Meditations for January 25th, 2016
Planet X
As the planets travel through the emptiness of space, your life is being affected by where the planets are at any given time. Gravity, inertia, and astrophysics, among other sciences, are studied to foresee your financial and romantic futures. These have been used for a thousand or so years as a guide for most of us.
Forget everything you thought you knew about horoscopes because the finding of a possible tenth planet, Planet X, changes everything about your future.
You are probably married to the wrong person; you are probably not compatible with the signs you initially thought you were; you are probably not at the job you are supposed to be at; you are probably wasting your time chasing what you love, because you actually don’t love it anymore. The numbers that were pertinent in your life are just downright wrong. Nothing you know is true or real anymore. You have been living a lie. You owe people apologies for lying to them about your horoscope and what it means for your life.
You’ll have to change everything you thought you knew about yourself. There’s a 13th sign! This also means your rising and moon signs are wrong, and every house is wrong. Your love life is wrong, your career is wrong, everything is wrong. Want to know why you never feel ‘okay’? It’s because you aren’t in possession of the right astrological paths.
Prayer
If there is a star and planet chart that already has your future set in stone, then if there is a God, he won’t budge because your life has been pre-written, and therefore, there is nothing you can do. Prayer is meaningless because the whole universe already knows what will happen.
Make a sandwich instead.
Craft
Ingredients needed:
1/3 cup mayonnaise
2 tablespoons yellow mustard
1/2 teaspoon minced garlic
Pinch Essence, recipe follows
10 thick slices of white sandwich bread
1/4 pound sliced pepperoni
1/4 pound thinly sliced Swiss cheese
1/2 pound thinly sliced turkey breast
1/4 pound thinly sliced provolone
1/2 pound thinly sliced roast beef
1/4 pound thinly sliced mild Cheddar
1/2 pound thinly sliced pastrami
1/4 pound thinly sliced pepper jack cheese or Monterey jack if pepper jack is too spicy
1/2 pound sliced salami
5 pieces thick-cut bacon, cooked crisp and halved
1 medium tomato, cut into thin slices (about 5)
10 whole green leaf lettuce leaves, washed, patted dry, and stem ends removed
3 red cherry tomatoes
3 small pickle slices
3 long metal skewers
Potato chips, accompaniment
Combine mayonnaise and mustard in a small bowl—season with chopped garlic and Essence.
Arrange 5 bread slices on a large cutting board. Spread 2 tablespoons of the mayonnaise mixture evenly on each slice.
Layer the meat and cheeses evenly among the bread slices in this order: pepperoni, Swiss, turkey, provolone, roast beef, cheddar, pastrami, pepper jack, and salami. (Fold the meats so the sandwiches stack evenly.) Top each sandwich with tomato slices and the remaining bread slices.
Spread about 1 tablespoon of the mayonnaise mixture on each sandwich, then lay 2 bacon halves on each.
Place 1 cherry tomato and 1 pickle slice on each skewer.
Carefully build the Dagwood Sandwich by stacking all 5 sandwiches on top of each other. Separate the sandwiches by placing 2 lettuce leaves in between.
To keep the sandwich tower from falling over, fit the skewers into the sandwich tower all the way through the center. To serve, pull off the desired amount of bread, meat, and cheese, and serve with potato chips on the side.
Goal
Try to take out of this meditation that whatever you do has already been prophesied by the very universe that we are living in as an insignificant speck in, and that whatever decision has been predetermined. Try to stymie the stars and do things that are unpredictable and fuck God up – or are the unpredictable behaviors already known? Try anyhow.