On January 11th, 2016, I started a daily practice of writing a joke meditation of the day called Cracked Pot Meditations. I was still recovering from the treatment of cancer, and I was having very challenging cognitive issues, so I chose just to put something simple and easy to write every day. Posting it to the blog allowed me to have some accountability. Some of those meditations were poorly written and unedited. I have gone back and begun editing these and adding an illustration, starting with the April 27th meditation. I hope you enjoy.
Meditation for June 14th
12 Reasons Why You Aren’t Rich
- You View Money Like A Stupid Poor Person
You keep viewing money as something you must have to survive instead of something you use to make more money. Rich people don’t associate money with the person who has it; they view money as an object that should belong to them. Some things make money, and things that get in the way of making money. Why do you think it costs more money to be poor?
- You View Rich People as Villains
You think rich people are dishonest and cheaters, but they are ambitious with their goals. Poor people are also deceitful and cheaters, but they don’t have high enough goals to stop being poor. You need real ambition and drive to cheat someone out of his or her fortune or an entire community out of their livelihoods. All you have to do is stop thinking like a poor person.
- You’re Too Scared of Being Rich
You want money to buy whatever you want, but something tells you that you can’t/won’t/shouldn’t be rich. All you have to do is want to be rich, and you will be rich! It’s that easy. Money is a giant ocean; you must grab a bucket and get some! Don’t be scared of hoarding resources and charging people or them!
- You Shouldn’t Have That Much Money
You don’t think that you deserve money or to have whatever you want. Rich people don’t worry about how fair the world should be and just take money. Rich people sell you things, and you just buy them, wishing you had what they have. There isn’t enough money in the world to satisfy a rich person, and that is the kind of attitude that will make you rich!
- Money is Evil
You think that money is the root of all evil. Even though all the world’s religions preach the evils of greed while acting out on them, wealth is what God wants. Catholicism didn’t become the world’s biggest religion because of the humble teachings of Jesus, but because of the golden churches that reached the sky from the tithes of its faithful followers. Wealth is God’s greatest gift to us, and people who think it is evil are just ignoring God’s gift. It’s evil not to have money!
- You Believe Being Poor is Noble
No. No, it isn’t. Being poor is the most un-noble thing you can do for yourself. You are just a leech that sucks on society’s tit. If you claim to be taking a vow of poverty, you say you aren’t good enough to make money. Making money is noble. Making money usually means you are being of service to others and being poor means you are just being served like a selfish piece of shit. Dying with two yachts is noble.
- You’re Afraid of Being Alone
You think that making a bunch of money will make you lose your poor friends. Frankly, you should kick those losers to the curb. You’ll have new friends, friends with money, and beautiful people in skimpy swimwear hanging out by your pool all day, laughing at all your jokes. Your old friends and family will want money and will tell you that you are changing and becoming a horrible person. Money buys Yes People. Poor people are all No People.
- You Think You’re Too Dumb
Making money means you have to be super smart, right? Nope. Look at some of the rich people making headlines and see that they aren’t smart. You just need to be able to snatch money out of people’s hands. They’re just holding cash, and you need to reach out and grab it. You just need to concentrate on making money rather than morals, philosophy, and ethics. You need to buy a resource that people need to survive, and charge lots of money for it. No intelligence required!
- You Won’t Be Able To Have A Family
You might want a family or already have one, but getting rich is sacrificing that, right? Wrong! If you want things, you want those things, and you will have those things. Family can be your motivation to go out and make money. If you know what’s at stake, you won’t let those pesky morals and ethics get in your way. Plus the tax incentives! You would be surprised what someone will do to get access to a rich person’s money, and that might be marrying and having kids with them.
- You Believe That Hard Work Makes Bucks
If hard work is what you need to do to make money, then laborers would be rich, and CEOs would be lower middle class. Money is not about labor; it’s about leverage. Wealthy people own the means, and the poor labor and buy the products. It’s about who you know, how you negotiate your contracts, and how you squeeze all the blood out of all the rocks. It’s not work harder or smarter; it’s work your network game. Poor people are fighting each other to get out of the pits and into middle management, while rich people cash the checks.
- You Think You Have Enough
NEVER! You never have enough. You can take it, and there will be so much more if you take it. Don’t ask for it, don’t try, don’t work for it – TAKE IT! You think you’re comfortable, but it’s the comfort of lying in shit, it’s warm and gooey at first, but then it hardens and cools off and not comfortable anymore. Get out of the shit, poor person, and take your wealth! Imagine billions of poor people who all have a dollar, and you own water for the sake of argument. That is billions of dollars. Now, imagine if you charged slightly more and also owned a part of a bank, then people would be getting loans to afford water, and you would be making millions on top of the billions.
- You Don’t Like Rich Stuff
I’m not talking about champagne and caviar; I’m talking about real estate speculation, art and car investments, networking (which always includes champagne and caviar), and just spending the day with your portfolio. You could buy all the records, books, and Pokémons you want! You can own collector items such as baseball cards and comic books. You can make friends, possibly with famous people! There is no way you don’t like rich stuff. Who doesn’t want a giant ship that takes you to your even bigger yacht that dwarfs some Navy ships? You can afford weird sex and strange hobbies! You just aren’t using your imagination. And for a tax incentive, you can give a little cash to help some poors.