On January 11th, 2016, I started a daily practice of writing a joke meditation of the day called Cracked Pot Meditations. I was still recovering from the treatment of cancer, and I was having very challenging cognitive issues, so I chose just to put something simple and easy to write every day. Posting it to the blog allowed me to have some accountability. Some of those meditations were poorly written and unedited. I have gone back and begun editing these and adding an illustration, starting with the April 27th meditation. I hope you enjoy.
Meditation for June 4th
9 Reasons Why People Don’t Like You
Silence Isn’t Golden
Not saying anything is the quickest way to being seen as a stuck-up snob. I know you’re misunderstood and an introvert, but that is no excuse for not saying hello, responding to phone calls or texts, and even simply joining in a conversation. People judge you on your actions, not your intentions or social handicaps, so you must learn how to converse. Yes, you’ll have to lie a little about enjoying small talk or acting interested in something you know nothing about, but not participating is just disrespectful.
When you pull an Irish goodbye, you are saying you don’t care about the people you just left.
It’s Always That Way or Never That Way
Maybe you moved to a new place and want to make friends. You do what you always did in your last home, but this time, no one wants you to be their best man; they don’t seem to be jiving with you like your friends back where you come from. That’s because you are not meeting anyone halfway. Instead of learning what you can do to assimilate to the new culture, you brood in your apartment, muttering about cliques and ‘cool’ people who you think are too good for you, but it’s you who thinks you are too good for them.
Nothing is ever black and white; if people aren’t seemingly jiving with your energy, don’t blame them. See what you can do to change how you make impressions. No one is stuck being a way; we can all act our way into better thinking.
You Just Don’t Respect the Clock
People are busy. They have a schedule that only allows them so much free time, and as most people know, people love doing nothing in their free time. You are making people mad if you are late, don’t show up, or show up unannounced, expecting people to be on your schedule. No one likes a flake.
I believe we bombed Iraq over Saddam Hussein being late to a Reagan dinner.
Like the Irish goodbye mentioned above, when we are late, we say that other people are beneath us.
Drama Is For Theatre!
If you’re always going through things and seemingly are constantly at odds with people that used to be your friend and shit talk people that aren’t there, then you might just be dramatic. No one wants to hear it and be a part of it. Maybe if you like to watch houses burn, you’ll be fine with a dramatist, but the normal person wants no part of it.
The sad part is that people will quickly disappear if you go through hard times beyond your control, such as health and financial issues.
The Preacher Should Be a Cool Comic Book or TV Show
You think you’re something. You have all the answers and don’t like it when people are wrong in your presence. You are the one who actually says, “I don’t care if people don’t like me.” The problem is you have to be around people sometimes, so why wouldn’t you shed your immortal chains and slum with us mere mortals for a few minutes? Maybe even laugh at a joke instead of finding ways to insert your vast knowledge into people who want to have a good time.
People want to know they’re on equal ground with someone. They don’t want to know stuff. They want to be ignorant unless it’s on their time and leisure. Very few humble people will ask if they can learn from another person, but no one likes a drive-by teacher.
If I hear someone proudly talk about how they don’t care if people like them or that they are a self-proclaimed asshole, I usually treat them at their word.
Scarface
“That’s a nice scar, but check this scar out!”
The upmanship and storytelling can be fun occasionally, if everyone is in the mood, but no one likes someone who has to tell a story whenever someone else says anything. No one likes to say what’s going on in their life, and how much they are struggling, just to be told that someone went through something worse years ago. You have taken away the person who is having their experience now. You have robbed them of finding support and comfort by being told what they are going through isn’t necessary or worthy.
People also don’t like hearing stories about someone when none of them knew you. I’m sure you were interested initially, but I can only see you now.
When someone tells a story and you have a story to tell, wait until they finish, take a long breath in, exhale, and then tell your tale. You might even ask if you can tell your story.
You Blame
Nothing is your fault. You are a victim of circumstances. You always try to explain why someone else is at fault and how you tried to do the right thing. No one is falling for your bullshit. Everyone has a one- or two-time deal where luck isn’t on their side, but you must take responsibility for your actions at a certain point.
It’s not the people around you’s fault that you aren’t liked, it’s you!
You’re A Klingon
You are always around. You are so scared of being alone that you manically try to be around people all the time. You suffer from Missing Out Disease, and you will always try to be at the most promising event, even at the cost of someone else. It’s okay to be alone or to be bored once in a while
Someday, you will be stuck at home, watching the walls, the ceiling, and your life close in around you.
Debts and Collections
It isn’t the easy $5 you owe someone, it’s the debt of time, support and maybe the one time you said the meal was on you, but people believe that they are owed an outstanding debt and if you start to wander off to other groups of friends, finds a partner that they spend a lot of time with, the debtor will become irate that they aren’t getting their debt paid back. People hate to think they owe a debt, especially an emotional debt.
Don’t give away anything you aren’t afraid to never see again.
Don’t just disappear when you get a new significant other or decide to jump friend groups.