Meditation for December 21st
How To Get Someone To Say Yes
We spend all our days trying to convince people we matter, what we believe in matters, and that you need them to say yes to something you want. A lot of times, they say no. How many times have you gone into a coffee shop and asked for a half caf, 190-degree, half almond, half coconut milk, slightly less sweetened, mocha shot, no whip, but a tad bit of room, and the barista crosses her arms and says no?
How can you get more yesses and fewer nos? The trick is not magical like the Force Jedi Knights use in Stargate; it is a science called Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), and you’ll never hear a ‘no’ again.
Always make it personal.
Don’t just plead that your entire life depends on this one favor, but write it in cursive with your own blood or with the entrails of the person you’re asking’s cat. No one feels obligated to a cold sell with no personal warmth. People say yes to stories that initiate an emotional response, not just a list of facts, so you need to sell yourself to a person to make them think you’re worthy of a yes.
Be up front
Blurt it out. Don’t just shiver in your diapers waiting for the perfect moment to ask. If it’s 5 in the morning and you’ll have to break into a high maximum security prison on the eastern shores of Russia to ask for a favor, then by all means break into a high maximum security prison on the eastern shores of Russia and ask. Please don’t wait till the poor guy breaks out himself and has to find his way through the deserts of Mongolia and the high snowy peaks of the Himalayas before seeing him in India to ask your favor.
There’s never a perfect time to ask for what you want, so don’t worry about timing; ask for it, even if you are interrupting the person.
Guilt sells
Nothing sells like guilty feelings when they say no. No one wants to be a bad person, saying no if they could say yes, so they threaten to murder their kids in front of them so that the guilt means something. If they insist on the answer ‘no,’ you’ll have to follow through, because an empty threat means they win. Make sure the person is caught in a corner, saying yes, or causing significant harm to you.
Use the right way to ask.
Sometimes it is just how we ask. We come off as pushy, too needy, too wishy-washy, or just too meek. Instead of, “do this for me!” Try, “Would you be willing to join forces with me in this?” See? You just made them believe you and them are equals. Sucker!!!
Please give them a carrot.
People really don’t do anything without any reward. If there isn’t anything to gain, then what’s the point? Money, power, ego, security, ambition, and sex are all carrots to attach to the stick to drive your new friend to do whatever you want. People don’t do anything out of the kindness of their hearts anymore.
Don’t forget, fear is an equally good carrot. Threaten their family if you don’t get your way.
Let them know they can always say “no.”
…but dear god, don’t let them feel like they can. A no should not feel like the worst thing a person can say. Remind them of their parental disappointment if you have to, but the feeling of saying no ought to be raw and sad. But, by all means, you have the right to say no.
Touch
The human touch is the most potent way two humans can connect. Tightening your grip on their arm while whispering into their ear with a vast, menacing grin is a great way to sell a point. Hug until the answer is yes. Run the small of the back till the answer is yes. Give a foot massage in a public place until the answer is yes.
Prayer
Ishtar
Please make this person say yes,
I can’t take a no.
I get scared to ask for what I want,
Because what would I do if they said no?
Hearing no is the worst thing that could happen to me.
I need them to say yes.
If they say no,
My heart will jump into my throat,
My stomach will drop,
My knees will become rubbery,
And I will be in panic.
Please let this person say yes,
Or I will surely die.
Amen.
Craft
How to decide on saying yes or no.
Sometimes it’s not you asking for a yes or no, but someone asking you to answer yes or no, and sometimes it isn’t an easy question to answer. Clarity, a lack of understanding of all possible outcomes, and fear of being wrong are all reasons we have a hard time making that choice. Here are some steps to take to make it easier to answer yes or no:
- Take your time. Don’t worry about having to answer right away. If it’s a life-or-death thing, it’s probably too late anyway, but if you do have a chance, it is always great to sleep on it.
- Know what the fuck is going on. You can’t make decisions if you don’t know all the facts. Do your due diligence and look at all the possible facts you need to learn before saying your answer.
- Be open-minded. You might have an instinctual answer, but that doesn’t mean it’s right. You might need to open your mind up to scary new experiences or the unknown.
- Have rules. It’s hard to answer yes or no if you don’t have clear boundaries and rules you live by. Knowing your morals and ethics will help you make better decisions. It also helps to have goals, but I don’t want to make it too challenging to make decisions.
Goal
If someone says no, it’s because they hate you and don’t want you in their life. Cut them out forever.