Meditation for February 26th
Spiritual Swagger
We try so hard to overcome the pitfalls of life to achieve the spiritual vibrations to which we are attuned. After climbing such a mountain of temptations and base human desires, we want to turn around and tell others how we did it. We might be asking God for help overcoming shortcomings, but we’re the ones who actually do it.
This is having Spiritual Swagger. We must, by God’s directive, share all of our accomplishments. Why on earth would God sit down with Al Gore, Steve Jobs, and Bill Gates to invent the Internet for us not to post how great we are, too? This is how we help others to join us on our path and follow us.
We must post videos of ourselves working out. We must, or the people will forget to work out, and they will slowly die eating themselves into a fleshy walrus carcass. We show ourselves doing squats, triumphantly throwing those terrible weights away, and yelling. Tuff.
We take what we learn from our spiritual teachings into our romantic relationships. We post pictures and brag about how great our partners are. I suppose it’s true on the Internet, so it’s true in real life. Make sure you take a lot of selfies of faces squished together.
Do you hike in the woods? Take pictures of the woods so the lost can know nature exists!
Did you quit anything like smoking or drinking? Make sure to make a huge deal of every anniversary about how great it is that you quit!
Did you cook a delicious,s nutritious dinner?!? Snap a photo of that shit!
Did you take someone to the hospital? CHECK YO-SELF IN!
Did you clean up your room like a real-life adult person??? We want to know and see!
Post your gratitude list so the rest of us know you have it better than 80% of the planet, just by being able to drink water from well-designed water bottles.
We didn’t just decide one day to go to yoga or sign up for a meditation retreat; we saw someone better than us doing it, and we decided we also want to be an insufferable person of spiritual privilege, but unlike other privileges, we don’t have to check our spiritual privilege ever.
SPIRITUAL SELFIE!
Prayer
Ishvara, there is so much to accomplish,
And unlike Bear Grylls,
I have to do my own camera work.
Lord of the Wheel,
Help me to share myself,
To every single person I can.
Let the lost know what love is.
Let the spiritually blind know what health looks like.
Let the Arby’s shame eater know what delicious salads I can make – with four different kinds of kale.
Let the Netflix binge know what mountains I walk.
Let the bowler know how interesting I am by the interesting places I go.
This is so I can be your humble servant,
A model of your glory,
The prophet of your awesome rituals,
A messiah to those who can’t find the true paths.
Where there is
Amen
Craft
Self Altars
What you will need:
Cigar box
Glue
Candles
Scissors and or knife
Pictures of yourself
Items that represent your own accomplishments
Fabric
Glue pictures of yourself and totems of your accomplishments to the cigar box in a way that feels right to you. Every morning, light candles and relish in you. See how great you are. Touch the totems. Feel the fabric of the undergarments of your most accomplished partner you ever dated. Slide your finger along the stem of a fork you used to shove the most delicious salad into your mouth.
At night, place new pictures and totems you achieved that day on your altar, and know you had an awesome day.
Goal
Don’t let a single great thing you do go unnoticed. It is important to witness to the ignorant by example, nd being an example is pictures and check-ins. Letting people know is answering the question “How’s it going?” with your accomplishments and the interesting things you are up to. Only mention the negative things to prove you are overcoming very hard adversities to be the great person you are, holding a yoga mat and eating an apple while the breeze blows back your hair in the vitamin aisle at Whole Foods. Tell everyone, like a nnew-agePaul Revere riding his bike through a quaint neighborhood, yelling, “The Buddhists are coming!”