On January 11th, 2016, I started a daily practice of writing a joke meditation of the day called Cracked Pot Meditations. I was still recovering from the treatment of cancer, and I was having very challenging cognitive issues, so I chose just to put something simple and easy to write every day. Posting it to the blog allowed me to have some accountability. Some of those meditations were poorly written and unedited. I have gone back and begun editing these and adding an illustration, starting with the April 27th meditation. I hope you enjoy.
Meditation for July 1st
Depressed or an Asshole?
The same thing that makes some people depressed makes another person an asshole. Either we internalize it or we externalize it. We see the dark caverns of our own emotions and thoughts, or we look at others with hatred and fear.
Here are the reasons you are depressed or the reasons you are an asshole.
It’s All or Nothing
Depressed: You feel the world around you is black and white. You are either on my side or their side. You are either good or evil. You are either going to heaven or going to hell. You are either a Democrat or a Republican. You are either an Oregon Duck or, since there isn’t another big school in Oregon, a Washington Husky.
Asshole: You think that it’s either this or that, black or white, spic or span, but the world and all its issues, including your problems, is grey. It is in grey scale. This means it appears to be black and white, but it is just slight shades of gray. Charcoal, Gainsboro, silver, platinum, ash gray, ash grey, Battleship gray, nickel, cool gray, navy gray, cadet gray, slate gray, puce, rose quartz, cinereous, rocket metallic, taupe, medium gray, dark-medium gray, dark gray, light gray, warm gray, cool gray, hot gray and light gray are all tints of our life and the world around us. It isn’t black and white, like a ska belt at Hot Topic, a chessboard, a fifties diner tile floor, or piano keys, or all the kids who like metal, who are often white and dress up in black. Thinking in black-and-white terms is restrictive. It doesn’t allow one to break free from vicious cycles, such as blame and self-hate.
Stereotypes in Stereo
Depressed: You play the part you feel like you are given and refuse to work outside the box. It is your destiny to be a loser and fail. It is written that you fuck everything up in the books of life. You can not picture yourself as successful.
Asshole: Some people view every person who chooses not to pull themselves up by the bootstraps as being unsuccessful. It is just that easy. If someone wants something, they must obtain it. There is no such thing as one person having a harder time getting what they want than another person. They view certain types of people as not wanting to succeed.
Paint it Black
Depressed: You can’t see the brighter side of life. [whistling] You would rather sit in your dark room painted black and stare at the black light poster of Morrissey pinching his nipple and bemoan the state of the world as horrible and never going to be okay. You won’t open the heavy black velvet curtains to see the beautiful sky, so instead, you light some incense to smoke a clove and listen to the Manic Street Preachers’ album, The Holy Bible.
Asshole: You judge people by the worst side of them. You just think that everyone has their worse intentions out and will do anything to fuck another person over. This is why helping yourself is more important than trying to help others, because people will abuse the help anyway.
Ignoring the Sun Breaks
Depressed: It doesn’t matter that you have had successes because the failures outshine the successes 10 to 1. You can’t take compliments. You either think they are just being nice or have pity on your poor soul. You see the world seeing you for your fuck ups rather than seeing your positive accomplishments.
Asshole: It doesn’t matter that they have done great things; they have done this one horrible thing that erases all the good they have done. Why even acknowledge someone’s accomplishment if they just destroyed something? They can’t be forgiven, nor can they have grown since their huge mistake.
Psychic Downer
Depressed: You assume people are judging you, and as a result, you expect everything to fail. The universe is out to get you, and you can tell no one likes you. You’re a psychic, but you are just putting your self-hate into other people’s minds and assuming they agree with you. You can see the future in your sad face crystal ball, and all you can see is wreckage and ruin. It makes you want to hide and never try anything. You won’t look for any evidence otherwise.
Asshole: You assume no one likes you, so you don’t feel the need to act nice. You can see other people’s futures, and since they don’t do things the way you do things, they are going to fail and die a miserable, lonely death. You sit back and judge them, waiting to say you were right or for them to grovel at your feet, asking for advice and help. You won’t look for any evidence otherwise.
Mole Hills and Mt. Everest
Depressed: You blow everything out of proportion. You think that something that isn’t serious is the biggest deal in the world. You yell, cry, fight, struggle, talk, whine, and feel like this impending doom, the size of a giant asteroid wiping life on earth, isn’t being taken seriously by any of your loved ones. You feel alone in your estimates of the damage that this drama will do. You sometimes shrug off huge issues as if they are nothing. It doesn’t matter anymore, so why try to change course anyway? What’s on TV?
Asshole: You blow someone’s problem out of proportion as if they are Hitler reincarnate. You try to get everyone on your side to gang up on this person who is trying to incite genocide, or raise property taxes for low-income housing—same thing. You might also overlook something that needs attention. This is where a lot of people ignore injustice to minorities because it isn’t a big deal anyway.
Feeling as Fact
Depressed: You feel like a piece of shit, so therefor you are a piece of shit. You believe what you say over anyone who says anything otherwise. If you feel something, it feels like the feeling is real and will never change or go away.
Asshole: You feel that someone different is a piece of shit. You feel it. It isn’t based on any facts, but the look on the person’s face, the people that person hangs out with, or that they didn’t nod to you in passing.
“Should”
Depressed: You tell yourself that you should do something, ought to do something, must do something, or have to do something, or you say you shouldn’t, ought not, have to stop, mustn’t. Either way, these are rules that you are imposing on yourself, which are strict, controlling, and can trap you.
Asshole: You tell other people they should do something, ought to do something, must do something, or have to do something, or you tell them they shouldn’t and so forth. You don’t respect them enough to let them make their own decision or let them know they have a choice.
Name Calling
Depressed: You tell yourself you are a jerk, a loser, a bitch, an asshole and a waste. You call yourself all kinds of names and labels that you believe after saying them so many times. You begin to act like a jerk because you have now labeled yourself as such, so you have to act accordingly.
Asshole: You call and label people and things so that they can be in a box. That person is jerk, that person is a loser, a bitch and an asshole. You must label every person so you know where they stand concerning you. Either they are better than you or they are worse than you, but never your equal.
Blame Game Royal Flush
Depressed: You blame yourself for everything. Even if it isn’t your fault or wasn’t your responsibility, you feel that you are the reason the negative things are so. You won’t forgive yourself or see where you weren’t at fault. You continually blame yourself and berate yourself for various things. You won’t accept that you can make mistakes, and not all mistakes are yours to own.
Asshole: You blame everyone else for your mistakes. It is everyone else’s responsibility. You won’t accept any blame for anything you have done, nor will you change your behavior to help change the system that is in place, so you blame other people instead, so you don’t have to move out of your comfort zone.