I’ve been having trouble sleeping since my surgery. I can’t get comfortable to relax enough to drift off. Tonight I compounded the problem by relapsing on late night coffee. Now the sky is greying and birds are chirping outside my window and I am terrified of life. I’m not terrified at all the aspects of […]
Last year I kept joking about how everyone was going to start taking me seriously when I turn 20 years sober. I celebrated and spoke at a couple of AA meetings and then it was as if nothing happened. To be honest I was a little disappointed. What have I been up to since last […]
It’s been two weeks since getting cut open and I’m still walking around like an old man, but I guess its time to put some pants on and see what’s going on outside. I’m not taking oxycodone anymore and to be honest, I was pretty disappointed in those little pills. I was in a daze […]
I have spent several years safe and secure where my only fear is cars turning right without looking for pedestrians and bicyclists on the sidewalks. I’ve been comfortable and everything is more or less okay and what constitutes problems were so trivial. I sometimes had to reach for issues just to be able to complain. […]
The other night I was walking down Belmont and enjoying the drizzle and listening to Dexter Gordon’s album, Our Man in Paris when I just froze in fear with the idea that I wasn’t going to live through my surgery. It was the panic attack kind of fear. I still am reeling from it and […]
I was getting ready for bed when three loud booms shook the apartment and scared me to death. They were just fireworks, but now I am running on adrenaline and fear, so maybe writing a New Years blog will calm the nerves. Fuck 2014. What a goddamn rip-off. The only thing that I can come […]
There is nothing more demanding than waiting. I’ve been waiting since Friday to find out if I’m going to have surgery or not. While it looks like I’m in remission, I just want the whole thing to be over. I am pretty sure that it won’t be like it was before I went to the […]
It has been awhile since I’ve posted a blog. The time has changed, new people have been elected, people have gotten married, things have been legalized, food will be just as labeled as before and I am doing better. Probably why I haven’t blogged about it, I’m feeling stronger and healthier. I went out Friday […]
October 30th will be my last chemo treatment and I can get my PICC out and start taking careless showers. I’m sitting in the dark in my apartment not feeling well and trying to pinpoint what is wrong, but I just can’t explain it. I just realized that I have been doing nothing but waiting […]
I am not an optimistic guy. I don’t see the world and its inhabitants in favorable light. I see the worst in most people. When I meet people for the first time I automatically don’t like them until they do something awesome that will change my opinion, but most of the time I’ll keep that […]
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