mortal life.
Amen.
Craft
Here is a quick way of helping your friends and family through life’s obstacles. Write the person’s name, the problem they’re having, what you would do if you had that problem, and how you are going to make that person do that.
Example:
Bill W.
Mr. Brown is flirting with his wife.
I would talk to Mr. Brown about respecting my boundaries and me when it comes to my wife.
I wouldn’t tell Bill W. what to do; I would talk to Mr. Brown myself.
Karen C.
Has cancer
I would research all possible treatments, cures, and preventive methods I can find online.
Send literature of things that are too good to be true to Karen so she knows she doesn’t have to go through chemo, and all she has to do is rub cannabis butter on her breasts, and voila!
Kyle Q.
Can’t seem to stay in a relationship for long and keeps getting into a lot of relationships.
I would talk with my friends about why this may be. I would point out all of Kyle’s flaws, dissect all the relationships by finding the common thread, identify the type of woman he seems to be dating, and discuss these topics for many nights in a row.
The next time Kyle is single, suggest he stay single for a while, and if he gets into a relationship, ask him if the woman he starts dating is as good as he can get.
Jason B.
He came to with amnesia but quickly realized he had been a highly trained, scientifically endowed super spy for a secret government black-ops program named Treadstone. He had done some wet work that the higher-ups at Treadstone didn’t want Jason to remember, so they sent other super spies to kill him.
I would accidentally be kidnapped by him, believe his crazy story, and then fall in love with him.
I would die so he could find the anger and feel like he needed to avenge my death and take down a dangerous government program that invades our privacy and has no oversight.
Goal
Help others at your own risk.