On January 11th, 2016, I started a daily practice of writing a joke meditation of the day called Cracked Pot Meditations. I was still recovering from the treatment of cancer, and I was having very challenging cognitive issues, so I chose just to put something simple and easy to write every day. Posting it to the blog allowed me to have some accountability. Some of those meditations were poorly written and unedited. I have gone back and begun editing these and adding an illustration, starting with the April 27th meditation. I hope you enjoy.
Meditation for June 21st
Read All The Words
A song popularized by those angelic darlings, Tesla, is called Signs. The song states that everywhere you look, there are signs that hippies are the most persecuted population on earth, and that hippies figure themselves out by tucking their hair into their hats.
Signs are a way to tell people what to do and/or how to do it. Some signs give pertinent information, like the hours a business operates or the name of the store. Is this a self-serve pastry case? Where does one order food? Where does the line start for this? Signs are put up to provide the answers to those questions.
BUT YOU WON’T FUCKING READ THEM!!!
No, you will just stand there wondering why no one will tell you what to do. You are so lazy, inconsiderate and self-absorbed that you won’t take the two to three seconds it takes to read a damn sign.
You have a terrible allergy that if you even read the word, you will shrivel up and die. You won’t read the label, and you bring the product home, and you finally decide to read the label and see that the most evil ingredient in the world is in it. You then blame the store for selling a deadly food, all because you can’t be bothered to read to save your own life.
Wanna know why articles on the Internet are lists and or broken up into subjects? Because you won’t read the article, but you’ll just scan the main ideas. You actually don’t learn much more, but you see the main points.
Subject
This part will just emphasize that this paragraph or three will be about the subject.
The subject alone answers the whole section, but it has to have a body of work, or it isn’t actually smart.
You probably opened this article by reading this headline: “When a subject and a list get together, I thought I knew what happened, but what happened next made me cry.” You had to know what made me cry, so you opened the damned article and saw the first part broken up into subjects and then finished off by a list.
1. You are a lazy person who is choosing to be illiterate.
I then explain in great detail that you a lazy piece of shit that would rather be illiterate than read something.
2. You don’t respect the boundaries of others.
I then went on a tangent about how you will just pull and push on a locked door and make an angry face because it is locked instead of looking up and seeing that the store is closed. You are too important to respect the door’s boundaries.
3. You just can’t be bothered.
You’re too self-important to be bothered with the rules and instructions written on the walls around you.
4. A list has to be three or more to be complete.
This is the last thing on the list, so it needs to be a punchline or an emotional sucker punch that will make you laugh or cry and encourage you to share it on your social media page. This is mostly because you are such a boring sod of shit that you have no idea how to write an original thought on social media.
Now, under this, we’ve included some links that will hopefully make you click. The only thing that sells more than lists is picture articles.
Boobs!
Big famous bikini boobs!
What these child actors look like now!
Boobie people!
Start looking at your surroundings. If there is a sign, read it, comprehend it, and maybe even follow its suggestion. Stop being a cocky, non-reading idiot.