Cracked Pot Meditations – Having Versus Gratitude

Meditation for November 24th

Having Versus Gratitude

On Thanksgiving, people all over the United States of America tear into a large game bird to celebrate the wonderful feeling of gratitude. No one really knows how this very American holiday started. Still, the myth is that it was the last time the white Christian settlers showed the Native Americans any gratitude for helping them to survive the winter of the American northeast, but judging how white Christians act today, this must be a myth.

Gratitude is one of those words that gets confused with listing things you have. I have good health, a great family, a kick ass girlfriend, a TV, a pretty great job, a nice place to live, no known babies… These are all things I have (or don’t have, like the babies). These are all things I have and like having. We get things. Sometimes it takes work to get them, while at other times it is just the station of privilege to get them.

Gratitude is the act of maintaining what I have. I have to take specific actions to make sure I continue not to have any known babies. I have to show up to work consistently to feel grateful for my job. The opposite of having gratitude for what we have is taking it for granted; we assume it will be there tomorrow. We believe we will be alive tomorrow and that everyone in our lives will be there, so why worry about anything?

Sometimes, gratitude is knowing you have access to things others can’t even dream of having. Pointing out that to your older family members who never had to look at how their world got so good is a great way to take the wind out of the Thanksgiving sails. The problems of today stem from our previous generations taking the world for granted and making decisions based on instant gratification, leaving the younger generation in a shitty place.

Yes, you get to choose what you buy and do, and you don’t have to consider how that affects the world around you, but gratitude is also humbly recognizing that you can live without a thing when it has devastated a people or the earth itself.

Whole mountains are hollowed out, and indigenous people are displaced or even forcefully moved to make sure you have batteries for your phones, laptops, and hybrid cars. You could be okay with that and not okay with the Dakota pipeline, but that means you have a phone, and selling oil isn’t affecting you at all. You take the world for granted.

Gratitude lies in caring for what you have. Some things need to be cared for to keep them longer, while other things need to be cared for before they go away. When a person in your life dies, do you feel satisfied with the short time you had, or are you saddened by how little effort you put into the relationship? Or are you just a big drama whore who makes everything about oneself?

Horrible people get jobs, have babies, graduate college, get married, buy houses, and with enough money get anything they want. That is why listing things you are grateful for is just a way of listing what you have. It’s how you treat those things that make it gratitude.

The feeling of gratitude comes from knowing that, at one time, you couldn’t have it, and/or that someday you won’t have it anymore. Then there are things you have and take for granted as things you always will have. It’s the temporary aspect of everything that we are grateful for. We forget our short lives, and we assume everything will be the same tomorrow.

Some say another word for taking things for granted is privilege. You believe that you deserve whatever it is. You might not think about how some people live without it or have an inferior version of it. You treat it like it is disposable and that there will always be more. A person of privilege will even scoff at losing something because they can get another one.

I once talked to a guy from Austria when I was in Spain. He said that Europeans go to the store and buy a very nice suit. This suit will last many years, so you will have to learn how to repair it. Anytime you have to wear a suit, this is the suit you will wear. No one makes fun of a person who has the same suit from the last fancy get-together. Quality is more important than quantity in that culture, so for us who live in America’s more disposable culture, it’s hard to grasp.

When he was in the United States, he noticed that people bought many suits. The suit had to be new, and once worn, it was never worn again or became part of a rotation of several suits one could wear when they needed to wear a suit. There is no gratitude for suits in American culture. We wear it and throw it away. A lot of us don’t know how to mend our clothing so they last longer.

The Austrian had a charming, smart-looking suit he’d had for several years, and I have three suits I don’t want to wear because I want a new one that looks better on me than the fantastic suits I already own. Plus, I don’t want people making fun of me for wearing a suit twice.

Don’t just say you’re thankful you have stuff; treat it with gratitude.

Prayer

Lord,

Thanks for giving me stuff,

The hot girlfried,

The super sweet apartment,

The job (reluctantly grateful)

My sick ass beard

My fucking jokes

My artistic endeavors

I guess my friends

My family is pretty nice too

My ex-wife is pretty sweet for an ex-wife

Fuck it, all my exes

I’m grateful for Portland, Oregon

I’m thankful I don’t have to live there anymore

I am grateful for Providence, RI

I am grateful that I get to move far away from where I’m from and still find comfort.

I am grateful for a bunch of other things,

But I kinda need more stuff,

So if you can…

Amen

Craft

Gratitude lists are very popular among people in recovery and in the orbit of the therapy world, but listing things shows what you have. Instead of listing what you are grateful for, list what you need to do to keep and take care of those things.

Goal

There is a difference between what you get and what you are grateful for.