Meditation for February 17th
Introverts Versus Extroverts
There has been a lot of focus on the Myers-Briggs personality tests, mostly because you find a quiz on Facebook to take every day or you read an ‘only an extrovert/introvert will understand…’ list. The biggest reason people focus on being extroverted or introverted is that they forget the rest of the Myers-Briggs types. “I’m an EGYQT, I think.” These personality qualifiers don’t help mindfulness at all; in fact, they hurt you.
Embracing being introverted is just an excuse for being a holier-than-thou asshole. Saying you like to stay at home instead of being out with friends means you are a boring person who doesn’t like to do anything other than watch TV (or streaming if you pretend watching stuff on your computer is different than watching TV) for several hours in a row. Get over yourself. Get out there and dance because your friends want to. Not every party needs to be just a complex board game to be fun. Never say you don’t do something. When you say you don’t do something, you are saying you hate the person suggesting it. The only exception to this rule is pool or bowling—boring people with no personalities like those things.
Introverts are getting more and more permission from society that it’s okay to hide from life, but this needs to stop. Introverts are only hiding from themselves by staying out of sight of other people. Self-proclaimed introverts are a lot like people who self-proclaim being OCD or having PTSD; they are making it up for attention. It’s one thing to be a little shy; it’s quite another to be completely scared shitless of groups of people. We are social animals, and we are seeing introversion killing the species. People are too introverted to go out and breed.
Extroverts are just as annoying, if not more so, since their whole schtick is being noticed. They can never be alone. There has always been some social thing happening. They check in and tag all their friends to everything they do. They put people down for wanting to go home and get some sleep. They call in sick to work or ditch other responsibilities for a party. They ditch things for the better things. Extrovert is an Ancient Greek term meaning ” has no manners at Parties”.
Extroverts ruin card and board games, movies by talking the whole time, weddings by taking the attention away from the bride and groom, funerals by taking away from the dead, but really, the person is dead; get over it. Extroverts will do anything to be the center of attention and have even been known to murder other extroverts to make sure they control the room.
Take a breath and be okay with someone else telling a story. You don’t have to compare yourself to that person and their story. Maybe you have experience with whatever their story was about, but think, is this adding to the dialog, or are you one-upping? Then shut up and help the host wash dishes to keep your hands busy.
Then there are the introverts who think they are extroverts or the extroverts who think they are introverts. You’ll see several selfies on their social media page, telling you everything they are doing, but then they say they are introverted. Some will make all kinds of plans and ideas, then cancel at the last minute, exhausted before anything even happens. People are so delusional about themselves that they can’t even tell if they are an extrovert or an introvert.
Prayer
The Silent One Beneath Us,
Help me go to this party,
I don’t want to go.
I want to cuddle with my 13 cats and 2 dogs, 3 guinea pigs, and 2 hamsters – I had three, but Snuggle-Bugglez fell into my boiling Ramen water.
Instead of going to the party at the Spaghetti Factory,
where we aren’t sure how many people are showing up,
and some people will show up late,
and people will be talking over each other,
even though a server will be trying to take our order,
And those obnoxious guys will be there – the ones who like to throw things and fuck with the servers.
Please give me the strength to show up,
and deal with the hassle of dividing the check at the end.
Give me the power,
to stay the appropriate amount of time after the checks have been paid,
since it is my birthday party.
Dear Lord of Horns and Galas,
I know I wasn’t invited to the birthday party at the Spaghetti Factory,
and I know it might be because I’m the one who gets the guys all riled up, and we start throwing things at each other and at other diners,
But I want to have a good time,
and help other people have a good time,
But I need the guidance to help me stay home tonight.
I need the strength not to show up unannounced and uninvited at the Spaghetti Factory.
I know that I will make the birthday person upset,
and while it would be funny,
and my friends will be talking about how funny it was for months to come,
I know that it isn’t the right thing to do.
I know that I shouldn’t show up with a pie pan filled with whipped cream and smash it into the birthday person’s face just for a laugh,
So I won’t feel so alone anymore,
because it takes four minutes of not being noticed,
to feel utterly, hopelessly alone.
Give me the power not to throw spaghetti and burp,
but stay here and read the second Harry Potter book, finally, after trying to read it for the last seven years.
Fuck it, I’m going to the Spaghetti Factory.
Amen.
Craft
Introvert:
Host a tea party. You will need to mail invitations to your closest friends. You will want to clean up the house, because being a recluse is a messy job. You will need to find a nice tea set and enough cups for your guests. Pick a nice tea to steep. I would suggest green tea for a small amount of caffeine, but it’s a tasty afternoon treat. Make crustless cucumber sandwiches and lemon poppyseed scones to pair with your tea. Have people over. Drink tea, eat sandwiches, and scones. Laugh and chit chat. Be okay with a healthy amount of gossip. Clean up after your guests leave – not while the party is still going on, stay engaged the entire time your guests are there.
Extrovert:
In conversations, only ask questions. Never offer your own stories about what you did one time that was funny or insane. Never offer a story that one-ups the person who just told their story. Just ask questions that interest you so the storyteller knows you are listening. If conversations begin to lull, ask more questions. If the party seems to be flowing well, excuse yourself to the kitchen and wash the dishes.
Never throw anything at anyone.
Goal
You are not a title. You are not an introvert, so you can’t do certain things, and you aren’t an extrovert, so you have to be the way you are. If you are an introvert, you are a good listener, so be there for people who need someone to listen, rather than automatically trying to fix the problem or ghosting them. If you are an extrovert, you are the glue that binds people socially, so help others not feel alone.
You are you and nothing else.
Sometimes you have to throw something at an introvert for a laugh.