Meditation for May 12th
It’s Not A Good Time
We want to ensure it’s the right time when making a big decision. We have to have the space to recover from our choices and keep the other affected people in mind. We make sure we have time to meditate and take some alone time to gather our strength. We want to make sure that the change is done at a great time physically, astrologically, spiritually, and emotionally, and then have the space and time after to recharge, meditate, and reflect.
Too bad, there’s never a fucking good time. Life goes too fast for you to get any warning that you’ll need to re-discover all you know about life up to that moment and change, unless you are a privileged, rich person who can buy time and space.
It’s never a good time to break up with someone. It’s too soon after your birthday and too close to their birthday. Their mom died three years ago, and the anniversary for that is coming up, plus they’re starting a new job, and that would add a bunch of stress. You promised a week in Santa Barbara for Valentine’s Day, so you’ll have to wait till after that. On top of that, the person you are dating is ultra sensitive and might not be able to get over you, and suicide is a real threat to consider…
…now you’re in a terrible relationship for five years that you hate, and every time the other person is sleeping, you fantasize about walking out and never coming back, but you just can’t because it’s not the right time. Your life is wasting away and awful.
You’re miserable at your job. You want to quit, but the job market here stinks. You don’t want a full-time job right now because you might (MIGHT) go back to school, and besides, you’d be leaving a terrible mess at your current job. You want to do something with meaning and that you have passion for, but you have no experience, so maybe (MAYBE) you’ll go back to school and learn something you love, but then you’d have to move for cheaper rent and the way the rents have been sky rocketing in this town makes that decision off the books right now. You keep working at your dead-end job that you hate and stare at the ceiling as you try to sleep, recounting all the reasons you hate your job before you drift off to sleep.
It’s not a good time to go back to school right now. Tuition is so expensive, and you couldn’t just have the luxury of going to school; you’d have to work, and you wouldn’t have the time to do homework because you’d [see previous paragraph], and you have a hard time waking up so early for the early morning classes. Plus, you don’t know what you wanna do, so why waste a bunch of money exploring who you are or having some liberal professor tell you who you are? All the things you are passionate about don’t pay the bills, so why do what you love? Might as well [see previous paragraph].
You are standing before the villain of your life with your gun pointed at his head. If you kill him, all the pain and suffering will stop and you will be able to get on with your life without this villain going out of his way to create complete malicious chaos for your life and everyone you care for, BUT if you shoot this terrible person, no one will know why he did it. Why did he kill all those people? Why did he frame you for the murders? Why did he frame someone else so that you were exonerated? If you could catch him in the act or find some clue that shows he has been the mastermind of all this the whole time. You would find closure. Sweet relieving closure! If you shoot this evil personified, you become just as evil as he. Are you willing to walk the same roads as he? Are you able to take a life? Is it necessary to kill one to save hundreds? Is this why you are here on Earth? To end this tyrant from hurting anyone else?
Too bad he just jumped the kitchen counter and stabbed you in the neck while you stared at his eyes with your philosophical quandary. You’re dead. Should make decisions quicker. Better to ask forgiveness than permission.
Prayer
God.
Will it always be an awkward time?
Will it ever be easier to know I must do this right now?
Or will I always be unsure?
Will I keep making decisions that end up hurting or changing the lives of those around me?
Or will I find a graceful way of making my choices?
You, God, have not been all that helpful.
Either I am making decisions that you already knew I was going to make because you made me make them,
Or you’re a sham made up by man for comfort and control.
Amen.
Craft
The Tarot is a great tool for meditation when facing tough decisions. A basic setup is to lay out four cards.
Put the first card at the top. This will be the energy you feel toward the decision you have yet to make. It might mean you will be clear when you make it, or you will be confused and unsure of yourself.
The second card to the left and under the first card represents the positive attribute that you will use to make your decision.
Directly under the first card will be the card that represents other matters to consider in making your decision. These may be things that you hadn’t thought of.
His last card, placed to the right and under the first card, represents the negative attributes that are blocking you from making a good decision.
With these four cards, you can make an informed and spiritual decision.
For humor’s sake, pretend you are in a terrible argument with your partner. It is so bad that you are considering breaking up.
In the middle of the argument, begin laying out your tarot cards…
Goal
Make the fucking decision! It’s never the right time. It might be the exact wrong time, but you aren’t perfect. You are a complete mess, so drop the doing things right routine and live.