Meditation for March 16th
Social Filter
As society blossomed beyond civilization, etiquette and manners became a way for humans to live in proximity to one another and get along. As time went on, some polite ways fell by the wayside, and others seem outdated, but we follow those guidelines anyway. We don’t say everything that comes to our heads out loud so that we don’t offend others, hurt ourselves when those we hurt retaliate, and so we can get along in business, neighborly, and family ways. How we treat others affects us.
Small talk and pleasantries are the basics of polite social behavior. We say hello, good day, how are you? We smile, make eye contact, and sometimes even touch hands. We mention the weather, sports, and current events, at least the more pleasant ones. The more we know someone, the more real we can get, and talking about the weather isn’t the kind of conversation we have.
Behind the smiling eye contact, the hand holding, the touching acquaintance in front of you is a lecherous monster that despises your very existence. They don’t like you. They have opinions about you. They have critiques about things you do. They want to tear you off your precious little pedestal and smother you with a pillow. The nicer they are to you to your face, the meaner they are inside.
But there is decorum in concealing hatred toward another person and simply being polite. Even if the hatred stems from dislike of small talk, a person with a good social filter can and will be polite to keep the peace. They may go and talk a bunch of shit about the person behind their back, but for the face-to-face, they decided to be cordial.
Filters keep us from saying someone has been looking fatter lately, that their new hair do is like medusa met a weed whacker, that the colors they painted their house that’s next door to yours is going to make the local real estate plummet, that the make-up and cologne or perfume is making you feel like you are in World War I and the Ottomans just sent mustard gas into your trench as you are picking huge chunks of skin off your feet from trench foot, that the new shirt they are proudly wearing looks like Costco is making a line for obese clowns working on airport runways. You want to take them out to the middle of a beautiful pasture under a spreading oak tree, see a large pastoral valley stretched out in front of them, and put the person out of their misery. This is what a filter helps you avoid saying when you are standing on a sidewalk greeting your neighbor.
Being truthful and being real is walking a fine line. We must be truthful if we are going to walk the Way, but if we tell others everything we think, we hurt others. Some youth believe that doing away with filters is making them look tough and refreshing, but assholes are timeless. We think Larry from Curb Your Enthusiasm is cute, but if you are the constant Larry, you start to feel the burn of loneliness. Not that saying what we think isn’t without merit.
We should critique people. I think some people have walked through life thinking that the way they live is fine. It is time to push the asshole off his tall bike and tell him that it is silly, not cool, and that he is turning your town into a circus condo village for clown failures. That kid didn’t know that it was wrong to ride a tall bike with a top hat and goggles, but you just helped him understand. He can now get a regular bike and maybe wants to be something other than being a Burning Man/Ren. Fair attendee.
If everyone keeps getting mad at you, it is time to find a finer filter for your social graces. You have found yourself isolating from the people in your community. Being a hermit in the caves of Syria is not the same as being all alone in a dark bar or in your living room, clicking still watching on Netflix every three episodes, wishing someone would forgive you and buy you a drink.
Prayer
Dievas Senelis,
Help me!
This person smells like a skunk shitting into a tipped porta-potty,
And they keep talking so close to me,
So I can’t help but smell.
Also, this person talks so loudly,
And even when their mouth is full,
They breathe in through their mouth as they are chewing,
And then breaths out talking,
Making waves of smell waft into my nose with chunks of their food.
They are wearing cargo shorts – ew.
They are trying to tell me something about politics,
And they are wrong.
I can’t stand listening to them,
But since I’m a heartless coward with a fear of confrontation,
I keep smiling and nodding,
And wishing I could look down at my phone,
And not look rude.
I’m going to tell all my friends how horrible this person is,
But I’ll keep looking like this person’s friend.
Help me get through this,
By making everyone happy,
But they finish up telling me the wrong information that they read online,
Making me want to vomit from the smell,
THANK YOU!
“Sorry, I have to take this call.”
Mademoiselle Charlotte,
Give me the strength to hold up small talk,
Sometimes I have no idea what these people are talking about.
I don’t know what the hockey score was,
I didn’t see any of the hype shows,
I didn’t see the video or the news,
I don’t listen to that kind of music,
I don’t mind that it rains all the time. In fact, it hasn’t been raining all that much, and last year was sunny as fuck, so you are just whining about another mild day with a few minutes of rain and still some sunlight. Still, you have been conditioned somehow to believe that you need to complain every time it rains, no matter how little it actually is.
Yes, all the drivers are terrible, but I take the bus.
I’ll take your word for it, traffic is getting worse,
Yes, they’re building a condo in a spot that something cool used to be, but that’s what happens to cool things: they put a condo on it.
I heard they’re finally opening a new fast food place closer.
That one politician says cool things,
That other politician does not,
I guess I’ll support the less evil one.
Have a nice day.
Amen.
Craft
Take 3 by 5 cards and keep them in your pocket. When someone tells you something smart and witty, write it down and put it in your 3-by-5 card collection. Every night,t use the cards as flashcards to memorize the information.
This is now your small talk generator. If you’re good at memorizing them, you can be smooth and bring them up at will, but if you aren’t, you’ll be looking down at a 3-by-5 card.
Example:
“Wow, the [local team] won again. That [current (make sure they aren’t injured or you will look really stupid) star player] is something else, isn’t he?”
You would look at your card or memorize, “Yes, and the big guys getting the rebounds on both sides of the court doesn’t hurt either.”
“Is it the weekend yet?”
“Almost Friday!”
“If you don’t like the weather, just wait five minutes!”
“It took me forever to get here!”
“Looks like it might be a nice weekend.”
“Ugh, I just don’t get politics!”
“Can’t do another day of rain!”
“It’s FriPay!” -if you are paid on Fridays.
If nothing else comes to mind, remember WWGS: What would Garfield (the cat, not the president) say?
Goal
Remember that you have a filter for a reason. You don’t have to be an asshole who says whatever you want and hurts people’s feelings for the sake of attention or lack of compassion. You can fake “compassion, and you will find this helps you get along with your fellow man, no matter how much you are trying for the “I hate people” shtick.
Two-facings is just poor and makes you look like a lonely piece of shit who hates yourself and is just grasping at anything to give yourself any worth, but probably won’t purchase anywhere. Most of the time, people realize that if you say all this stuff about all these people, what do they say about me when I’m not around?
There is a point of letting the filter down, and that is straightening out a wayward soul. The reason that people nowadays act so silly is that there aren’t people correcting them like bullies, unchecked law enforcement, and gangs. Next time you see a person on a tall bike or dressed up like a post-apocalyptic clown warrior, you’d better correct them, or they will keep thinking that they are ok.