Meditation for February 15th
Self Love
They say if you truly want to love someone, you have to start by learning to love yourself. They are smart. Love comes from the very core of us, and when we are filled, we can pour it all over another person. If we grow up unloved and become broken, we find that pouring our love all over another person feels painful and scary. Our whole society is based on finding a soulmate to share our lives with, so we step into relationships before restoring the vessel that carries our Love Juice.
There are a few true ways to find self-love. One is by belittling others. It’s hard to love yourself if you are surrounded by people who are better than you. Be the barbarian with a battle-axe standing on a pile of bodies as vultures circle, but instead of an axe, you use a witty tongue. You must climb to the top by climbing on top of others – even people you say you love. We don’t succeed in love by being nice. Being judgmental also helps you see what you don’t love in others, so you don’t become that yourself.
The other method is to be completely self-absorbed. Always doing for you. Self-love is the ultimate self-centeredness – the final self-care boss. Take yourself out on dates. Go to dinner with a nice book, see a movie, and then go home and take a hot bath and masturbate to OK GO videos. When people try to talk about themselves, bring the focus back to you. Hide it behind trying to understand to relate. The less it is about you, the less love you will feel for yourself. Every day, you should be courting yourself. The best way to court yourself is to make sure the people in your life are worshipping your lore.
And like courting a date, you can’t be yourself. You have to lie to yourself so that you fall for a much better person than what you really are. You, as the real you, aren’t worthy of self-love, so you will want to become a person who is worthy of your love, someone better than you. When you masturbate, fake orgasms, when you go out, spend money you don’t have, when you are in public, act like a saint. This all goes to making you fall in love with yourself. Don’t show yourself your red flags early; wait till you have fallen madly in love with yourself.
You know all of this is working by becoming unattainable by any mere mortal. Become out of your own league.
Prayer
Baal,
help me be a better me.
If I’m not good enough,
find me a personality and style that is.
Guide me to love by only concentrating on me.
Let no other get in the way of my self-care.
I must work on myself before I can even fulfill my responsibilities.
Let me treat myself like a blonde Texan woman treats a small dog in a pink leopard spotted kennel in a giant mall.
George Clooney’s Homoerotic College Hot Tub Experiment No One is Talking About
Some day I want to love another person,
but I spend a lot of days hating myself.
I spend so much time doubting myself,
giving myself reasons why I don’t matter,
giving myself excuses for being alone,
instead of just trying to be the best me possible.
Stop being you.
Be better than you.
Be George Clooney having a homoerotic experiment in a hot tub while in college.
Craft
Write a list of all the things you dislike about yourself. Then, as you go about your days, find others who are worse at those things than you and write their name next to the glaring handicap. That way if you think about that one thing, you can say at least I’m not as bad as _____________________.
Goal
Love yourself because no one else knows how to do it. Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day, so don’t sit there sad that no one in the world loves you, shit on everyone’s parade by making a big scene on Facebook about how dumb the holiday is, that it is just a Hallmark trying to keep the man down and how relationships are beneath you because you are actually in tuned with yourself while people in relationships are tools.
Now eat ice cream from the carton with a giant wooden spoon, watch Seinfeld, and cry.