On January 11th, 2016, I started a daily practice of writing a joke meditation of the day called Cracked Pot Meditations. I was still recovering from the treatment of cancer, and I was having very challenging cognitive issues, so I chose just to put something simple and easy to write every day. Posting it to the blog allowed me to have some accountability for those meditations, which were poorly written and unedited. I have gone back and begun editing these and adding an illustration, starting with the April 27th meditation. I hope you enjoy.
Meditation for June 6th
Ways To Turn Your Life Around
Are you just unhappy about the way your life is going? Are you stuck or in a rut? Are you just a complete piece of shit? You’re meant to turn your life around.
It’s easier said than done. You can’t just turn your life around willy-nilly by motivating your stubborn old mule of a self. If you have had enough of being a total loser in a city full of losers, pay attention to these easy steps.
1. Get Goals You Actually Want to Achieve
Sure, you want to lose 100 pounds and publish a book, but let’s be honest, you don’t have the ambition to pull those off. So, let’s stick with the things you can complete.
Basically you need the goal where if you don’t compete this goal, you will fucking die. Anything less is not enough to motivate you to wake up earlier, eat better, exercise, and bathe more.
Don’t let not having a desire to achieve goals be an excuse for not trying. You’re probably saying that the goal is stupid, this goal was already tried, you aren’t the kind of person who does that, you can’t do that goal, etc. Just do it. If you have excuses, then yst want to remain a piece of shit.
Learn how to make tea. That’s a goal you can accomplish – right?
2. What’s Getting In Your Way?
You probably have a bunch of terrible habits that are getting in the way of turning your life around. This includes fast food, smoking, video games, sleeping too much, sleeping not enough, overeating, not eating enough, staring at your phone, Netflix, porn, strip clubs, online dating, online debating, online stalking, the Internet period, sex, gossip, weed, being lazy, too much exercise, and online skating.
These habits, and others not listed, are all getting in the way of you doing anything productive.
Get rid of the habits. It’s that easy. Stop that habit you’ve had for decades that isn’t helping you.
3. Change
Don’t just spend your time reading shit about being better do it. Start living differently. Is it where you live? Move. Is it who you hang out with? Hang out with better people. Do you have a bunch of toxic things? Please get rid of them.
Don’t wait for something to inspire you to change because that will never happen. It’ll never be the perfect moment for significant, big change. Change or die.
We can’t think our way into better acting; we can only act our way into better thinking.
4. Don’t Get Out of Control
Just do one change at a time. I know you’re high on that first change, so now you are trying to pull off seven changes simultaneously, but slow down, Leonardo Da Vinci. You’re not in a rush. You’ll have more success focusing on one change at a time.
Besides, your mental health can’t handle getting rid of all your toxic behaviors at once; one or more of those things are keeping you alive.
6. Stay Inspired
Running a sprint is easy, but not a marathon, so the secret is staying motivated. You can stay high off all the “adulting” you are doing, reward yourself with masturbation every time you accomplish a goal, announce your milestones on Facebook for all to read – people want to know. “I did a thing!”
You will also fail—more than you will succeed. Even successes can be dwarfed by even better successes. You aren’t good enough to achieve most of the time. Get up, you loser, and try again—if you can.