On January 11, 2016, I began a daily practice of writing a joke meditation of the day, called Cracked Pot Meditations. I was still recovering from the treatment of cancer, and I was having very challenging cognitive issues, so I chose just to put something simple and easy to write every day. Posting it to the blog allowed me to hold myself accountable. Some of those meditations were poorly written and unedited. I have gone back and begun editing these and adding an illustration, starting with the April 27th meditation. I hope you enjoy.
Meditation for July 19th
Whatever You Do, Don’t Be Yourself
Some of us were raised to believe that we are special. That people are like snowflakes; no two are alike. We are told just to be ourselves. We are told to embrace individualism. When we are young, we grasp onto identities to define who we are because we are putting on a show for others to see. As we age, we seek ways to be more authentic, letting go of the need to care what other people think of us.
Be yourself. Do that and you will regret it. Despite what the other meditation blogs may say, being yourself isn’t a great idea. You’re not that great.
Here are some reasons not to be yourself.
People won’t trust you.
You can be real, and being real means sharing your fears and past, but that requires trusting the person to accept you and your past. Fear devalues trust in others. Giving up the fact that you aren’t sure of something or scared of the outcome will make a person close off from you, in case you’re right, or turn into that piece of shit you keep saying you used to be, or how little fun you will be with all your anxieties.
You will want to project confidence and clean up your past with some exaggerations or lies to ensure that people around you trust you.
You’ll just be the same.
If you concentrate hard on finding a sincere, honest, authentic self, you are making yourself close-minded. You are saying you are an asshole, always were an asshole, and always will be an asshole. You won’t be open to new ideas, growing as a person, or evolving. You will likely have a conservative personality. If you want to be accepted by others, then you can’t have any “sorry, that is just the way I am” shit getting in the way of having a good time. Nothing is more of a letdown than a person who chooses fear over having a good time with friends. You will soon find yourself being invited less and less because of your dumb anxieties and fears.
You might be wrong as a person.
What if you are your authentic self, and your authentic self isn’t right about something? What if your values as a person are uneducated and unfounded? You’d have to change. Your whole outlook on life might not be right, so then your authentic self is a shitty person.
Here is how you undo your authentic self and become something better than you. You’re not good enough right now. You don’t know enough to be set in your ways. You aren’t a statue of yourself, completely immortalized as the one good deed you did, and hopefully, everyone forgets all the horrible things you did to the Cherokee by making them walk from Florida to Oklahoma. Still, because you’re a war hero and knew how to duel like a man, you get to be on a twenty-dollar bill.
You fucking grew up
You’re not done growing. You cannot accept yourself as you are right now. You are barely reaching your true potential. Trying to understand other people’s point of view and being okay with being wrong makes you grow as a person, and therefore, you become better than you are now. Don’t be you now; you suck ass. Be who you would be if you worked on yourself for the next 25 years and shed all the ridiculous ticks you claim as personality traits.
Don’t self-promote
If you are being yourself, then you are self-promoting yourself to someone who either has bought your authentic self or doesn’t care. If you feel like you need to share a strong opinion, you are saying, “I am David Everett Fisher, and I believe this to be true. Buy my brand.” If you tell a story of your past, you are saying, “I am David Everett Fisher, and this is the story of my brand and how I got here to bless you with my existence.” Anyway, if you’re sharing a story, the person isn’t listening, but has heard a keyword and is thinking of a story that will make yours pale in comparison. Don’t self-promote, you aren’t that great, and you aren’t selling anything. #soblessed
You aren’t really in their shoes.
“Walk a mile in my shoes…” is some quote that some asshole said once. Many think it was those people who had to walk from Florida to Oklahoma that came up with that. Sometimes, you have to understand that your authentic self and the opinions you hold about things, stemming from your genuine self, can be perceived as offensive by other people. Sometimes you have to judge your audience before being all real and shit. You don’t always have to prove a point even to people who are struggling with a real struggle.
Respect other cultures and have some tact.
Seriously, though, you can be a tad stoic, though
If you have close friends and family, you can confide in them, but you don’t have to share every personal detail with every person you meet. You don’t have to share all your health drama or dating shenanigans with all your coworkers all the time. You aren’t the singer of sagas. We read books and watch TV to avoid the personal touch of knowing the person going through the ringer. It’s one thing to watch Piper in jail in a cute dramedy Netflix series; it’s another thing to listen to someone share their prison horror stories in person. If you’re having a bad day, stuff it, smile, and wait until you’re around those who love you before you let the tears flow. We don’t care enough. Suppose you keep pissing people off or feeling like you aren’t liked. In that case, it’s probably because you aren’t smart enough to understand tactful intelligence or have a high level of emotional intelligence, which would enable you to make the best decisions about what you reveal about yourself. This isn’t about playing a character, but it’s about being your true, authentic self on different levels.
Haha, you’re right, I don’t take my advice at all.