Meditation for October 2nd
How To Know If You’re Boring
It’s really easy to know if someone else is boring because that person bores you, but what if you were boring? How would you know? If you had any real, authentic people in your life, they would tell you, but you don’t, so I have made an easy guide to let you know if you are a boring ass.
Your conversations are unbalanced
Either you are rambling forever about you, you, you, you, you, with no concern for what the other person has to say, or you have nothing to say at all. Either way, boring. Someone might try to tell you something about their life, but you hear one word, and you talk all about what you know about that. A person might feel pity for you and ask you questions about your life, but you answer with one-word answers, and you don’t ask anything about them. They stand there looking like fools, and you stand there boring people to death.
You don’t notice if someone is interested in the conversation
You are just rambling on about yourself, and you aren’t noticing body language, active listening, or if the person is even facing you. Boring people are completely clueless about the amount of fucks given to them – and that’s a put down, you boring piece of shit, not a compliment, despite what internet memes about not giving fucks say.
You aren’t funny
You might even try the jokes, but you just can’t pull of funny. Most of the time, though, you find humor beneath you. Not funny means a total bore. You might even try and “borrow” from other comedians to complement your humor. Don’t. You aren’t Louis CK or Dave Chappelle.
You are stuck in a fucking rut
Boring people are repetitive and tend not to break out of that pattern. Eats the same thing, uses the same shampoo, gets the same kind of underwear… They might even wear their particulars as a badge of honor and call it OCD, but it’s not; it is just boring. It would be nice that your boring lack of variety in your life was because you were a minor Sherlock Holmes, but boring people aren’t really that smart. Try something new.
Boring people don’t have opinions
They might regurgitate what they have heard on TV, but when pressed for an argument, a boring person has never thought about it. They say politics and culture bore them, but only a boring person should be bored by modern civilization.
If they do have opinions, it is someone else’s. They haven’t thought of it themselves because boring people tend not to think for themselves.
Boring people cannot tell a story
Even if it is an exciting true story, a boring person will make it a yawnfest. The boring person just can’t seem to structure something interesting into a story because they themselves are uninteresting.
I know a boring person who went to Burning Man; boring people need things like Burning Man and karaoke to seem interesting, and I made the mistake of asking how it was. I want to end Burning Man because the story was so boring.
Boring people are one-sided
Boring people have a fixed perspective on life and everything, and are completely blind to any other point of view. They can’t even imagine walking a mile in someone else’s shoes because not being boring requires imagination and compassion.
This is why white people move to Portland, so they can be with people just like them. This boring white people utopia is like the third sequel of Escape From New York, but instead of a prison, it’s a place where people who can’t work hard can go and wait tables for a high minimum wage. Snake Plissken grows a beard and hunts for the best metal band that reminds him of the early 80s.
Boring people are exclusive
A boring person will shut out people in a conversation because they are afraid of being shut out themselves. They might even tell an extra-long, poorly told story just to filibuster someone else being included.
Boring people are nostalgic
Boring people often struggle to explore art and culture, and tend to remain in an era they find comfortable. They may even make it their whole personality and will buy knick-knacks and media from their preferred media. They will wallow in watching the same movie over and over again, taking the online quizzes to find out what character they are, and might even dress up like a character on more than one occasion.
Worship celebrities
Don’t be boring.