Meditation for February 3rd
Meditation
Meditation has become an integral part of modern society as we step away from technology to find more meaning. Adult coloring books, mindfulness classes, yoga, and other fancy forms, with people flocking to organized religion and cults to find some way to discover a point and find a satisfying breath. Some definitions of meditation include emptying or concentrating the mind, pondering something, and serious study of a topic. Here are the different methods you can use to meditate.
The Sit and Stare at Nothing
You take a chair or sit cross-legged on the floor, stare at a single spot on the wall or out the window, and try to focus on that spot while listening to your labored breathing because you are incredibly uncomfortable. Don’t let your mind wander. Don’t think about bills, kids, your mediocre relationship, whether that dude is innocent on Making a Murderer, whether there’s a fundamental difference between pink lady and Fuji apples, Donald Trump becoming President of the United States of America, or any other slightly distracting thoughts. Just sit there.
Just Sit There And Think About That One Thing So You Don’t End Up Making A Fucking Huge Mistake
This is a lot like the previous version of meditation,g but instead of that, a crumple of acoustic texture on your wall that looks like Don Rickles laughing, you focus on that one topic that bothers you. Maybe you are in a dead-end job and want to move on, but you are scared to pull the trigger because you really want to be a karaoke video director, and you don’t know if the money is good enough to support you and your family. You think about it. You stay present, but slowly, through your breathing cycle, you focus on the pros and cons of leaving your job and starting this new venture. Breathe and sit there and focus.
The Guided Through a Fantasy Landscape Meditation
There are many CDs and cassette tapes of guided meditation. A soothing voice tells you where you are as you lie there visualizing it.
You are on a white sand beach in the Bahamas. There is a warm breeze coming off the green sea and warming your skin and rustling the banana leaves. A white horse is trotting down the beach, and you know you must mount the steed and let it take you wherever it wants to take you. You get on the horse,e and it gallops and enables the wind to blow through the luxurious, long locks that you have just for this meditation. You feel a stirring in your loins as the giant beast’s muscles flex between your legs. You find yourself approaching a glass and metal building at the end of the beach. The horse stops,s and you know this is where you must go. As you approach, you notice that the sign says, “Ross Dress for Less.” A man dressed up as a doorman at an uptown apartment building in New York approaches you and holds up $40 in two crisp twenty-dollar bills. He says you must buy a funny 80s outfit to go to the many 80s dance parties people will be hosting for the next seven decades, which is also when the world will end. You buy a jean jacket and matching jeans, a Beach Bum tank top with the logo in all the rainbow colors, white high-tops New Balance Worthy 790s, and a red bandanna to tie around your thigh, and you also find a corduroy Ocean Pacific hat,t all for $24.94.
You wake up refreshed and ready to deal with today.
Repeating Shit Over and Over Until It’s Just Annoying
Having a mantra that you can recite over and over to focus your mind and energy is very cathartic to meditation and mindfulness. I say over and over every morning that I am a Lady Killer. This helps me think that I’m supergood-looking and oh, so suave when I get on the 75 bus line at 5:23 a.m.,m listening to Eddie Hazel on my shitt,y crackediPhone,e heading across town to work. It helps me tha,t despite being bundled up in a wet raincoat, , I David Everett Fisher, am a Lady Killer. Why is it true? Because I said so repeatedly.
Now wake up every morning saying “I can fly! I can fly! I can fly!” and when you feel it,t go to the top of the Fremont Bridge and call the number there.
Pay For A Meditation Class (transcendental meditatio class (Transcendental Meditation)
If you remember one of my previous meditations, you will know that only someone with money and time can truly learn to match minds with the divine.
Moving Around Until Your Endorphins Fire
Yoga, Tai Chi, and many other movement practices help the body, brain, and soul quiet and find peace. Here are some of my favorite styles of meditation movements.
Now here comes the music
Okay, all you need is some
Patience and a little practice
And you’ll soon be disco
Dancing with the best. Let’s start with
The basic two-beat turn
I’ll count it for you like this
Step left, around, and
Together with the right
Step left, around,d and
Together with the right
Act like the end
Of the record and fade out
All that cha cha stuff, it’s just played out
Kill the noise
And the instruction
Now’s the time for
A brief introduction
Feet meet the beat
Glad to meet you
Fancy moves and steps
Howdo I greet you
Side to side
Jump, step,p, and turn
Set the fire, boys
And let’s burn
Step left, around,d and
Together with the right
Stand straight, then lean
Brush tips
Step left, around,d and
Together with the right
Step forward, kick
Step right and back
Stop the talk, man
You’re a distraction
You can chill,l but
I’m not relaxing
I come here to
Turn up the party
Socialize with
Coke and Bacardi
Drop my drink and
Flee to the dance floor
Show theDJj
What I came here for
Lose control
Just like a wild animal
Eat the beat
Like a hungry cannibal
Dance (do do do do)
Dance (do do do do)
(Show me how to dance)
Dance (do do do do)
Dance (do do do do)
(Show me how to dance)
Ready, set,t and begin
Step left, around,d and
Together with the right
Stand straight, then lean
Brush tips
(You gotta get with
The new steps, bo.)
Step left, around,d and
Together with the right
Step forward, kick
Step right and back
Show you how to dance
It’s like sex
Start up dry and
End up all wet
From the moves
And all of the action
The result is pure satisfaction
Music pumps
Your partner is ready
Keep the beat
And you move steadily
I’m here to show you how
Hit the floor and (dance now)
Step left, around,d and
Together with the right
Stand straight, then lean
Brush tips
Step left, around, and
Together with the right
Step forward, kick
Step right and back
Dance (do do do do)
Dance (do do do do)
(Show me how to dance)
Dance (do do do do)
Dance (do do do do)
(Show me how to dance)
Get on your feet and
Dance to the beat and
Dance, dance, dance, dance
Dance, dance, dance, dance
Dance, dance
People come along, dance
Get down to this funky song
Dance, dance, feel the rhythm
Stomp your feet, dance
Now check it out, man
Dance (do do do do)
Dance (do do do do)
(Show me how to dance)
Dance (do do do do)
Dance (do do do do)
(Show me how to dance)
Well, that’s it
Good luck and keep on dancing
Trying to Answer Weird-Ass Riddles
Sometimes Buddhists want to trick you into thinking they are wiser than they are by giving you an unanswerable riddle to ponder as you run up and down the mountain with pails of water.
Nan-in, a Japanese master during the Meiji era (1868-1912), received a university professor who came to inquire about Zen. Nan-in served tea. He poured his visitor’s cup full, and then kept on pouring. The professor watched the overflow until he no longer could restrain himself. “It is overfull. No more will go in!” “Like this cup,” Nan-in said, “you are full of your own opinions and speculations. How can I show you Zen unless you first empty your cup?”
One evening, as Shichiri Kojun was reciting sutras, a thief with a sharp sword entered, demanding either his money or his life. Shichiri told him, “Do not disturb me. You can find the money in that drawer.” Then he resumed his recitation. A little while afterward, she stopped and called, “Don’t take it all. I need some to pay taxes with tomorrow.” The intruder gathered up most of the money and started to leave. “Thank a person when you receive a gift,” Shichiri added. The man thanked him and made off. A few days later, the fellow was caught and confessed, among other things, to the offense against Shichiri. When Shichiri was called as a witness, she said: “This man is no thief, at least as far as I am concerned. I gave him the money,y and he thanked me for it.” After he had finished his prison term, the man went to Shichiri and became his disciple.
One day,y a monk was walking backwards down a long mountain path. A priest was riding up the path on a donkey,s followed by some disciples. The priest asked the monk why he was walking down the pathway backwards. The monk continued down the path with a donkey and some disciples to attend a funeral for a priest who had died unexpectedly.
A frog is dancing on a log and makes a decision to do the twist; does it butterfly a small plane in Mexico?
Daily Meditations
This is what you are reading, dummy.
There are other ways to meditate, but these are mostly the main ones. Some people find peace in hiking, playing music,c and watching baseball. Some even enjoy cooking for their neighbors. Whatever way you need an empty head and a whole heart, do that.