Meditation for February 29th
God’s Will
We meditate to know what our higher power’s will for us is. We want our will to align with the Employer of the Cosmos so we can live a healthier, more serene life. This is what being spiritual is. God created us and gave us a will to use, and as long as it matches His, you will be so peaceful. The All Knowing has set out our lives before us, and we do our best to fulfill our destiny. This is our Gift. It’s a gift God pretended to give us.
No matter what you do or say, your God has predestined that. No decision you make will deviate from what has already been set in Divine Stone. Making that mistake by going home with the slightly off dude that was visiting his sick mom from Boulder was actually no mistake, it was Destiny! Even though there are a thousand warnings and horrible stories about not putting your hand in the garbage disposal, you went ahead and did it. You did it anyway to give that last asparagus stalk the push it needed, and you ended up losing a quarter of three of your fingers, but that also was preordained to happen by the Spirit in the Sky.
You no longer have to be depressed if you’re on the right path or not, because there is only one path, the one that He has decided for you. When you needed to get out of that pickle you were in when you were in Tijuana, and you prayed to get yourself out of that donkey, God had already decided how that was going to turn out. Hell, He put you in that tent with that donkey. You’re okay because no matter what you do, it was already going to happen. Are you told to pray to God to quit drinking? God already decided if you get sober or die a horrible alcoholic death, so that other alcoholics learn a valuable lesson. Still, the lesson doesn’t need to be learned because God has decided which alcoholic will die the alcoholic death and which alcoholic will not drink, no matter what kind of program they work. The story is already written.
Next time you are at a pastry case and trying to decide between the almond croissant and the cardamom custard bun, remember that the Creator of the Universe has already made the decision you are about to make. All you are doing is trying your hardest to ignore your destiny, but that is what we confuse with free will: our inability to disobey our fate.
This is why a lot of religions look down on suicide. This is the only one of your preconceived biographies – killing yourself. Or is it?
Prayer
God Q. Smith,
I know you already know,
and you already know what I’m going to pray,
because you wrote that I would say these lines already,
and I’m just going through the motions of what you set for me at my creation,
But could I maybe be cooler?
You made me just slightly not cool enough.
My hair looks dumb long and even more disgusting in a bun,
I have a short stature with a bulging tummy,
I don’t seem to have popular taste in music,
and I have absolutely no ambition when it comes to all the talent you filled me with.
Could you reboot me and program me a little hipper?
You do have the power to wipe people’s memories of the old me,
and give them new memories of the now me,
the me that is cooler, better looking, and culturally relevant.
I’m praying this instead of watching the Oscars,
so I’m pretty sure my prayer did not work.
Godathon S. Grant,
I need to make a decision.
I need to decide if I want to go to school for something that I make money doing,
but possibly might hate,
or if I should go to school for something I love,
but will not make any money on it unless I’m extremely lucky,
or blessed – wink, wink, nudge, nudge, know what I mean? knowwhatimean?
I feel like if I make the wrong decision,
the rest of my life is doomed.
DOOMED!
If I do what I love,
then I will feel more joy in my life,
but maybe the joy will be blocked by stress about bills, being hungry, and not being a viable spouse.
I could do the money thing,
but I’ll feel like a fraud and will dread going to work each day.
I’m sitting here in the admissions office at my school with the course catalogopend.
I see the marketing classes, the reality classes, and the engineering classes,
but I also see the painting classes, pottery classes,s and the making comic book course.
What do I do, God?
I don’t want to make any mistakes ever,
and I don’t want to be redoing my life when I’m older,
So what do I do?
Oh, I have cancer?
I guess that takes priority.
Amen
Craft
Cerealmancy
Lucky Charms:
Pour a bowl of Lucky Charms and take out the marshmallow. Put a handful of marshmallows into a small bowl or cup and shake. Without looking, take out three marshmallows and put them in a row.
Decipher the order and or repeats of Moon, Shamrock, Shooting Star, Pot O’ Gold, Balloon, Heart, Rainbow, and Horseshoe.
Moon – dreams, goals, loneliness, getting through a bad time, new beginnings
Shamrock – Luck, fate, specific, rare, special, omen
Shooting star – divine intervention, power, strength from others, vast, huge, space
Pot O’ Gold – financial, ambition, searching, end of something, clever
Balloon – travel, visualize, float, relax
Heart – love, passion, feeling, emotions, other-centered
Rainbow – journey, in the middle of, sexuality and gender, illusion, neither here nor there
Horseshoe – work, exercise, ward, protect, between worlds, guardian
Fruit Loops:
Using a similar method as Lucky Charms, pulling out five “loops’ and deciphering the order of colors you get between Purple, Green, Yellow, Orange, Blue, and Red.
Purple – you are going to get beaten up by a large person named Sally Lall,y and it will be over Magi: The Gathering.
Green – this is someone stealing everything in your car while you are playing a trivia game at a bar and trying to impress a girl.
Yellow – this has nothing to do with Asians. Don’t be racist.
Orange – you will finally realize that you are not a poet or a hip-hop artist, and that you need to refill the salt and pepper shakers.
Blue – you are sad and will never be happy because you never want to be happy because you don’t believe anyone will like you if you are happy, and that makes you sad.
Red – you will have spent the last three years dating someone that you loved having sex with, but in all other fields, not at all compatible at all, and that makes you so alone. Now watch that person sleeps while you consider sneaking off in the night…oh, wait, you’re at your house!
Count Chocula:
Pour a heaping bowl of chocolate goodness, and pour whole milk until the cereal is floating and also falling over the side. Eat the cereal, but don’t drink all the milk. After all the cereal is gone, look at the leftover milk. Watch the designs swirling around in hues of brown, purple, and cream. You will see runes, symbols,s and even scry the very future. Careful, Count Choculamancy is the most magically charged of the ceralmancy arts, so be careful, young apprentice, be vigilant of treading the fine line of white and black magiks.
Goal
Don’t worry about anything anymore, God already decided for you.