Cracked Pot Meditations – Politics

On January 11th, 2016, I started a daily practice of writing a joke meditation of the day called Cracked Pot Meditations. I was still recovering from the treatment of cancer, and I was having very challenging cognitive issues, so I chose just to put something simple and easy to write every day. Posting it to the blog allowed me to have some accountability. Some of those meditations were poorly written and unedited. I have gone back and begun editing these and adding an illustration, starting with the April 27th meditation. I hope you enjoy.

Meditation for June 10th

Politics

To be known as a meditation leader, spiritual guru, and self-help fashion icon, I must explain my political beliefs to my dear, blessed readers. Sometimes a person isn’t a true Saint until their political beliefs are known.

I am fiscally liberal while socially conservative. Here are my platforms:

Economics

What is a fiscal liberal? We should have high taxes and a huge government to spend them on. I believe in many government programs that take away the responsibilities from the people because let’s face it, people can’t handle anything.

Do you own property? Tax it. Do you make money? Tax it. Did you get money from a dead relative? Tax the ever living shit out of it. Do you pay other people? Oh my God, tax the payroll! Own a car? Tax it. Buy gas? Tax that too and tax it a lot. Cigarettes, alcohol, weed, gambling, and new clothes? Sin Tax! If it exists, tax it.

Guns

Heck yes, everyone should have guns and since I am a fiscal liberal, I will buy a gun for every goddamned free American over the age of 7.

Yes, you can buy whatever gun you want with no restrictions on clip size or what have you, but you’ll have to pay taxes. The more deadly the weapon is, the higher the taxes.

Wanna buy a grenade launcher, you’ll be purchasing these United States of America a brand spanking new F-65 to buy it. If you shoot up a school, your purchase will rebuild the school afterwards!

Marriage

Well, because I am a social conservative, I believe that marriage is between a man and a woman, but since I am a fiscal liberal, I believe that everyone has to be married and taxed for it. If you have money, you can get married. You’ll just be taxed for the privilege.

Let’s bring back dowries and land transfers for marriages, but instead of between land-owning families, it will be dowries to the government for the privilege of marriage—anything that can be taxed. The feds get one for every 10 sheep you give to a woman’s family for her hand in marriage. For gay couples who are hoping for happy marriages, someone has to decide who is sending the dowry to whom, and then we tax it.

I would set a very high tax with penalties for people who divorce and cheat on their spouse. It should bankrupt someone who wants to get out of a marriage. It’s sacred!

The Environment 

While the majority of scientists have found scientific proof of man’s impact on climate change, as a social conservative, I deny any proof that people have any effect on the climate. Besides, is it nice that we are getting warmer weather? Plus, the intense natural disasters are helping my friends and developers out!

I would still do carbon taxes because, hey, it’s taxable!

Abortion

I would allow abortion in the parameters of the Roe V. Wade decision, but I would add a tax on abortions. I would have all aborted children still pay Social Security taxes for each year they don’t exist for 67 years. The mother would be responsible for the tab.

Too bad the Democrats never put Roe vs Wade into law so they could keep it as a fundraising scare tactic, and the Republicans let the states decide for themselves, so we are losing a huge taxable revenue stream! Bad!

Gender Pay Equality

Instead of insisting on women being paid the same amount as men, I would tax men the amount they get more than women. You may now thank me, ladies.

Military

Being a social conservative, I would bring our entire military home and guard our borders. Let’s see the immigrants try and fuck with Marines. (Oops, I guess Trump read my blog.)

We would no longer be the world police; we would only look after what is ours. If a country wants Uncle Sam to stand guard against the tyranny of the neighboring country, we’ve got to get paid! Want us to stand up to a genocidal government? Pay us before we sell weapons of mass destruction to them to carry out the genocide. Policing ain’t free!

I would also take the 2nd Amendment literally, the part that says, “A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free state…” and make every able-bodied American from 18 to 20 serve in the military. Of course, they get to keep their guns…for a small tax.

Political Reform

I would undo the 12th Amendment and restore the vice president as whoever has the second-most votes in the presidential election.

I would also ratify the 17th Amendment and restore senators’ voting rights to each state’s House of Representatives. The people aren’t trustworthy, and the small minority of citizens who use their voting privileges aren’t doing a great job.

BUT! I would get rid of the Electoral College and give the people what they want, even if it’s wrong!

I don’t care about ID for voting, but a voter should pass a small civics test before voting.

I would declare the United States of America not at war against anyone or anything and restore the president’s power to veto or sign a law, command the armed forces, convene or adjourn Congress, grant reprieves and pardons, appoint their cabinet, and receive ambassadors. There would be no more emergency powers granted by the declaration of war. Let the Senlly do shit. I know it’s hard to believe they do shit, but they are supposed to do a lot of shit.

We need democracy, but we also need to protect the government from the tyranny of the masses. You have all been dumbed down. Probably all them cuts to education since Reagan.

Transgender Relations

Transgendered would be treated as multiple tax revenues: the birth gender and the transferred gender. If the person identifies as fluid or other, they would be taxed three times.

This is through the eyes of a fiscal liberal having a compromise with the socially conservative. I can be okay with anything as long as I can tax it. Social liberals who are fiscally conservative want everything for free, and that everybody can do whatever they want without paying taxes. Conservative want the government out of our hair unless it’s a biblical abomination, then let’s make some laws, libertarians are selfish assholeswish to like the kids off their lawmainlyostly because the lawn chemicals they used to get that perfect green and weedless lawn is so toxic that it will kill the children and since there is no governmental protection anymore, no one is responsible, the liberal is just wanting to have the government do everything for them because they scrambled their brains on weed and LSD crack brownies at a Grateful Dead show, but when looking at who is paying politicians and the decisions they make, there is not difference between the liberals and conservatives. People are judging based on personalities rather than principles.

By the way, this post is a joke. I’m a socially conservative, fiscal liberal. I’m a communist. I know politics is a hot and controversial topic. Still, I think if you like to ignore what’s going on or walk away from difficult conversations, nothing will change, and suddenly your lack of participation will affect you. It is true, Knowledge is power.