On January 11th, 2016, I started a daily practice of writing a joke meditation of the day called Cracked Pot Meditations. I was still recovering from the treatment of cancer, and I was having very challenging cognitive issues, so I chose just to put something simple and easy to write every day. Posting it to the blog allowed me to have some accountability. Some of those meditations were poorly written and unedited. I have gone back and begun editing these and adding an illustration, starting with the April 27th meditation. I hope you enjoy.
Meditation for August 11th
How To Keep Your Significant Other According To Their Astrological Sign
Each astrological sign has a sweet spot where knowing this will make them yours forever – and who doesn’t want someone forever? Sometimes this little secret is the only reason this person will stay with you when everything else points to relationship doom.
Aries
Never bore an Aries, or they will cheat on you with someone from your family.
Taurus
You can buy a Taurus’ love. They’re whores.
Gemini
Get ready to listen to a Gemini’s incessant jabbering about nothing. Just smile and nod.
Cancer
They will want to process everything.
Leo
Make everything about them. They’re a fucking lazy lion. Be impressed by them.
Virgo
Always assume a Virgo is right – even if they aren’t…especially if they aren’t.
Libra
Just know that what they said before isn’t true now. Nothing is black and white.
Scorpio
Never ever make a mistake. A Scorpio will never ever forget. Neither will you, because they will bring it up all the time.
Sagittarius
All Sagittariuses will want an open relationship. You’re not enough, yet you’re too much at the same time.
Capricorn
Never make fun of a Capricorn. They have no sense of humor. In fact, don’t even date a Capricorn because of the no-fun policies they hold dear.
Aquarius
You will never know if an Aquarius actually loves you or not. You will want to ask if they do, but it’s best not to ask, as doing so might lose them forever.
Pisces
Don’t even try to bicker with a Pisces, or they will clam up and leave. They need life to be stable and ok. Stop rocking the boat, so if you have any issues with them, keep them to yourself.