On January 11th, 2016, I started a daily practice of writing a joke meditation of the day called Cracked Pot Meditations. I was still recovering from the treatment of cancer, and I was having very challenging cognitive issues, so I chose just to put something simple and easy to write every day. Posting it to the blog allowed me to have some accountability. Some of those meditations were poorly written and unedited. I have gone back and begun editing these and adding an illustration, starting with the April 27th meditation. I hope you enjoy.
Meditation for August 9th
It’s OK Not to Be OK
In our modern age of materialism and information, we struggle to admit that we are not OK. In fact, society rewards us with acceptance when we share that we are more than OK. Back when we were just animals and not making up religions and economic systems, not being OK meant death. Being OK was survival and not being left to be taken by nature.
Well, now we have science and religion, supermarkets and tapas bars, so survival isn’t a regular activity, but we still won’t admit we aren’t OK.
Truth is, you are not OK. You might have everything you need and some things you want; you might be good-looking and witty, but you still feel this missing part that you could never find. You know that someday you are going to die. You might not dwell on it, but the odds are you will suffer greatly at your death. You probably won’t die peacefully in your sleep.
The odds that after you die, that excruciating death, you will be received in Holy Jerusalem on the other side in the planes of the dead are slim to none, so you have to ask yourself, what was this all for? Even with the idea of an afterlife reward for good behavior, there seems to be little to no reason this part of our existence has to happen.
Before we die, we live trying not to pay attention to being alive. We avoid pain. We do drugs and drink, we doomscroll on our phones, we try never to be alone, we watch endless TV and movies, and anything else that takes us out of ourselves so we don’t notice we aren’t OK. We chase money, love, and power, thinking that it is the point of anything. We care about legacy, knowing that people will remember us after we’re gone will make us feel OK about the way we live.
This all makes being OK a real fucking chore.
So it is OK to admit you aren’t OK. Sometimes we wake up sad, alone, and broken. Sometimes we spend years fixing ourselves only to find ourselves still unfixed. We find new ways to hurt ourselves, and we stay up all night worrying. We notice our faces in the blacked-out screens of our phones or TVs, and are for a second alone and aware of the bubbling pain in our souls, trying to bubble up to the surface.
You’re not OK. You have no idea what you are doing. Maybe you’re doing similar things as other people in your demographic, but doesn’t that make you a mindless follower? You will always have something to work on.
Don’t be OK with being OK.
Prayer
God,
For the love of You,
Why is this the way life has to be?
Even if you’re real,
It doesn’t make any sense.
Life is simple enough in theory,
But complicated enough to not be able to succeed at it.
I’m not OK.
I can’t do this alone,
And I’m tired of pretending I am OK.
So get off your non-existent ass,
And help me.
Amen.
Craft
In religious and 12-step programs, there is a saying that God never gives you more than you can handle. The saying is bullshit. There is such a thing as too much to handle, and because a lot of us live individualistic lives where it is a sin to look weak in front of our family and peers, it is too much. Some things are too big, and sometimes it is just the accumulation of small obstacles that breaks our spirit.
So our craft today isn’t gonna need scissors or a glue gun, but just a phone. Ask for help. No problem is too small to reach out to those who love us to ask for help, whether it’s just listening to us rant or actually assisting us with what ails us. I, for one, know that it is tough to accept help even when it’s offered, and asking for help is even harder.
If you are the receiving end of someone asking for help, here is your craft: listen. Sometimes, telling them how to fix their problem isn’t what they need; maybe they need to rant about how difficult life is and have someone to understand them. It is hard enough to express our feelings, so having someone to tell us how to stop feeling that way rationally is a big help. It can feel dismissive, so listen and even ask what you can do. You can even ask them if they want some of your advice, and maybe they will.
So, the saying is only kind of bullshit; the saying should be God never gives you more than you can handle if you ask for help.
Goal
While feeling OK and even happiness are great, they aren’t a permanent state. We can do everything right, and life will still shit all over us. We need to be OK with not being OK. With that, we can get the help we need, because we won’t have pride and ego making it too hard to admit we struggle.