Meditation for July 3rd, 2016
Depressed or an Asshole?
The same thing that makes some people depressed makes another person an asshole. Either we are internalizing it or we are externalizing it. We see the dark caverns of our own emotions and thoughts or we just look at others with hatred and fear.
Here are the reasons you are depressed or the reasons you are an asshole.
It’s All or Nothing
You think that it’s either this or that, black or white, spic or span, but really the world and all its issues, including your own issues, is grey. It is in grey scale. Which means it looks like black and white, but it is just slight shades of gray. Charcoal, Gainsboro, silver, platinum, ash gray, ash grey, Battleship gray, nickel, cool gray, navy gray, cadet gray, slate gray, puce, rose quartz, cinereous, rocket metallic, taupe, medium gray, dark-medium gray, dark gray, light gray, warm gray, cool gray, hot gray and light gray are all tints of our life and the world around us. It isn’t black and white like a ska belt at Hot Topic or a chess board or a fifties diner tile floor or piano keys or all the kids who like metal that are white and dress up in black. Thinking in black and white terms is restricting. It doesn’t allow for one to get themselves out of vicious cycles like blame and self-hate.
You feel the world around you is black and white. You are either on my side or their side. You are either good or evil. You are either going to heaven or going to hell. You are either a Democrat or a Republican. You are either an Oregon Duck or since there isn’t another big school in Oregon, a Washington Husky.
Stereotypes in Stereo
You play the part you feel like you are given and refuse to work out of the box. It is your destiny to be a loser and fail. It is written that you fuck everything up in the books of life. You can not picture yourself successful.
Some people view every person choosing not to pull themselves up from the bootstraps and just being successful. It is just that easy. If someone wants something, they just have to get it. There is no such thing as one person having a harder time getting what they want then another person. They view certain types of people as not wanting to succeed.
Paint it Black
You just can’t see the brighter side of life. [whistling] You rather sit in your dark room painted black and stare at the black light poster of Morrisey pinching his own nipple and bemoan the state of the world as horrible and never going to be okay. You won’t open the heavy black satin curtains to see the beautiful sky, so instead you light some incense so you can smoke a clove and listen to the Manic Street Preacher’s album, The Holy Bible.
You judge people by the worse side of them. You just think that everyone has their worse intentions out and will do anything to fuck another person over. This is why helping yourself is more important than trying to help others because people will just abuse the help anyway.
Ignoring the Sun Breaks
It doesn’t matter that you have had successes because the failures out shine the successes 10 to 1. You can’t take compliments. You either think they are just being nice or have pity on your poor soul. You see the world seeing you for your fuck ups rather than seeing your positive accomplishments.
It doesn’t matter that they have done great things, they have done this one horrible thing that erases all the good they have done. Why even acknowledge someone’s accomplishment if they just destroyed something? They can’t be forgiven, nor can they have grown since their huge mistake.
Psychic Downer
You assume people are judging you and you are going to have everything fail. The universe is out to get you and you can just tell no one like you. You’re a psychic, but you are just putting your self-hate into other people’s minds and assuming they agree with you. You can see the future in your sad face crystal ball and can only see wreckage and ruin. It makes you want to hide and never try anything. You won’t look for any evidence otherwise.
You assume no one like you so you don’t feel like you have to act nice. You can see other people’s futures, and since they don’t do things the way you do things, they are going to fail and die a miserable lonely death. You sit back and judge them and wait to say you were right or for them to grovel to your feet asking for advice and or help. You won’t look for any evidence otherwise.
Mole Hills and Mt. Everest
You blow everything out of proportion. You think that something that isn’t serious is the biggest deal in the world. You yell, cry, fight, struggle, talk, whine and feel like this impeding doom the size of a giant astroid wiping life on earth isn’t being take serious by any of your loved ones. You feel alone in your estimates of the damage that this drama will do. You sometimes shrug off huge issues as if they are nothing. It doesn’t matter anymore so why try to change course anyway? What’s on TV?
You blow someone’s problem out of proportion as if they are Hitler reincarnate. You try to get everyone on your side to gang up on this person who is trying to incite genocide – or raise property tax for low income housing. Same thing. You might also not take something serious that may need addressing. This is where a lot of people ignore injustice to minorities because it isn’t a big deal anyway.
Feeling as Fact
You feel like a piece of shit, so therefor you are a piece of shit. You believe what you say over anyone that says anything otherwise. If you feel something it feels like the feeling is real and will never ever change and go away.
You feel that someone that is different is a piece of shit. You feel it. It isn’t based on any facts but the look on the person’s face, the people that person hangs out with or that they didn’t nod to you in passing.
“Should”
You tell yourself that you should do something, ought to do something, must do something or have to do something, or you say you shouldn’t, ought not, have to stop, mustn’t. Either way, these are rules that you are putting on yourself that are strict, controlling and traps you.
You tell other people they should do something, ought to do something, must do something or have to do something, or you tell them they should’t and so forth. You don’t respect them enough to let them make their own decision or let them know they have a choice.
Name Calling
You tell yourself you are a jerk, a loser, a bitch, an asshole and a waste. You call yourself all kinds of names and labels that you believe after saying them so many times. You begin to just act like a jerk because you now labeled yourself as such, so you have to act like it.
You call and label people things so that they can be in a box. That person is jerk, that person is a loser, a bitch and an asshole. You must label every person so you know where they stand when it comes to you. Either they are better than you or they are worse than you, but never your equal.
Blame Game Royal Flush
You blame yourself for everything. Even if it isn’t your fault or wasn’t your responsibility, you feel that you are the reason the negative things are so. You won’t forgive yourself or see where you weren’t at fault. You continuously blame yourself and beat yourself up for all kinds of things. You just won’t accept that you can make mistakes and not all mistakes are yours.
You blame everyone else for you mistakes. It is everyone else’s responsibility. You just won’t accept any blame for anything you have done, nor will you change your behavior to help change the system that is in place, so you blame other people instead so you don’t have to move out of your comfort zone.