Meditation for April 11th
Being Right
For some of us, being right is more important than being loved, cared for, and happy. For some of us, we will not drop the point if it means compromising or admitting defeat. Death before dishonor! Even if we are right, but our peers don’t recognize this, we walk around empty and sad. We put our relationships at risk.
This is because a demon possesses us. The original story is that of the angel Satan, who second-guessed God’s work at creating reality, so God cast Satan out of heaven because He would not admit He was wrong. Now, Satan is in control of Hades, and He has dispatched demons to possess human beings to hopefully take over the world, steal God’s created reality, and make it better. He is still trying to be right.
It’s not our fault. It probably happened when we were sick, or when we were in our beds watching the sixth episode of some TV show in a row, and eating Funyuns, which, by the way, are getting all over the sheets and our naked chests. Somehow, we let down our spiritual guard, and we were violated by a demon that will make us only serve the master of being right. We now have to be right all the time or die in shame.
Sometimes we think our cause is just. We take the flag and wave it for ourselves. We will isolate ourselves from others and turn our backs on our closest friends just to be right. We think our point is so valid that we find ourselves talking about it for weeks afterward. If a majority who doesn’t share our opinion beats us, we find ourselves bitter, resentful, and alone. Our demon is delighted. Our demon is full of glee at our isolation.
Other times, we don’t even know we’re doing it. We disagree with someone purely out of instinct. We brush their truth off like dust on our knees. We don’t even realize that we are hurting the people we love. We are just so in need of being right that it becomes second nature. We will never humor anyone for anything.
The demons inside of us have only one goal: to completely isolate us from any love and connection with others by making us a self-righteous asshole. Sometimes it’s even the promotion of Christianity; these demon-possessed assholes will turn their friends and family away by trying to be right. We won’t let it go, we won’t back down, and we will destroy all that opposes us. We would rather die than be dishonored by being wrong. Our demon is gleefully guiding us to relationship ruin.
In case you are wondering, Satan had some really good points that God didn’t listen to when he created reality, and now we are suffering for it.
Prayer
Nabu,
I have a point I have to make,
I can’t believe that there is anyone who would disagree with me,
But there are a few,
And I must change their minds.
I must, or it will kill me.
I will try every argumentative trick in the book.
I will use the original argument,
And Jay, it is written.
I will even use the ad hominem argument,
We attack my detractor’s character.
I will argue in circles,
Use a b, unch of jargon, science, and complicated theories I know nothing about,
I will blame everything, knowing everything they need to know.
There are so many consequences for not listening to my argument.
Heed my warnings!
I am an expert!
I have experience with this.
I am older than you.
I am smarter than you.
You are not as educated,
You are too educated.
You grew up wrong,
In the wrong place,
By the wrong people.
I read it.
I heard it.
I was there.
These smart people agree with me.
These smart people have written blogs about this.
I generalize people to pr a point.
They have to change their opinions about this matter.
If they don’t,
They weren’t listening.
St. Thomas More
This person really wants to bht.
I think that they do it their way,
And if it doesn’t work,
We’ll try something else.
This is just so this person will shut it already.
They just said I grew up with the wrong people,
So we need to put a stop to it now.
Smile and shrug my shoulders,
So that person knows I don’t care.
But nothing proves someone wrong more than letting them get their way and watching their idea turn to shit.
Amen.
Craft
How to exorcise a demon
First off, let’s get to know the possessed person. The symptoms, other than the need to be right all the time, are looking at their phone all the time, smelling like sulfur, mood swings, interest in politics when before they haven’t really cared, dry lips, a sudden love for hip hop, and a strong mansplaining habit – even if it’s to another man.
The first thing you need to do is sneak up on your possessed person while they are sleeping in their bed, using dental floss. Tie the target down on the floss, and tighten it until they’re snug but not so tight that they wake up.
Choose water or salt.
Sprinkle the salt or water over the haunted.
Recite this prayer while sprinkling.
O’ God of the heavens and the stars.
If you want to help me,
That would be great.
I think this demon needs to leave.
If you think that is cool.
I think it would be cool.
‘Cause this guy is such an asshole,
When he’s possessed.
You should know,
You had him,
And now he doesn’t, like, have any of the stock personalities you gave him.
So if you’re free,
Get this demon thing out!
Amen.
Stick a wallet into your target’s mouth because he is about to have some demon-expelling seizures.
Wait 72 hours.
Tickle your target. If your target laughs, he is clear of his demon; if he does not laugh, you will have to stick a stake in his heart.
Goal
If you feel alone because you are misunderstood or you have to be right all the time, you are probably possessed by a demon. Get to your neighborhood Catholic Church and ask for an exorcism. Don’t let that thing be in you for long, for it grows with power as it wins useless arguments. The more you stick to being right, the bigger the demon gets.
Try admitting you’re wrong and see if the demon leaves from that sheer willpower.